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Husband is leaving me after 6 years

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • July 26, 2019 at 11:42 am #305043
    Karlie
    Participant

    I don’t even know where to begin. I have caused so much damage in my marriage. I know there’s nothing I can do to mend the pain I have caused my husband over the years. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the beginning of our relationship. I tried medication one time after seeing how badly I reacted to it my husband and I both agreed I should go without. He said he could deal with it but I know it was more than he was able to handle. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me, I emotional damaged him and myself in the process. It was a horrible mistake not to keep trying different treatments and now my marriage has suffered from it. He no longer loves me nor wants to try to work past it. Everyone says it’s not a one way street but I can’t help to feel this is solely my fault. I should have tried harder to get past the negative emotions that have become so familiar to me. I know I won’t get another chance with him but I need to find hope that I can better for myself and my kids.

    July 26, 2019 at 12:16 pm #305059
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Karlie:

    Often enough, we wish we could undo and redo what is already done and we can’t. There is pain and great sadness in accepting this reality. It reminds me of the famous line of the serenity prayer:

    “grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change”- what you did and can’t undo, your marriage ending.

    Another line says:

    (grant me) “the courage to change the things I can”- yourself and your relationships with your kids.

    Please do share more, anything at all.

    anita

    July 26, 2019 at 12:16 pm #305061
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    July 26, 2019 at 1:46 pm #305069
    Karlie
    Participant

    Thank you for replying. We’ve had a lot of troubles in the past. He had alot of anger issues that led me to stray away from him. He did get alot better with it. I was still only able to see him as the issue not myself.  I was never able to admit to myself that I was causing damage as well. I was never really able to admit I really did need help. It terrified me to face myself.

    July 26, 2019 at 1:57 pm #305071
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Karlie:

    In times of distress we get confused as to who is responsible for what. If you are not clear on this issue of who is responsible for what, if you go back and forth between blaming him and blaming yourself, you can make a list next of of what was wrong in the marriage, without commentary on who is guilty, just the facts. And I will be glad to explore with you the issue of responsibility.

    If you want to look at something else, suggest what it is, and we can take it from there.

    anita

    July 26, 2019 at 2:42 pm #305079
    Karlie
    Participant

    I know I’m the one responsible there’s no doubt there. He had an issue and worked thru it but I didn’t do the same. As much as I don’t want to lose him I think it’s for the best. I can work on getting better myself. And hopefully he’ll be able to find happiness. This was kinda my starting point to recovery.

    July 26, 2019 at 2:53 pm #305081
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Karlie:

    Being clear on the issue of responsibility is a major part in healing, so you have a solid start in your “starting point to recovery”. What is your next step in recovery?

    (I will be away from the computer for a few hours)

    anita

    July 26, 2019 at 7:13 pm #305115
    Karlie
    Participant

    I started taking medication today.  Also, my brother suggested I started writing whatever emotion or thought I was having into a notebook. That has been really helpful to me. I thought it was weird at first but after awhile I was able to release alot of emotions I was feeling.

    July 26, 2019 at 7:21 pm #305119
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Karlie:

    You are welcome to use your thread as a notebook, expressing your emotions here. It may help to express your emotions knowing someone will read what you share. I will, for one. And if you want, I will give you some feedback every time you share. Never arguing with any emotion, never criticizing, nothing like that. Instead, I will let you know that I read what you shared and point to this or that, asking you to elaborate, if you want to. Asking you questions so to understand better.

    * I will be soon be away from the computer and back tomorrow morning,  in about 10 hours from now.

    anita

    July 27, 2019 at 12:34 am #305143
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Karlie,

    There is someone close to me who was diagnosed with bi polar disorder and I would say that taking medication is probably the best way of dealing with the extreme emotional swings that it brings.

    Your brother is very wise.  Expressing your feelings in writing is very therapeutic and is a safe way of releasing whatever is going on inside of you.  Just let the words flow.  It doesn’t matter if your writing is erratic or if the grammar is not good, no-one’s going to mark your words.

    It might also benefit you to take a relaxation class and some people find cognitive behavior therapy useful.

    Keep up the good work.

    Peggy

    July 27, 2019 at 4:52 am #305155
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Karlie,

    Sometimes people think the bipolar disorder is “us”. Maybe just maybe when you get your medication all set your husband will see “you” and reconsider.

    Best,

    Inky

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