“Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” ~ Buddha
I am a very emotional person. I suspect I feel things about ten times more intensely than the average person.
When I’m sad, I’m really sad. When I’m stressed, I’m really stressed. When I’m nervous, I’m really nervous.
Some people would call it being dramatic. I simply call it a genuine aspect of my personality.
I’ve noticed that I have this awful habit of masking how I truly feel or forcing myself to feel differently. It seems as if I constantly have to remind myself that I am a human being and that it’s okay to feel bad sometimes. No one is a positive ray of sunshine every second of every day.
We all want to feel good and happy. When something is upsetting us, all we want is to feel better as soon as possible. But I’ve slowly learned that trying to convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re not will only make you feel worse. Â
Whenever I go through some sort of fallout, whether it’s with a friend or a love interest, I immediately cover the wound by telling myself that I’m over that person and they mean nothing to me anymore. I just smile and tell everyone I’m over it and then cry in the bathroom after dinner.
Also, when I went through a phase of feeling depressed and lonely all the time, I would fake smiles and assure everyone, including myself that I was perfectly fine.
I would honestly tell myself to stop being so pathetic and dramatic and that I had no reason to be under such a large, black cloud all the time. I shoved my feelings away and never opened myself up to talk about anything.
The same thing tends to happen even if I’m feeling a positive emotion. There have been times where I’ve felt happy, but let negative people put a damper on my spirit. I would hold back my optimism whenever I was around them.
Sometimes, people will tear you down when you’re happy or make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. It makes you feel as if being happy is wrong or offensive.
I often tell myself that what I’m feeling is irrational or stupid. I feel obligated to pretend that I’m stronger and happier than I actually am, even when I’m not. It is extremely rare for me to ever sit down and openly talk about my real feelings.
I always smother or bottle everything up and it’s not healthy. Â
The first step to fixing any problem is to identify that there is a problem. The same rule should apply when it comes to feelings. The first step towards feeling better is to admit that you’re not feeling good.
We are all human and we all feel. To feel is to be alive. To embrace and learn from your feelings:
1. Acknowledge how you really feel.
Dig past the facade you have placed over your true emotions and figure out exactly what it is that you’re feeling. Are you hurt, angry, nervous, confused?
Get your feelings out in front of you and honestly admit to yourself that you’re feeling them. Remember that it is okay to feel bad. You have already made great progress simply by admitting that you’re not okay.
2. Address the source of your feelings.
Figure out what happened that led to you feeling this way.
Did a relative say something that hurt your feelings? Are you nervous about that job interview? Is the neighbor’s loud music driving you insane?
Whenever I feel hurt or offended by someone else, I have a tendency to close off and keep it to myself. Then everything that person does starts to annoy me, and the anger or pain snowballs. If you need to right a wrong with someone, communication is the only way.
3. Stay open.
It is okay to be vulnerable. When addressing your true feelings or smoothing out a conflict with another person, I think it’s important to be honest and not sugarcoat anything.
Let yourself be angry, hurt, embarrassed or nervous without accusing yourself of being stupid and irrational. Your feelings belong to you and it is okay to let yourself feel them and then get them out and deal with them. The only thing that could be irrational is dealing with your feelings in an unhealthy manner, not the feeling itself.
4. Let your emotion run its course.
It takes time to heal. If you’re going through a hard time, do not try to force yourself through to the other side of it or convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re really not.
Remember that no feeling is final. Give yourself time to heal and cut yourself a little slack.
So today, if you are dealing with some sort of negative emotion and you’re trying to push it away, smother it, or convince yourself that you’re not even feeling it at all, just let it be. It will only pass when you allow it to do so.
There will be good days and there will always be bad days. We’re only human. Let yourself feel and let yourself be.
Photo by sera_leaving
About Madison Sonnier
Madison is a writer of feelings and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ and buy her first eBook through Amazon. She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Beautiful post, great to read. I love how realistic and loving you are.
Could not of come at a better time in my life
I’m so glad you found it helpful 🙂Â
Thank you so much. That’s so sweet.Â
Love it! So simple, but SO TRUE!
Thank you Madison. I think maybe we have been from the same pod. It makes me feel so comforted to know you have felt this way and that I am not alone. Sometimes it scares me that the feeling won’t pass but I have been okay before and I know I will again. Thank you for putting your feelings out there in order for people like me to find comfort.
This is so me 🙂 I loved this one!
Thank you! 🙂Â
Thank you so much for reading. I love when people tell me they can relate to what I write 🙂Â
I’m glad you loved it!Â
Great post! Have been struggling to kick a drug habit, and I’ve finally done it but previous relapses have all been because I wanted a quick way to feel good. This has opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I should just allow myself to feel however I feel without having to change it. I guess it’s more about being who you truly are, not hiding behind a haze of smoke instead. Thanks, you’re a star.
Thank you for sharing this, Madison. Many of us adopt a false belief early on that it’s not “ok” to express our true feelings and equate vulnerability with weakness. Ironically, it’s only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable through the honest expression of our true feelings that we attain freedom and a sense of wholeness. This has been a personal challenge for me most of my life. This comes as a blessed reminder that I am not alone in this and your post provides encouragement and support.
love’n’light,
Patty
I have the hardest time when I’m annoyed with someone else’s constant negativity and bitterness. As much as I would prefer to be understanding about their obvious pain, its very hard to be compassionate at the expense of my own well-being. As a sponge would, I’ve always absorbed their emotions and made them my own. In 2012 I’m focusing on becoming less the cup of water and more the lake.
Thank you for sharing. I felt like I was reading about myself! I am a very emotional person as well and people think I am being dramatic when I do get emotional. I love the statement “to feel is to be alive”. So many people are so guarded with their feelings. How do they experience anything in life? Such a great article…nice to know there are other people out there like me. 🙂 Â
Looooooooove this post, Madison!
Thank you so much for writing this. I swear, you took the words and emotions right out of me–right down to the adjectives and experiences.
Thank you for a great post Madison! Have you ever heard of the term Highly Sensitive Person? I bet you will find that a lot of it resonates with you. Traci
I truly am just like this too:
‘I am a very emotional person. I suspect I feel things about ten times more intensely than the average person. When I’m sad, I’m really sad. When I’m stressed, I’m really stressed. When I’m nervous, I’m really nervous.Â
Thank you! I used to feel the same way. I was very closed off and refused to show or express any emotion. But I think vulnerability is beautiful and it’s better to let yourself feel as opposed to keeping everything bottled up.Â
“I’m focusing on becoming less the cup of water and more the lake.”
I love how you put that! And yes, negativity can be very contagious. I try to avoid it whenever I can.Â
Definitely. I hurt hard and I love hard. 🙂Â
I have heard of that! I understand the feeling.Â
Thanks for reading! I’m so glad you liked it <3Â
Yay!! 🙂Â
Thanks for reading, Arlenem! I often have to remind myself that I’m human and that humans cry, stress out, and get frustrated. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. 🙂Â
Thank you so much and good for you! That’s great news. And I love what you said about not hiding behind a haze of smoke. That’s wonderful.Â
And I LOVE your website, by the way. I just looked at it. You share such powerful, beautiful, and relatable messages.Â
Hey, thanks for this post – I particularly liked what you said about this being a genuine part of your personality. Sometimes it’s hard to know what we can change and what we can’t, and we shouldn’t feel guilty if we can’t change something 🙂
I can’t say I do this all the time, but I have a time or two managed to ‘ride’ my emotion to its source to discover the underlying belief about myself that was causing the negative emotion.
that is so very me and this post could not have been better timed as I am aware I need to find a healthier way of dealing with my incredibly strong feelings, so thank you for sharing and it’s so nice to see from the other comments how many others there are who are the same!
Yes! I’m so glad people can relate. Thanks for reading.Â
I totally agree. It’s important to try to embrace every aspect of ourselves. 🙂Â
That’s a good idea 🙂Â
This is exaxtly what I’m realizing in life. It’s great to see it written out by someone else. It’s reassuring to be reminded I’m not the only one that is “dramatic.” I am learning to be honest with myself about how I am really doing and trying to not allow everything around me control my happines. Thank you for this article!
Aww, thanks Madison! Â xo
Hi Madison,
Ah I can relate. As an INFJ, I am also emotional and feel things very intensely. My lack of emotional control when I was younger was the cause of much of my pain and problems. I remember the dark cloud that used to hover over my head all those years ago. All that negativity, all that focusing on my problems instead of trying to find solutions.
I love the 4 steps that you have listed to address how you really feel. Many people are not in touch with their feelings as they should be and this could lead to many problems. Â
I think it is very important to let emotions run its course. If I am feeling sad over a heartbreak, I lock myself in the room and allow the pain to take me. If crying makes me feel better I cry. I do not try to fight or to resist what I feel. The more I resist, the more I frustrate my healing process by making it impossible for me to go all the way and let go. By surrendering myself, I hit rock bottom quickly. And from there, there is only one way left and that is up.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article! 🙂
Irving the Vizier
I’m so glad you liked my article and I’m so glad you learned to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to cry or feel frustrated. I’m always boxing up my feelings or telling myself I don’t have a right to feel them. But I do.
Someone once told me that if you didn’t have a reason for feeling a certain way, you wouldn’t feel that way at all. There is always a reason and figuring out the reason is a big step in itself.Â
Thanks for reading! 🙂Â
Thank you for reading! I also try to not let everything around me control my happiness. Being more self-aware helps me accomplish that.Â
Your emotions are your internal guidance system and should be listened to as they are the communication link between the mind, body and the soul.  Most of our reactions to situations that make us feel sad, angry, hurt or frustrated for example tend to be automatic because of how our subconscious mind works, however you can change your thought patterns.  A good place to start is your breathing.  When you feel anxious, sad, angry or whatever negative emotion then breathe in from your tummy for the count of 7 and breathe out for the count of 11.  Imagine your tummy is a balloon expanding as you breathe in and deflating as you breathe out.  Do this for about 2 to 3 minutes.  This is known as 7/11 breathing and it changes the chemicals in your brain to allow you to think more clearly and reach for an emotion that you do want to feel.  The only person making you feel the way you do is you, you have a choice about which emotion you want to feel….give it a go and see the difference 🙂
I definitely agree that your emotions are an internal guidance system. I’m getting better at breathing exercises because I hear that focusing on your breath is a good way to get back in control of your thoughts, mood, and reactions. 🙂Â
Very insightful…just what I needed to read today.When I can’t express my true feelings,the pressure builds up until I erupt.I don’t want things to be this way but over time am slowly working on my emotional issues.I will try to begin becoming like the lake now…hope I am able to.Thanks for this blog…take care.
i liked your essay for its personalness and ideas and i think/feel that sara said something that is ultimately the real solution to emotional issues, i.e., “The only person making you feel the way you do is you, you have a choice about which emotion you want to feel.” this frees us because we can choose to affect (for me via affirmation meditations) ourselves in a graceful,positive way uwhich then uses the law of attraction (for me the definition of karma, i.e., other people show me how i am interacting with myself and feel about myself) to attract the better part of each individual. that, enables us to feel our own positiveness and others, and not feel like a victim of others causing to judge them.
OMG!!! When I read ‘Sometimes, people will tear you down when you’re happy or make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. It makes you feel as if being happy is wrong or offensive.’, my heart skipped a beat, beacuse it brought back memories of when I suffered from severe depression and I was almost not allowed to be happy beacuse apparently I deserved what I was going thorough, gosh even writing about it now brings a tear to my eye. Only after I lost my hair to alopecia and almost wanted to end things did I think to myself…hang on just one minute,God does not want me to die and be miserable and I decided to let go of everyone that made me feel unhappy or worse than I already felt. I am a much much happier person and my new motto is ‘what other people think of me is none of my business’, its their thoughts and judgements and has nothing to do with me, so I just soldier on and keep myself away from unhappiness, poverty and misery. Happy all the way!!!!!!
Thank you so much for this wonderful post.
Timely, I must say.
Something happened to me and I was feeling really, really, really down. I was so angry at a friend up to a point where I wanted to just block that person from my FB. I was about to…. but I didn’t.Â
I told myself…”I am acknowledging that I am VERY EMOTIONAL now. Don’t do anything stupid cuz you will regret it later.”
True enough, after telling myself that over and over again… I became calmer. I didn’t delete that person from my FB…. and good news, we’re still friends!!!!Â
That’s so awesome! That same way of thinking works for me too and keeps me from reacting in a rash way.Â
I’m glad everything worked out with your friend 🙂Â
So beautifully written. No one deserves to be depressed or miserable and I know how it feels to wallow in those feelings because I used to do the same thing. I would just walk around thinking happiness was overrated and out of reach and convince myself that I would just get comfortable with being unhappy instead.Â
But everyone deserves to feel happy and good about themselves. It is really a wonderful feeling and no one should feel like they are wrong for being happy.Â
I am so so so glad you’re a happier person now. Always hold on and see yourself through your struggles.
And you’re absolutely right when you say “what other people think of me is none of my business.” I love that quote!Â
<3 Madison 🙂Â
Thank you for reading!Â
Its such a wonderful feeling to be happy. I used to wonder what people meant when they talked about happines and self love. I am so gald that I have found both and I think I love myself a bit too much lol, but its all good. Please feel free to use the quote as you please. It has worked wonders for me.
Wishin you loads of joy this new year xx
thanks for sharing your thoughts…has brought me back to a place of balance reading them!
“We all want to feel good and happy. When something is upsetting us, all we want is to feel better as soon as possible. But I’ve slowly learned that trying to convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re not will only make you feel worse.”
thank you for this validation. i’m tired of feeling guilty or negligent or accused of wallowing because i’m having a bad time right now and am not using my super zen powers to just ‘will’ it away, or put on a show for my enlightened brethren who feel i should be ‘above’ all this. i understand that bad feelings can be contagious, but then seriously, don’t talk to people going through a hard time if you can’t handle it or don’t want to be around it. i’d rather be left to sort through things myself than be baited and accused and have to feel defensive on top of everything else. sometimes the most supportive thing you can do for others during a bad time is give them their space and let things run their course.
negative emotions are as equally valid as positive ones. i think sometimes we want to have it both ways. people tell you ‘yes, it’s natural to be unhappy at this, now acknowledge your unhappiness and move on’ but they never say ‘yes, it’s natural to be happy about this, now acknowledge your happiness and move on.’ we shouldn’t wallow in any emotion, be it joy or depression, but we do feel them, and have to allow ourselves to feel them, and take whatever we’re supposed to take from them, as long as we don’t let them take from us. they are our emotions, not our masters. that being said, there is not set rebound time from any emotion, and just because we, as someone’s friend, might think they should be over it by now because we’d like to think we would be if we were in their shoes, doesn’t mean that the process is complete for them. everyone is on their own journey, and as callous as it might sound, especially regarding those we love, if we don’t like where their journey is taking them, we are not obligated to tag along. paths diverge all the time, and if and when they are meant to, they will connect again.