Dear alexa05:

You feel very strongly about this, so much so that you stated: “this has to stop or I am out”.

You wrote that he says “he still has feelings for her”- can you share more about what he told you: what feelings did he say he has for her?

When you told him before how much it disturbs you that he visits her (including staying in her house, in your previous thread), how did he respond, what did he say?

anita

Given the difference in their ages, this man practically married ‘Mum’ and it’s not healthy.  The things you say he’s doing are things a son might do for Mum – helping out when the car’s broken down, when Mum could just as easily call someone else.  But she knows he’ll come running – he wants ‘Mum’s’ approval.  You don’t say how long they’ve been divorced, and at least they can get along afterwards, it’s better than them screaming at each other! But it’s not a healthy relationship and it never was.  No-one’s going to get first place in this man’s heart now he’s 46 and still clinging to his mother figure. This is not down to her – it’s up to him to say ‘No’ to her and start letting go.  If he won’t – he won’t, and it doesn’t sound as if he’s going to start soon as you seem to have had this conversation with him already.  Don’t force him to make a choice – you WILL lose. You’re thirty – that’s nothing!  Plenty of fish in the sea.  Walk away. Tell him when he’s ready to let go of ‘Mum’ then he can get in touch. Speak and act maturely.   But don’t be surprised if you never hear from him again. At best he’ll drag it out and you’re hanging around waiting for him to make his mind up.  You can’t control his life and emotions but you can take control of your life.  Remember that any man you meet now in your age group will have some emotional baggage.  Here’s hoping it’s not as much baggage as your current bf is carrying.  He still has feelings for her, but not the sort you think. I believe he knows there’s something wrong, as he takes these phone calls in private. But he doesn’t want to face it.  Good luck.