do i get over him?

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by seashell.

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November 19, 2018 at 8:27 am #238445

seashell
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Dear Buddha,

I met this guy about 2 months ago and we instantly hit it off and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I then realised after a few weeks that he was in a relationship with this women in another country for over a year, who is 16 years older to him. we had several arguments about her, because he lied to me on several occasions that he had broken up with him, when he in fact he had not done so at all. I was with him a week ago as he was feeling poorly and I cared for him and tried to make him feel better. ( I live in a different city than him and every time I wanted to see him I had to travel for around 5 hours) After a few days he told me that he doesn’t think we are suited for each other. I came to know it was because that woman has come to visit him for a few days. I blocked him off every social platform. but then last night I acted irrationally and messaged him as well as her( she had contacted me first in the beginning). I desperately asked him if he loves me because the last thing he had told me on the phone was that he loves me, this time he said he had already told me the answer, and when I asked him will he come back to me when she leaves, he said no and even if he wanted to before my messages to him now had changed his mind completely. I find it hard to move on now and I find myself wondering whether he will come back to me in 3 days when she leaves. please advice me as I am feeling very anxious and stressed. thank you

November 19, 2018 at 9:29 am #238453
Valora
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I think it is a HUGE red flag that he would ask you to be his girlfriend when he already has one. That says he does not value monogamy, so I think it’s important that you ask yourself whether or not you do. If you would truly prefer to be with someone who wants to be with you and ONLY you, I would definitely let this one go completely. Also, the dishonesty he’s shown you in such a short time does not say good things about how he would treat you in a serious long-term relationship. I think you’d really be doing yourself a huge favor if you just move on, focus on yourself, and wait until you find someone better.
- This reply was modified 6 years ago by Valora.
November 19, 2018 at 9:43 am #238457

Inky
Participant

Hi seashell,

How convenient for him! He has two long distance relationships. Why would he give those up? It’s the perfect set up! He doesn’t have to deal with either of you… until he does, which he’s finding is not so easy.

You upended his real life fantasy. Now he has to hunt for another long distance relationship!

Let him.

Best,

Inky

November 19, 2018 at 12:32 pm #238503

Feathering my nest
Participant

He sounds difficult and confused.

November 19, 2018 at 1:26 pm #238513

seashell
Participant

I know its silly, but I kind of miss him, and I cant help but think whether he missed me or not. is it really desperate when I say I want him to contact me again somehow? I know I should forget all about him because of his dishonestly and lack of morals, but its hard for me to control my emotions when it comes to men, well, boy in this case. I felt like I was special to him. and now I just feel stupid for believing all his fake words. please advice me.

November 19, 2018 at 5:38 pm #238563

Emma
Participant

Maybe the main reason he fell in love with you that fast is that he was feeling lonely, as the other woman was abroad. Even if he returns back when she leaves, ask yourself.. Do you really want to be in such a relationship? Ofcourse you deserve a person who is honest with you from the very start. Take time for yourself and think the outcome of getting back together.. will you still trust him? Trust builds relationships, and in this relationship trust is already gone.

I know break ups are hard (we’ve all been there) but after the storm comes the rainbow, even if the storm is really bad. From my experience there will be ups and downs in your healing process, but in the end you will be so thankful for keeping this toxic guy away from your life.

🙂

November 20, 2018 at 4:35 am #238629

Valora
Participant

I know its silly, but I kind of miss him, and I cant help but think whether he missed me or not. is it really desperate when I say I want him to contact me again somehow? I know I should forget all about him because of his dishonestly and lack of morals, but its hard for me to control my emotions when it comes to men, well, boy in this case. I felt like I was special to him. and now I just feel stupid for believing all his fake words. please advice me.

What you’re feeling is totally normal. You developed an attachment to him during the time you dated, and the need you’re feeling is most likely just related to that. It’s honestly good this happened NOW rather than years down the road when your attachment was much stronger, making him much harder to detach from.

I say you can do much, much better than what he has given you, so if I were you, I would just try to detach and get over him. At the very least, ask yourself if you really want a relationship with someone that would be dishonest with you right away? That would mean you could never fully trust him. The need to see him will pass after a while and I’m sure you’ll find someone who will treat you much better, and that’s what’s important. There are plenty of guys out there who are totally capable of both making you feel super special and also being faithful and honest to you, and those are the guys I would go for if I were you.

November 20, 2018 at 7:16 am #238639

seashell
Participant

Dear Valora,

Thank you for your wise words. every time I feel the need to contact him now I come on this site and read what you wrote for me and since last night I have revisited this blog around 5,6 times!

thanks for the emotional support.
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