GandC,

Right now you are in this phase of individuation.  You can Google individuation and parents.

You are finding your own way to become your own person.  This is threatening to your parents.  Naturally that creates conflict.

It IS a struggle which can result in anger and resentment.  I see that as “natural.”  Everything is temporary as Buddhism teaches (among other philosophies).

You ask, “How can I learn to be comfortable with my parents again? How can I protect myself emotionally without completely shutting down?”

Other people here probably can give better answers here.  I can only offer is that what you are going through is normal and temporary.

I do believe each and every one of us is that we are responsible to learn, to explore, to experiment, to GROW to become our own person for that is what the world needs, is what we need in order to be happy.  We are not suppose to live our parents’ lives.  We are suppose to do that for ourselves.  We are unique and need to bring our own unique selves to the world, hopefully to make it a better place as the result.

You father may not be aware enough that raising children is not the same as raising robots who do not question their authority (or anyone else’s) but he his doing what he thinks is right for you.  Keeping that in mind may help you to put him in context as you clash with him.

I encourage you to be strong in believing in yourself and your own truth.  Your truth may change and that is OK.  This is your life, your own journey.  You should not live your parents’ lives.  You should not live their truth.  You MAY arrive to that on your own but it’ll be YOUR truth.

Take care and hang in there.

Remember to love yourself first even though it may entail setting boundaries with your parents (maybe even shutting down).  This is all part of life practice.

Mark

Hi Julian,

I agree that this is totally normal. It’s not just you drifting from the Mormon religion. You would be becoming more independent anyway. The fact that Mormonism is the backdrop and your father is a bishop makes the whole process so much more intense.

For most people religion may be a part of life. For your parents regular life takes a back seat to Mormonism (which IS “Life”). The religion is paramount.

It seems like there’s some cognitive dissonance going on with them. Intellectually they know that you are drifting away, and that you are almost an adult. These new house rules sound ridiculous, even to themselves, and they are just biding their time while raising you “right”, and they know that you are just going through the motions.

I predict that when you are an adult out of their house, the relationship might (I think eventually will) get better. It WILL feel awkward for a year or two. Not gonna lie!

Good Luck,

Inky