fbpx
Menu

I don't know how to break free from a cycle of my own creation.

Home→Forums→Relationships→I don't know how to break free from a cycle of my own creation.

New Reply
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • July 19, 2018 at 9:36 pm #217779
    Prash
    Participant

    Hi Sara, clearly you don’t want to continue in this relationship. But you feel that ending it would result in some kind of unpleasantness for you. Maybe you could focus on what is preventing you from taking a decision and address those issues. Being in an unworthy relationship is like carrying an unnecessary load. Think how free you will be when that load is off so that you can focus on all the other wonderful aspects of your life.

    July 20, 2018 at 5:25 am #217813
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sara,

    Wow! Even paraplegics are jerks, it turns out! (I know that is MASSIVELY un-PC of me to say, but there it is.)

    You can literally do SO much better! You do not deserve for him to transfer all of his unhappiness onto you.

    Walk away. Ghost him. Don’t look back. You will be better for it. And bonus! HE gets to learn a Life Lesson that he can’t treat people that way.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    July 20, 2018 at 7:46 am #217835
    Sara
    Participant

    I think its just people…it doesn’t matter if you are a paraplegic or not. Some people are just jerks, some may become jerks due to their own experiences but its just people. I am going to cut this off. I think its time. I think its two things, 1) I do sense an energy about him that i am intrigued enough to want to keep figuring out. But this is just a dumb thought as he has proven time and time again that he only cares about himself and his needs. 2) I guess I also feel stupid because i feel like if he gets vindictive he has sensitive material on me that he can use against me. But that is the height of emotional manipulation; i have to break free and deal with any fallout that results from my past decisions.

    Thank you for taking the time to lend me your virtual support.

    July 20, 2018 at 7:47 am #217837
    Sara
    Participant

    Hello Prash,

     

    I think its two things, 1) I do sense an energy about him that i am intrigued enough to want to keep figuring out. But this is just a dumb thought as he has proven time and time again that he only cares about himself and his needs. 2) I guess I also feel stupid because i feel like if he gets vindictive he has sensitive material on me that he can use against me. But that is the height of emotional manipulation; i have to break free and deal with any fallout that results from my past decisions.

    Thank you for taking the time to lend me your virtual support.

    July 20, 2018 at 7:53 am #217839
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sara:

    * I posted this before reading your recent posts, the ones following your original post:

    Reads to me that you are not interested in a relationship with a man. You mentioned having family obligations that are not congruent with having a committed, demanding relationship with a  man. You mentioned needing a lot of time alone, to recharge, that you have been closed off and “too afraid to venture out”. Well, this relationship allows you to have a bit of what you need: physical intimacy with a man outside a committed, demanding relationship.

    You wrote, “the status quo is comfortable for me”, this relationship has been comfortable for you for a  while, except part of it is distressing, the his-way-or-the-highway part, and the .. indecency of him otherwise.

    I suppose it is an option for you to seek a friends-with-benefits relationship with another man who will not practice the my-way-or-the-highway attitude, who will be respectful to you, one who you like better.  Read to me that you are still, as before, not interested in a committed love relationship with a man. Am I correct?

    anita

    July 20, 2018 at 8:06 am #217845
    Sara
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    That is correct, I still don’t want a relationship in the traditional sense. But I also don’t want to a relationship (even a purely physical one) that is not a two way street. Its not that I don’t like him, there is something about this guy that I am drawn to, perhaps its the status quo, maybe I figure better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. I am not sure, but lately, our interactions have gotten very difficult. There is always an argument before we decide to meet, but according to him its always me being dramatic. I don’t care about his disability or his limitations i just want an open conversation which he can’t seem to provide. I understand the nature of our relationship is purely physical but I often get the sense that he can barely stand me, he almost looks bored when with me, barely touches me or plays with me so I am not sure what he wants.

    July 20, 2018 at 8:19 am #217851
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sara:

    “I am not sure what he wants”. Maybe he is with you because he has nothing better to do with his time. So he feels bored, not interested, but it is something for him to do.

    You wrote that you “want an open conversation”, well this is something you know you want with a man. And you don’t want those arguments, so you know what you don’t want.

    You wrote, “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”- I wonder what other devil like, in your home of origin, perhaps, you know and pretends to not know, perhaps?

    anita

    July 20, 2018 at 8:31 am #217855
    Sara
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes, I think i know the time has come to end this arrangement. The devil i know vs the devil i don’t is more to do with me having to put myself out there again and to sift through the various options and to figure out the right path for me. I sometimes feel like I have invested this time and energy and we have our issues but we seem to somewhat work so do I really want to venture into the unknown. But clearly, this is not working out at this point so I know it is time to take that leap of faith.

    July 20, 2018 at 8:41 am #217867
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sara:

    I hope you do take “that leap of faith”, faith in there being something better for you, a possibility of better than this, no  arguments, open, honest conversations. I am wondering if him being paraplegic is an attraction on your part, not that you don’t mind it, but that it draws you to him.

    anita

    July 20, 2018 at 8:51 am #217875
    Sara
    Participant

    I never thought it did…I have come across other paraplegics in my life and i haven’t felt an attraction. Its him, i think there is something about him that i just like even when he is being his worst self. Which is what scares me, i have never been one to stay in a situation where i have felt that i was being taken advantage of or where I felt I wasn’t wanted. And yet with this guy i keep going back.

    July 20, 2018 at 8:56 am #217879
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sara:

    It is quite common that when we experience rejection in childhood we are attracted in adulthood to a rejecting individual, motivated to fix the past (an impossibility, of course) by staying and  fixing a similar current relationship. This maybe why you “keep going back”.

    anita

    July 20, 2018 at 8:37 pm #217959
    Prash
    Participant

    Hi Sara, hope you are able to take the leap of faith out of this relationship. Irrespective of whatever is keeping you in it, the fact is that you are not at ease. That is probably straining  your time and energy at this point when it can possibly be put to much better use.

    Take care.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.