“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha
I used to teach Adult Upgrading. My students were people who had never completed grade school and/or high school. For a variety of reasons, they were now ready to try it again.
New students would say, “I wasn’t ever any good at school.” “I can’t do math.” “I hate fractions.”
It’s my belief that our self-talk is programming ourselves for our statements to be true.
Those students thought they’d been stating the facts, not revealing programmed beliefs.
My work was less about teaching math than it was about coaching them toward a change in their beliefs about themselves.
“I never again want to hear you say you’re not good at math,” I’d say. I’d ask them to switch to “I’m learning math” or “I’m getting better at math” or “I’m working on fractions.”
I’d help them start to notice their own negative self-talk and then transform it into positive statements. “Sure it sounds weird. So humor me,” I’d have to say. “Yes, I know it doesn’t feel like it’s true. Not yet, anyway.” They’d roll their eyes at me.
I’ve read that schools teach fractions before many of our brains are developmentally ready to cope at that conceptual level. I believe this, because I’ve met so many people whose problems in school began around the time fractions were introduced.
Children’s developing self-images are vulnerable. Once children begin to feel stupid about a school subject, the negative self-talk begins. It soon defeats their egos along with their will to learn.
My adult students did humor me, probably because I was such a nag about wanting to hear only positive self-talk. My use of pizza-portions and other grocery items as examples of fractions helped them realize they already knew about fractions and used them frequently in everyday life.
Gradually they’d begin to feel better about math. Many would even begin to enjoy it. Grade school math felt easier. Positive self-talk became natural. Other subjects became less overwhelming, too.
We all keep saying self-defeating and/or negative things to ourselves, don’t we! At the same time, we keep wishing it could all change. Well, it can change!
Affirmations. I’m sure you’ve heard about them. An affirmation is, simply, positive self-talk. It’s a statement about ourselves or our situation, phrased in the present tense as if the statement is already true.
Affirmations work to help us change. I’d like to share with you one method to start creating very personal affirmations.
- Identify your negative self-talk and beliefs.
- Create affirmations out of those beliefs.
- Begin using the new affirmations.
- See the “magic” gradually unfold.
1. Identify your negative self-talk and beliefs.
Do this in handwriting, not with a computer. Connecting your physical self with your neurons and psyche and intuition is important here. What our bodies do, our subconscious learns from.
Fold a piece of lined paper in half lengthwise and then unfold it. Down the left side, write a list of those self-limiting statements you’ve been thinking and saying. “I can’t afford a vacation.” Or “It’s hard to lose weight.” Or “I’ll never meet the right guy/woman for me.”
Stick to one theme or personal issue on this first list. Write everything that comes to mind on the topic. Don’t think, just be spontaneous and real. It needs to be a stream-of-consciousness set of statements.
Then spend a few days listening closely to yourself, to what you’re saying, thinking. Ask a friend to listen, too. Add every negative self-talk statement to your list as it comes up.
After you think you’ve written them all, wait. More will come. As you empty out the top layer in your mind, the next layer will be revealed and released.
2. Create some affirmations out of those beliefs.
This next part is not easy, but you can do it!
You are going to write some new statements. You may feel huge resistance as you do it. Maybe you won’t believe a thing you write. Perhaps you’ll feel discouraged. You’ll probably think it’s weird. But humor me, just like my students did.
Down the right side of your paper, across from each left-side statement, write a new one that transforms that negative statement into a positive.
Examples:
- “I can’t afford a vacation” becomes “I can find a way to afford a nice vacation.”
- “It’s hard to lose weight” becomes “I can lose weight if I work at it.”
- “I can’t save any money” becomes “I am capable of saving money.”
- “I’ll never meet the right guy/woman” could become “I’m open to new relationships” or “I’m ready to meet my perfect mate.”
The new statements must be in the present tense. Write “I am…” rather than “I will be…” or “I’m going to be…” Avoid using the word “try” because “I’m trying” is a self-perpetuating statement.
To get around your disbelief about writing something that feels untrue and seems impossible, you can write things like “I’m learning to….” and “I’m getting better at….” It’s still present tense, still a positive affirmation. Something like “I’m getting better at saving money” might feel better than “I’m good at saving money.”
3. Begin using the new affirmation statements.
Fold the paper in half again. Never again read the left side. Ignore it forever.
Post the folded paper, positive-statements on top, somewhere you’ll see it often. Above the toilet paper roll. Over the kitchen sink. Read your affirmations from time to time, but there’s no need to dwell on your list. It is simply an occasional reminder that you’re transforming your thinking.
If you catch yourself thinking or saying any of your old (negative) beliefs, stop yourself. Transform it into the positive, right then and there.
Ask your family and friends to help by simply pointing out any negative self-descriptions when you say them. When they do, transform the negative to the positive immediately and say the new statement aloud to them.
You’re literally changing your mind.
4. See the “magic” gradually unfold.
The “magic” will happen, if you do the first three tasks. Truly! I’ve done this ever since I learned how, and I promise you it absolutely works. I have a good and happy life and things generally go my way. I believe it’s because I do this kind of work ongoingly.
Soon you will not only say you’re good at handling money (or whatever your issue is), but you’ll also begin to believe it and—here’s the magic—one day you’ll notice that you are good at it!
The negative statements will gradually disappear from your mind.
If you stick with this, what’s absolutely true is that:
- When you write it, the magic begins.
- After you write it, you can start reading it.
- When you start reading it, you’ll be able to start saying it.
- When you start saying it, you start hearing it.
- When you start hearing it, you start to believing it.
- When you start believing it, you start acting on it.
- When you start acting on it, things will change.
“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” ~ Goethe
About Kate Britt
Kate is a retired teacher, editor, and technical writer living in Vancouver, BC, Canada. She blogs sporadically at http://ponderthepreposterous.wordpress.com/.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
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Thank you, Kate. I started to use positive affirmations during my yoga practice early this year, but I’ve never taken them off the mat… and there is really no excuse to! Your exercise with the folded piece of paper is a great idea and I will start the process today. Thanks for the inspiration to engage in this much-needed exercise.
Excellent post and so true. I think some people expect affirmations to work on day 1 – believe me, in my experience, the changes sneak up on you when you least expect it… you’re walking past a store mirror and catch a glimpse of yourself and it’s “Oh my, I do look nice today, don’t I?”
But it’s so worth it – I encourage everyone and anyone to try this – even to just start with one. It completely changed my life – I used to be on antidepressants and had to wean myself because I ran out of money for medication (because I quit corporate to follow my dream of being an entrepreneur) and I do NOT recommend it, but I can tell you that sticking to a program of regular affirmations and focused self-encouragement has been critical for me. It’s been a few months now and I intend on using affirmations every single day, several times a day, for the rest of my life!
PS. My psychologist and psychiatrist said that it was my sheet will power and determination and the fact that I have been practicing cognitive behavioural therapy without even realising it – it’s bloody hard work, but worth it. If you’re going to attempt the same, my advice would be to have an excellent support network – that is missing in my case but because I’m now so much more positive and happy, I am strengthening my relationships and making new friends so I’m MAKING one 😀 It’s 50% thanks to tinybuddha!!!
thank you
What a wonderful place to do affirmations — during yoga practice. Thanks back at you for that idea. I’m going to use an affirmation to set my intention at the beginning of my next yoga class! The good thing about this paper-list method is it helps us create our affirmations, and we can then use them anytime and everywhere, whenever we think about them.
Wow, you have an inspiring story, Sarai. Be proud of yourself for making those leaps of faith and focussing on self-encouragement. I’m so happy you are finding success with it. I agree, affirmations are not *necessarily* a quick solution (though they can be), and I guess that’s where the “believe” part comes in.
I like your image of how the changes sneak up on you when you least expect it. It points to another helpful aspect of the affirmation process — being OPEN to seeing and receiving whatever it is that we’re working on creating in our lives.
Thanks for your heartfelt and inspiring comment!
So simple and common sense yet I forget how powerful the self talk is. Love the insight you provide.
Thanks
I found the same thing while teaching Algebra to high school freshmen. Not only did they have these limiting negative thoughts, but often times, these would be reinforced by their parents, “I was never any good at Algebra/math, so I can’t really expect them to be.” I would give tell the kids they could, I would praise them when they were successful, and remind them of their successes when they were in doubt. I had many kids who went on to be successful in math when they never thought they could be, all they had to do was see that they really could be successful. Thank you for the article.
I’m on a contant mission to stop using phrases like “I can’t” and “I should” and instead replace them with “I want to” or “I’m choosing not to”. To a certain extent I do try to avoid saying I’m not good at things – instead saying I’ve never chosen to try to get good at them. I’m sure I forget a lot of the time though.
What we think really does have a tendency to become reality – we see what we expect to see, and become, largely, what we expect to become.
Nice to have your confirmation of my experience, Eric. Your approach sounds wonderful — lucky students!
Thanks for your kind comments. It is so easy to forget, isn’t it. That seems especially true when we are most in need of positive self-talk. That’s why I like my affirmations written down and posted, as reminders.
Glad you came by for a read, se!
Very wise words, Sylvia! Thanks for your input. I had a colleague once who (upon my agreement) made me pay him 25-cents every time I said “should”. It was fun, and it was sure a great way to raise my awareness about my constant use of the word. Now I call it “shoulding myself” and try to call myself on it whenever I hear it. Good for you for finding phrases to substitute. I’ll try yours!
Ive been struggling with life on and off. I’ll make a change for the better then regress to old insecurities and fears to the point where i dont want to leave the house, go to work or talk to friends. I truly hate when im in this mode but find myself feeling weak and helpless to get out of it. i feel guilty for even talking about it. this post is the closest something has come to inspiring me to change.. yet i can hear that voice saying ‘yeh it will work for a month then you’ll be back’
I’m a firm believer in positive affirmations. In fact, I create affirmation jewelry to serve as a positive reminder of that upon which we wish to focus. ‘Tis true…. what you think, you become! http://www.positiveassertions.com
I hear you, Pete. Those down-on-self feelings are pretty strong and sometimes tough to fend off. Still, you did say “yeh it will work for a month”, so go for it! That month will be a good month. Then when “you’ll be back” I feel sure you’ll find something else here at TinyBuddha.com to inspire another month. Please don’t feel guilty about expressing your feelings. Sounds like you have some good stuff to start off that left-side list on your folded paper. Then try transforming those thoughts, feelings, statements, as I described. Let us know how it goes, ok? And hey, thanks for reading through what I wrote and sort-of getting inspired, maybe, a little?
Whoa! Awesome! LOL, I wonder if a person could get a big-batch discount for ordering up their whole list of affirmations. Just kidding, of course. What a fantastic idea you’ve got there with your jewelry!
Kate you’re very sweet, thank you for showing love to me 🙂
Nice simple system
Are we really saying to ourselves that
what we think will be? Really how about reality? I truly believe that Yes, you
do need to have a positive approach and thought process about
life and the struggles that it brings; however I hope that we are not
falling into the beliefs of “tiny or big buddha” that just
think it and it will be. That my friends would be a shame to sit and watch your
loved ones crash and burn on the beliefs that you have the power
and knowledge to change the unchangeable with only your mind. It was once said that through Christ ALL
things are possible, for if Christ is for me who can be against me? I think we
need to be very careful in what we lay out trust in because the bible clearly
states that you shall have NO god before Me. All I am saying is I think we walk
a fine line when we start quoting “budda” for inspirational
thoughts, when our Lord God has giving us all the inspiring words we ever could
need to live our lives. We as humans need to stop looking for the easy way out
and look at the realities of our on lives and know that that who we
are is because of the choices we make every day. Every one of us will make a
choice; I pray you will choose Christ. John 3:16 says For God so
loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, so that who
ever believes in Him shall not parish but have ever lasting
life………….
I just had it pointed out to me the amount of “I shoulds” i have when I talk. Now I’m catching myself doing it and it really makes me have to think about it. Reall, should I be able to do x? Maybe not being able to do x is okay too. Or maybe doing x will come with time, do I need to beat myself up because I can’t do that now? Perspective is a wonderful thing.
This came at the perfect time for me. When I opened up my email from Tiny Buddha yesterday I laughed because it all was exactly what I needed to hear and exactly what I need to do for myself right now.
Robert, This is a Buddhist site and as such we follow the teachings of Buddha. That said, I believe the two religions have many parallels. As a Christian, you’re asked to let Christ into your heart. Therefore, Jesus lives in our hearts, in us. To have trust in yourself, is to have trust in Christ. As a Buddhist, I believe that yes, if I think it, it will become true. Perhaps just not in the *exact* form that I may have envisioned it. As a Christian, you pray – for guidance, for strength, and for support. To believe that you have the strength to over come your fears, anxieties, and negative self talk, is in a sense to believe that Christ has made you whole and therefore have no reason to fear, etc.
If you’d like to learn more about Buddhism and the similarities to Christianity, I would recommend you read the book “Living Buddha, Living Christ” by Thich Nhat Hanh.
And as we say, Namaste 🙂
I don’t think this was meant to be about changing reality. I don’t think this was about changing the “unchangeable”. This is about believing in yourself and what you can do in your life. I’ve never been a religious person. I wasn’t raised to have any religious beliefs. No one’s god or deity will do for me what I can not do for myself.
Positive affirmations are what they are. A chance to start changing your OWN life for the better and a chance to start believing in yourself. I was over weight, depressed and sinking into a very bad place before I realized that I was doing it to myself. Positive affirmations DO work if you put the work into them. I’m a very spiritual person. I have gotten myself into shape by using positive affirmations. Telling myself that I can’t lose weight isn’t very motivating. But when I repeat to myself daily that I am a good person, that I deserve the best in life and that I CAN do what I want by putting my mind to it. That my friend is the self confidence for tackling any of life’s obstructions.
No I can’t change world hunger, or that cancer exists but I can make a difference if I put my mind to it and create a positive change.
You’re right, Steven, and I’m glad you see it that way. Isn’t it great when we find something fairly straightforward to do that can help us make positive changes in our lives!
I’m glad my article reached out to you when you need it most. There are no coincidences, right? I wish you well in your work with affirmations and I hope my suggested method helps you create some good ones!
Good stuff, Michelle. It seems to me, too, that noticing our negative self-talk — catching ourselves at it — is a giant step toward creating change. That, and as you say, adopting a certain perspective, giving ourselves a break, making it OK to *not* do shoulds to ourselves.
Hi Robert, and welcome! Thanks for reading and posting at TinyBuddha.com, thinking and responding about how the thoughts and ideas in articles here relate to your own Christian beliefs and teachings. We can all grow and benefit from open minds and thoughtful discussions about how our beliefs affect our lives, thoughts, struggles, and self-improvement.
Yes, Christ and his disciples did have some excellent teachings, as did so many of the great thinkers who have lived through the ages. Check out
TinyBuddha.com’s “Quotes” sections and you’ll discover that it’s not just Buddha quoted here. When I read those, I’m inspired to create a better life for myself AND for the world around me. I don’t think that’s unchristian; in fact, all the great religions give us valuable lessons along these lines.
My article isn’t so much about “just think it and it will be”, it is more about transforming negative self-talk into positive and productive thinking and feelings. It isn’t about “changing the unchangeable” so much as it’s about changing what we do have the power to change — our minds.
During my Christian upbringing, I had teachers who showed me that an open heart and mind (remaining open to considering all ways of thinking and believing) can help us heal and expand our souls and our love. I do like that teaching of Christ that you quoted — that all things are possible. Through him, yes, and also through the many other paths available to us. I don’t believe Christ meant for us to sit back and wait for it all to come to us gift-wrapped. Christ AND many other wise teachers have pointed out that we need to participate in creating our lives and we need to contribute to our world.
What I wrote about in this article was just one of the proactive ways we can participate positively in the world we’re so blessed to live in. If we start with making positive changes to our own lives, we then become more able to contribute to the lives of others.
As Lynn replied to you, we can make a difference if we *put our minds to it* — that’s what my article is about.
Gigi’s insight is wise — you might think of this simple exercise of creating and using affirmations as a form of prayer. I hope that helps you understand how creating and using affirmations does not go against what you believe; it all works together.
My lifelong experience has shown me that what
I think and believe and hold in my heart does effect change in my world. Given that, it follows that it’s very important for me to keep working on developing and maintaining healthy and positive thoughts and beliefs.
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha. Question if this is one of the fundamentals that “buddhist” believe, and I think you have clearly stated that above, then explain how and why buddha the “man” that gave this quote is dead and buried? Why didn’t he just think and believe in himself to live and it would be…… How did he allow his mind in which controls his destination fail him so greatly?
That is a very ignorant question Robert. Inappropriate, especially for this website which is designed to encourage and inspire people. If this well-written post didn’t inspire you, there’s no need to ruin it for everyone else.
“No one’s god or deity will do for me what I can not do for myself.” – AMEN, sister! =)
I’m sorry if my question is offensive to you, all though still unanswered, I was not at all trying to bring you down, merely trying to understand how you place such trust in every aspect of your life by the words of a man that was just that a man? I believe that there are people in this world that are blessed by giving inspiring word’s that we could all learn from. Also as I said before I do believe that you need to have a positive love not only toward yourself but to others as well, however were I get a little lost is when I see this posted on Facebook where it appears that people are taking the words of buddha and basing their everyday decisions in life off this text. Just because it sounds good and feels good and many people agree to it, dose not make it right.
Hi Robert,
I thought I might pop in here, if that’s OK. My name is Lori, and I started this site. Though this site is called Tiny Buddha, it is not a website that encourages people to live their lives in accordance with the words of Buddha, without considering any other ideas that might be helpful to them. It’s a site about wisdom, and I very specifically aim to keep the posts religiously-neutral so that we don’t end up arguing with each other about belief systems. I think that when people get into religions, labels, etc, it can be very divisive, whereas the problems we face and the solutions that help us are really all quite similar.
Personally, I have found a lot of peace in Buddhist philosophies because a lot of the ideas are highly insightful and practical, regardless of what you believe on a religious level. However, I think that we all need to find the answers that make sense to us individually.
I love that these posts inspire all kinds of passionate discussions, and I by no means intend to discourage that. I just wanted to point out that the intention behind Tiny Buddha is not to encourage allegiance to Buddha, but rather to create meaningful conversations about the different things that help us, individually and collectively, let go of pain and let happiness in.
Your opinions, thoughts, and beliefs are welcome and respected, as are everyone else’s.
Much love,
Lori
It doesn’t make it wrong either though. And you see Buddha as just a man. That’s your right – to believe as you see fit. I see Jesus in the same way – just a man. That’s the beauty of our country – that we each have a right to believe *whatever* religion makes sense to the individual. And the beauty of shared experiences is recognizing where we share common bonds. We all breathe the same air, walk the same earth, and survive off the same nourishments (food & water). We all can benefit from positive affirmations. Even if it’s something like “God made me, therefore I am not ‘bad’, ‘evil’, ‘broken’, *whatever*”. Let me put it to you this way, if you had a sister or brother “in Christ” – wouldn’t you offer her/him compassionate words to change her negative thoughts? That was the goal of this article.
I have a full understanding & respect for what you are trying to say & accomplish, I feel that your heart is correct by wanting to helping others in every-way possible, I admire that greatly. However I don’t think your looking in the right place for the answers, yes we are free to believe in whatever we choose to; that is the beauty & horror of Free Will, unfortunately one of us are dearly wrong & one of us will have a very long time to look back at the opportunities this life has giving us to make the correct “free” choice. However, it is never to late until its to late. As for me helping out my brothers and sisters in Christ, yes I would do what ever it takes to help them out but not only my brothers and sister in Christ but anyone in need within my means giving to me.
Thank you all for allowing me to share my thoughts with you & for you being so honest with me on your beliefs.Loving Christ, Loving Others, Showing Others Christ Love…
This is so strange.I am 37 and always hated maths and never understood fractions. I always believed I was dumb and no good at maths. Just last week I started to learn fractions and a few other topics which I found difficult .it’s going ok so far and I am sure this article will go a long way in helping me.
Thank you for posting.
Good for you for being brave enough to go back and tackle that math and other topics. Be proud of yourself. You can do it, Spikyspurs!
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Thanks for this. I am going to give it a go.
I just made my affirmations and am beginning the practice of speaking them into being. Thank you so much for this step-by-step guide. It is the clearest explaination of this process that I have seen. You are truly a blessed teacher. Thank you again Kate.
This info is so true to the core. Thats a great way of changing your non supportive blueprint. Thanks so much for sharing and breaking it into understandable segments. Have a continous beautiful life
Robert, you are a god and so is everyone in the entire world. We are all one. The attitude you hold for another is the same attitude you hold for yourself. Nobody has ever died as in the spirit. The very same consciousness and God in you is the very same one in all humanbeings we have never being separate. We were , we are and we shall continue to be. When the student is ready…..the teacher appears. That means you can never change anyone apart from yourself and everybody have there own season of awareness. When things deviate from unconditional love, it all becomes vanity. Lets practice detachment.
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The pandora warm autumn wind, air mixed into the firecrackers fire taste; Of the face was full of joy.
thats so true and my life is changing to better
Tanks Kate. I Am learning so many good ways to change my way of thinking really gratefulldd
do we need to write stream of consciousness for only one issue or all the issues we have stated on the left hand side.