Dear Mae:

You wrote that you felt awkward when he asked you if you liked him (and you told him that you didn’t, even though you did), and you felt awkward when he answered you that he thought you were pretty. You felt bad for those transactions, for telling him that you didn’t like him, so you intended that same night to invite him to come to your home and have sex with you.

I am wondering why you didn’t try a less drastic way to … make up for having told him that you didn’t like him, such as texting him and telling him that you did like him.

Why not fix the situation the simple way, telling him you liked him; why sex?

anita

Dear Mae:

I agree with “should have been honest about how I felt”- if you were honest about liking him too, maybe you wouldn’t have felt bad afterward, and wouldn’t be motivated to make up for it by offering him sex. I think it will help you to be honest about your feelings and communicate honestly about your feelings to others.

Of course, better not continue to communicate honestly with anyone who is disrespectful toward you. Better simply not communicate with anyone disrespecting you. (If a person like that is a co worker, then make the interaction minimal and strictly work related).

Regarding “communicating feelings without sex”- I don’t think it is a “character flaw”. Maybe it is a matter of lack of practice. You will get better at it as you practice. As a matter of fact, you can practice right here, communicating your feelings on this very thread.

Would you like to share about your feelings when you were… made to believe, perhaps, that your feelings don’t matter, or that no one is paying attention to how you feel?

anita

Hi Mae,

I would let him go. It seems you have sent him too many mixed signals and he is agitated and confused. He said he liked you..hoping you would say you liked him back..and he probably wanted to ask you on a date before he left town. Then your intention it seems was to sleep with him. Then when he said you were pretty, instead of just saying “thank you..maybe we can chat later (since there was a customer)..you ignored his compliment hurting his feelings.

Now he is probably feeling very frustrated thinking all hope is lost when he gets a very confusing text out of the blue, when you ignored him before. Not considering his feelings. Of course, he is going to be rude. If I were the man, I would not be happy either. I think your text should have been “I’m sorry, about my awkwardness at work, I really am attracted to you, is there any way we can talk on the phone? If you like this man, and respect him..why would you just want to sleep with him. Just take this as a learning experience, and try to improve communication skills. I’m sorry things didn’t work out. x