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  • August 12, 2019 at 1:14 pm #307703
    Valora
    Participant

    I feel so sorry for those poor kids. I am also an empathetic, intuitive introvert, so I get how they would feel, and his family making them feel bad about being themselves (and likely acting like normal kids their age do, depending on how old they are) will only push them further away. Honestly, I’m not sure what you can do in this situation short of leaving the guy, because it sounds like it’s him and his family that needs to change their behavior. Maybe couples counseling? But that would only work if he could see how his words and actions are affecting his family (i.e., be willing to take the blame).

    Have you told your husband how you and your kids are feeling and how it’s affecting you? You have been married for 18 years. Has it always been this way or is this behavior relatively new?

    August 12, 2019 at 1:30 pm #307705
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ambrosia:

    “I decided to post here otherwise I will explode”- you are welcome to post here anytime you want. I will be glad to read from you anytime I am at the computer and reply to you.

    If it is your photo above your username (beautiful eyes, kind smile, expressive face), better delete it just in case (a very, very tiny chance) that someone who knows you/ your husband’s family has access to this website and recognizes you. Better not use real names of people and places, exact dates and such identifiable information.

    If it was possible for you to take your kids and leave the country you are currently living in, away from your husband and his family, able to live safely elsewhere, that will be best, don’t you think?

    I wonder if there are resources where you live, a women’s rights group, a children protective services agency, maybe a Christian or Hindu agency, maybe a contact that someone in your family of origin  has… that can help you?

    Otherwise, keep your calm. You are and have been in a very difficult situation for a long time and have survived it. Also, it seems that you are not completely powerless in the situation, that is, you still have a say about some things, correct? If so, better take full advantage of the power you do have.

    I hope to read from you soon.

    anita

    August 13, 2019 at 4:28 am #307747
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Ambrosia,

    You and your husband have different religious beliefs – ideally you should each be accepting the other’s choice.  This includes his parents.  Your husband chose to marry you knowing you had those differences of opinion and in that respect he should be standing up for you.  Unfortunately, his parents have coerced him into attempting to influence the children into their belief system.  This will only make the children more adamant that they want nothing to do with it.

    The fact that your husband and his family indulge themselves in negativity towards you is not of your making.  You are not responsible for the way they choose to see you.  He is always finding fault with you and creating hurt and upset and then has the audacity to tell you that you are not a wife he can be proud of because of what happened before you met him.  If you are not a wife that he can be proud after 18 years of marriage, then you need to leave.  Pronto!

    His behavior is having a massive impact on the children.  They are far happier with your parents than his.  They feel free.  I suggest you remove your self imposed “gag of loyalty” and have a long discussion with your loving parents and seriously discuss your future living arrangements.  You deserve to be free of your malicious husband.

    Peggy

    August 14, 2019 at 2:16 pm #307917
    Ambrosia
    Participant

    Thank you for all  your wonderful responses, I really appreciate it.

    Anita, you are absolutely correct, I am not totally powerless, but not without difficulties and stress and over the years I have gotten tired of it all. There is only so much a person can handle regardless of how strong they are. All those years of stress has taken a toll on me, as a result I have become sick with frequent headaches, thyroid issues, weight gain etc..I along with my kids deserve so much more. I spent some time alone, just me and my self..meditating and I came to certain realizations, I felt as though I have lost myself. This is not me, I was a person who was into meditation, yoga, spirituality..very strong and healthy and fit individual. I lost myself during those years, caught up in the stresses of married life and dealing with a difficult spouse, a life of fighting and struggle. As I am getting older, I do not want to waste another second of my life like that again. This is not the life I was meant to live for me and my children. It is not possible for me to move out right now, our living situation have changed a bit..still the same house, but I have decided to sleep in another room by myself. It’s only been a few days now, but I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my chest, I can breathe well again. I am taking it one step at a time, getting back in touch with my meditation, yoga and diet. I have made a list of things I enjoy doing and plan to follow through with it, I have connected with fellow disciples of my meditation group. It’s a great start and I can only grow from here. I will not give up 🙂

    August 14, 2019 at 2:25 pm #307919
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ambrosia:

    I am glad to read from you again. And it is better to read that you made “a great start” from which you can only grow.

    “There is only so much a person can handle regardless of how strong they are”- it is true, absolutely. Do what you need to do to get healthier and stronger, to save yourself. I hope to read from you again and again.

    anita

     

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