Dear Tanner:

If I understand correctly, your current girlfriend told you that your ex girlfriend showed up at current girlfriend’s workplace to cause commotion but you found out that current girlfriend lied to you. Later you, your girlfriend and a few friends went to a concert, you posted a photo of you and your friends and your girlfriend then claimed that you didn’t include her in that photo, or didn’t post a photo with her in it because you are keeping her a secret from other women.

You wrote: “I’d like to keep this woman as a friend but I fear that won’t happen, but I  know that I would be better off not being in relationship with this woman”, and you asked: “I’m trying to figure out the best way possible to tell her this without her freaking out”?

My answer: First, keeping her as a friend is not a good idea, better have friends who are friendly, not friends who are hostile. Second, to minimize the chances that she will turn aggressive toward you in one way or another following you breaking up with her, display no weakness as you break up with her. Do not apologize, do not offer her friendship, do not try to soften the blow in any way.

Aggressive people feed on any sign of weakness on the part of the person they are angry at and use it as fuel to their aggression.

Keep the breakup speech short (no accusations, no elaborations, no unecessary words), be respectful but clear and direct, your voice strong and confident. Let her know that your decision is final. Do not allow any negotiations on the matter.

Post again for more input, if you want, anytime.

anita