Hi liwii,

Well, if you are selling a HOUSE, I think that’s a definite sign from the Universe that you should be broken up. And stay broken up for a long time.

I wouldn’t live with anyone unless you’re married. This way if you break up you wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of selling a HOUSE. I can’t imagine all the work and angst of selling mine, and I’m not going through a break up.

As far as your sexuality goes, sexuality is so fluid. Don’t get hung up in defining yourself. You’ll never be able to do it (nor should you) and you’re only going to drive yourself crazy. I would go on lesbian dating apps and see if you would even like going there. I know you have a low libido, are picky about partners and that women are more work. But this way you’ll get that initial experimentation reconnaissance mission out of the way.

Best,

Inky

Iiwii

How old are you?  How many relationships have you had before this man?

You have been given the opportunity to explore your curiosity.  Do so.  You don’t want to keep second guessing yourself and not be fully in on a hetero relationship if you keep wondering “what if?”  My take is that it is fairly common that women have such fantasies.  Your former bf even encouraged you to try.

When we are in our 20s is when we get to explore and try on different experiences, lifestyles, attitudes, views, etc.  We do so in order to mature and learn about ourselves.

Have you had yourself medically checked out for your low sex drive?  This may come into play that maybe your attraction to other women is “safer” for you sexually but that is just a guess.  Regardless have it checked out.

Insofar as wanting to have butterflies in your stomach, that’s a nice thing to want but we are all different.  I never really had that for those women I was attracted to and went into relationship with.  Plus that feeling goes away after the initial Honeymoon/Infatuation Phase.

Mark

Dear liwii:

You are welcome. I read your recent posts and reread your original post. Reads to me that you had a problem in the relationship with your recent boyfriend because of the sexual libido issue, a problem that will continue even if it was possible for you to get rid of your strong physical and romantic attraction to  women.

If you and your boyfriend both had low libidos, there wouldn’t be a problem, but I suppose he has a significant higher libido which makes life uncomfortable for you. It is very uncomfortable and distressing to repeatedly making yourself available to person sexually when you don’t feel like it, when you would  rather not.

I think not resuming the relationship with him is a good idea regardless the success or failure of your lesbian future exploration.

Considering your description of your romantic and physical fantasies with women, the fact that you don’t remember ever fantasizing about men, and that you have watched lots of lesbian movies to which you refer to as your “guilty pleasure”, I think that you are a lesbian and has been for a while.

To make your exploration successful (you figuring out your sexual orientation in practice), you have to place your most recent relationship with this man, in the past. Otherwise, conflict regarding getting back to him or not,  will interfere with your exploration. Also, to make the exploration successful, keep in mind that a significant difference of sexual libidos is a problem in any relationship, be it heterosexual or homosexual.

You may not experience an increase of sexual libido with women, but that does not mean you are not a lesbian, it simply means you are a lesbian with low sex drive. And you are not the only lesbian with a low sex drive, so see to it that you choose  a compatible partner in the future.

anita

Dear liwii:

You are welcome. I hope you gain clarity while being separated. Feel free to post again anytime, I will be glad to reply if you do.

anita