For the last year, I’ve begun to want to live a short life. I don’t want to live until an adult or old age. It isn’t that I do not value living or want to leave, it’s just that I don’t see a value or purpose in living a long life.

1. I don’t have any more close friends and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t want to invest any more effort in making friends because I have not been successful in meeting anyone who reaches out to me. It seems like it is always me making the first move. The friends I had all left because they deemed me an unworthy friend. There isn’t use living a life alone.

2 I’ve never had a successful relationship and I don’t want to invest more energy into meeting anyone.

3 I can’t deal with life’s problems. Everytime something tragic happens , i feel intensely overwhelmed and the feeling captivates my mind for years. I worry very often about these past events and mistakes. I don’t want to continue holding these types of thoughts.

4 . I don’t like older people or the way society treats them. We value youth. Older people are not very valued or needed and this deeply saddens me. Children grow up and live their lives and don’t care for the old generation. They are often lonely and bitter and forgotten.

5. I’m tired of constantly living life and making mistakes and wishing I could do things over. There is only one life and I feel like mine is already tainted.

6. Overall, I don’t see how my life is going to get better.

7. Each year I get more cynical and bitter. It’s not pleasant but I have no other way or becoming a light hearted and naive person like I was before. I hate living my life through this lens.

8. I don’t think I can contribute to the world the way I want to. I don’t think there is a special element in me that the world deeply needs (a talent, a overwhelming kindness and compassion, a desire to raise the next generation). I don’t think I am very useful.