“Distance means so little when someone means so much.” ~Unknown
People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible ways of loving someone. I live in one: As a young European, I am deeply in love with my African boyfriend who pursues his career in Asia.
I met my love about two years ago. After dating for a few months and sharing a wonderful time in an Asian country, we split up, as he had many doubts about things that seemed to separate us. At this point in time, our differences seemed to be too wide to merge them into a happy, long-lasting life together.
This period was very painful for both of us. After one year—when I had already returned to my home country—he approached me again, explaining how wrong he was, and asking for a second chance.
I didn’t know what this implied, but my heart was saying wholeheartedly yes as I was confident the differences weren’t stronger than our love. My heart felt embedded in his, and I still loved him deeply.
So we started fresh again—this time with an extreme distance between us.
The first months felt easy, as the bliss of being back together melted the distance away. Even though different time zones and tight budgets influenced our ways of communication, it only mattered that we had found our way back to each other.
We missed each other dearly; but there was a certain peace with the reality. I could feel him being on the other side, thinking of me and being in love with me. This was all I could ask for.
However, I knew this serenity would come and go; frustration could kick in eventually and challenge us. Around one year and two visits later, the downsides of the distance did indeed knock me off. I missed my boyfriend during days and nights, and fear crept in.
What if this would lead us only to a big disappointment?
My mind dug through tons of questions and my world felt not as open and wide anymore. We knew we would need to deal with lots of issues if we wanted to be together—ambitious career paths and different work/life-balances, immigration papers, money, languages, intercultural differences, a worried family on my side.
It‘s not easy to keep up with the constant uncertainty of the future, and I often feel tired of external factors that hinder us.
But it has also dawned on me that I can’t make myself the victim of circumstances. We need to keep putting our heads up high and take the distance as our current external state that shapes us but will change eventually.
I don’t deny we live on two different continents, and can‘t have breakfasts in bed or spontaneous weekend trips to the sea. But I always wished for a wonderful man with a beautiful character who loves me for who I am. Now I got my wish—just totally out of my comfort zone.
I’ve learned some lessons along the way—and they may help even if you’re not in a long-distance relationship:
1. Communicate.
It‘s important that you speak, listen, write, fight, and laugh with your partner about everything that’s meaningful to you. I use different channels for communication, and surprise my honey from time to time with a postcard, a colorful photo, or an unexpected call.
We don‘t hear from each other every day; sometimes we can‘t Skype for days due to clashing schedules or bad Internet connections. This is annoying but okay.
We remember to respect the other person‘s schedule and space; we don‘t expect the other one to be available all the time. I think it’s important to keep it light to a certain degree so that there’s no need of constant (virtual) presence that would be draining at some point.
Also, I feel much better after sharing my struggles with my boyfriend; it’s a way of being honest and authentic. Make yourself a team in this. If you take on challenges together, it’s easier to handle the physical distance, and you get closer and surely learn a lot about each other.
Even if you aren’t miles apart, you want to find the right balance of interaction, and spice up communication with surprises here and there. You want to handle challenges as a team and become closer through them.
2. Challenge your doubts.
I can‘t make the distance define my feelings for him. It is what it is, and we can only do our best today in loving each other, and work toward a life together with patience and faith.
Distance doesn‘t kill love; doubts do. Therefore I give my best in choosing love over doubt.
Sometimes I’m not strong enough and let fear creep in. Then I share my frustration with him, talk to a close friend, or do something uplifting just for myself.
Then the feeling of love comes back on its own and laughs gently on my worried mind.
Every relationship faces challenges, and doubts may plague us sometimes. It’s our mind that causes doubts, so we’re the ones who can choose to take on a different perspective.
I’m not suggesting oppressing worries (that may be reasonable in unhealthy relationships), but I’d like to encourage you to choose a positive outlook when it’s healthy, instead of blocking yourself with limiting thoughts or labels.
3. Become clear about who you are and what you want.
If you love whole-heartedly it’s easy to put the other one on a pedestal and treat him/her like a superhero.
In a long-distance relationship it may even take more time to realize the other one is just as human as you.
Keep learning from each other, and don’t be afraid of discovering the flaws or challenges the other one may have. Try to first see what it is in you that makes you irritated, and exchange thoughts about it calmly and respectfully.
Always keep curious and ask lots of questions. Be willing to open up just as much.
Also, talk about where you want to head together and how you want to live. It’s important to create a vision together to know you’re on the same page.
As long as you respect and love your partner, you will always find a way to deal mindfully with conflict and disagreement.
4. Spend quality time together.
You don‘t need to talk every day. Just make sure the time with each other is well spent. Laugh a lot.
Try to treat the distance as a friend, not an enemy. Be creative, play with the technical possibilities—celebrate occasionally with a dinner on Skype, watch a movie via shared screen, or dance to some good music. Your joy about sharing those day-to-day things may be very high, as you do not take them for granted.
Visit each other as often as you can, and spend time just the way you want. Save up money for visits, split costs, and plan activities you want to do together. This is crucial for you as a couple, and it refuels the batteries.
Even if you see your loved one often, you still need to consciously choose to spend quality time together.
I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make out of it.
The point is to not deny the hard parts, but also to not feel paralyzed by them.
These are just a few ways to find strength and happiness in a committed long-distance relationship. What’s your biggest love challenge, and how do you overcome it?
Photo by garryknight
About Criola
Criola loves her friends, inspirational blogs, novels and fashion, dance, coffee and croissants—and she’s deeply in love with her boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world. Criola often finds herself at crossroads in life, ready to pursue her passion and all-day happiness.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
As an American girl dating a French guy living in London I really appreciated your story. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone! Best of luck to you both!
I know how you feel.
While teaching English in Brazil, I spent an incredible 6 months with the best man there. I returned to New York City and we are still together, even having been apart for a year. Our biggest challenge is trying to find a job for him here in NYC. It’s difficult to rely on others for sponsorship when our economy isnt doing well. We keep trying and hoping. Patience and persistence is key. We love and adore each other and believe the challenge is worth it.
Your article couldn’t have come in a better time. I live in California and dating a man in Canada. It’s not easy, quite frustrating and the doubts are killing me! Trust is big, and I lack that….I’ve walked away from it, but he came looking for me, but I can’t shake of the doubts. Fear definitely consumes you! Gives me hope and to know Im not alone.
I think its hard to trust but everytime I have ever had even the slightest doubt about her I push it away. I just think about something amazing she did or said that made me smile or happy and those doubts disappear
2 yrs ago i re fell in love with my childhood love. she lives on the other side of the country.The love is there but the timing is bad. after reading this it definatly changes perspective on how to deal with the distance. Im glad I came upon this post. great advice
thanks mike
But I think she will lose attraction as you are far from her …that what happened with me ..
Dear Mike, JJ, Camille and Samantha
Thank you very much for reading and commenting; I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and even found some comfort in it. It feels good to know we’re not alone in this – I especially feel this when reading blogs or books on the topic. I wish you all the best and also pray that the universe has got our backs.
Much love and light to you all 🙂
Best wishes to you both from someone who has walked a similar path. My husband and I spent the first three years of our relationship across the Atlantic from one another. Dating takes on a whole new meaning when it requires a plane ticket just to share space. You speak of the many lessons we learned as well in communicating, setting realistic expectations, and understanding doubt. We now have over a decade together, the last eight years of which have been spent physically in the same space. We’ve made a home here, on my side of the ocean. We love, we work, we play, and we face challenges head-on as that is how we learned that they are best overcome.
I love that Naea 🙂 I’m so happy for you guys and I do wish the same ending for me and my boy. I can feel the strength and commitment with which you showed up in order to being finally together ~ what a wonderful reward. Your story gives me much hope; thanks! I also like you pointing out that challenges don’t magically end when you finally spend a daily life together ~ it’s a new chapter to begin. Much love to your side of the ocean xx
It will happen. You two will be together someday. 🙂 My girlfriend and I are in different countries and our bond grows stronger every single day. She’s Romanian and I live in thee good old USA. You have nothing to worry about. Stay strong. 🙂
Thanks Jeff, I very much appreciate your kind words!
So nice, I’m also romanian, with a similar ldr story, currently in the craziness of doing something to move in together with my bf, so can only wish you two tons of luck with your relationship!!!
Lots of romanian people in here:P I am also romanian and, for about one year, i’ve been keeping in touch with someone from turkey (i can say i am a bit lucky cause i don’t have to cross the ocean to see him, only the black sea :P). We saw eachother once but we haven’t talked yet about moving together. Still we keep texting everyday and i really want to make this work, without pushing things and without putting too much pressure on him. One month ago i was about to give up on this “friendhsip / relationship” because i thought that it won’t have any happy ending but it seems i care too much for him and he does the same too, so i can only hope for the best. My best wishes to all of you who are trying to make things work in a LDR! 🙂
Hi Irene, lovely to hear your story!! and that you´re romaniaaan!!
One question people, how do you get to harmonize when one of you has intentionally left the country years before you being together and the other just can´t move out of the country??
There must be some energetical reasoning behind why we get to have a partner living far away. Any insights?
Hey! Sorry for taking me so long to reply you back. I am very curious if you managed to move with your partner: that would make me really happy to see that love wins over the distance (and other barriers). You said about some energies that make us experience this kind of connection and, at some point, i really believed this was true: you cannot keep walking this path unless you don’t feel that there is something deeper. Now i am trying to think more realistic because, at this point, i am a bit confused by my long distance friendship. We keep on texting daily but we haven’t seen each other since march and this is very difficult for me. I guess he got a bit scared about the way things are going on and sometimes i am thinking about just letting go but i care too much about him and i guess he does the same. So, if there is any destiny or connection or dunno, a special bound, only time will tell:) I am waiting for some good news from you: this will make me believe again in wonders:P
Hi lovely Irene! Good to hear back from you!
We haven’t truly moved in together, but he’s sort of in Romania for a while with some business to do, so it somehow feels as if he’s trying to see if he could stay here. He’s definitely a changed man since he first moved out of the country, but then again, you have to want to do it. I definitely believe there’s some sort of limiting belief we hold that makes us have difficulties in our relationships, such as a LDR, so I know that until we tackle those and really understand why do we need to create such difficult conditions for our relationship (it has to be some sort of sabotage involved – i got to see that I believe myself not loveable/interesting/worthy enough so probably that’s where it starts) we won’t be able to make things go more smoothly…
Write me whenever you want 🙂 i’m Ella Baubau on facebook…Kisses
I am so happy for you both. May God bless your marriage!!
What happens if the other person keeps doubting though? How do you make them see that your love is something that should be cherished?
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He is in the Marines and I live in the US. His first two years were spent stationed in Japan. During those two years, he went through hardships (I know) that I will never be able to relate to, but so did I. However, I stayed strong and believed that we would end up working while he, although strong most of the time, would slip into what we called “a funk” where he would doubt the power of our relationship/love. This third year he is in Europe (I can’t say where because that would really narrow it down) and although miles-wise we are closer (6000 instead of 8000), relationship-wise he is farther away than ever. He’s broken up with me three times, all doubting his ability to be a man and (more so) be my man. He has an issue with not being able to “protect” and “provide” for me and worries that if he’s not preforming at top notch, someone else will.
In reality, my heart belongs to him. I’ve always known that, and I still feel it. However, I’m getting exhausted from always having to be the one who is strong or the one who believes in us. How do I fix things before they completely tear my heart up to shreds? Today he went from (10am) “we’re going to get through this amount of distance because I need you in my arms” to (9pm) “I don’t know how I feel right now”… and it’s horrible. He’s always scared of hurting me (see the “Toxic relationship” post for those details) but I’d rather be strong through those pains than him questioning our love’s strength and value.
I’m so lost and tired. I love him, with all my heart, but don’t I deserve some effort and faith from his side too?
P.S. I am very happy for you and your love, you (as well as the other success stories commented below) give me hope.
Hey Little Fighter,
I trust things calmed a little down and you found back on your path! I know how much sorrow can come from this uncertainty.
Sending you much hope and strength
While I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship, I can still relate these lessons to my own cohabitation situation.. Something you said at the end really struck me: “I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make out of it.”
Equally, I think that physical closeness does not equal emotional closeness. It’s so easy, getting to see my love every day, to take that for granted and neglect the emotional side… Thank you for the reminder to pay closer attention. Best wishes to you and your love!! =)
Thanks Kaylee for your sweet words! I should answer you in a personal message soon 😉 Wishing you and your love much happiness
I found this article just on a day that I needed to. It’s bad enough to deal with normal insecurities like one’s self image but factoring in someone you’re interested in who is 2100 miles away sometimes drives me nuts.
We actually met via FB through a mutual friend so we have in fact NEVER met in person. That he is “interested” I believe there is no doubt since we have been texting and or emailing everyday–it will be two months 1/6/13. With the time difference, his job with a huge telecom company that has him on call frequently and him being a part-time dad with a full-time attitude to his 7-year old daughter, talking on the phone has been a challenge. Sometimes I’m afraid he will get bored but so far that hasn’t happened. We check in with each other as if we are “dating” and it’s actually really nice. Righ now I am merely enjoying the exchange but I would be dishonest if I said it was enough but I tend to be a hopeful person by nature. I found the timing of coming across this article quite serendipitous and am so happy that I did.
Thank you for the wise words and for sharing your insight.
Dear Shauntay,
thanks a lot to stopping by! I hope things fell into place for you and your man and you’re happy! Much love
Hey, I am in india and my guy is in the states. We have been together for 3 years but haven’t met since long. He tends to get worried and tired about the uncertainty of our future, but I never want us to give up. I read this and thought I would make him read it too.
Thanks and very well written.
Thanks Shradda, it would be so cool if your bf reads this and gets inspired 🙂 Have a wonderful day!
I needed this. I’m struggling right now but there is a voice inside me that tells me to take it day by day. The doubts just drag me down. Thanks for the positivity.
You’re more than welcome Marie! I hope you will be ok! Taking it day by day is a wonderful way of seeing it! Let me try this too 😉
Hello my friends i am in a same condition..cariola plz contact me..i need.tp take suggestions from.u..my email.is umair.muzamil@gmail.com
and I am sure when you will hear my story..it will motivate u more…
hi i’m nanik my boyfriend living in paris am in newzealand ,is so hard to have long distance relationship, i cry lot’s because i am scared that not going to work out i love him to much, but i won’t put my fair and my doubt controlling me ,i think our love strong enough to hold on, but if it mean to be we will get married and one of us have to sacrifice to move to his country or mine,,thanks for your tip help me so much i wasn’t so sure if i want to continue my relationship until i read your advice ,ones again thank you so much.
Hello, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend from Tennessee and we have never met/hold each others hand yet but I do know that I love him and I know that he loves me too we’ve been together for 3 years now and we are still going stronger but we really cannot deny that all relationship goes through hardships like arguments and misunderstandings sometimes he refuses to listen and when i ask him why i annoy him he refuses to answer.
sometimes when he is mad I give him time but I also loos the guts to talk when the time comes that he is willing to talk. I always keep on having doubts about our relationship especially when I feel that he is cold.
But I really love him and I always tell him how much I love him!
I will do my best to keep him happy and in love with me until the very end.
We are in a gay relationship by the way.
I just felt so sad when he said to me once that there is no way for us to meet in person. I felt like I lost hope and cried the whole week since we both know he is the only one who is capable of traveling here to my country and if he thinks like that then it means he is not willing to come here and there really is no way for us to meet in real life .
He is the only one who made me feel loved and I now he will always do but I am so scared and getting impatient of when is the right time that we meet.
:'(
Dear Christian,
thanks a lot for your comment! i can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to being in a relationship of three years with the man you love and haven’t even met him yet. Is it visa issues that make it so difficult to see him?
I don’t know your relationship and I can’t really say anything about it.. but I feel a bit as if you were hiding behind this relationship and don’t think you’re worth more than that. You are! And your boyfriend should see you, meet your friends, family, places that are important to you, your culture. It’s so important to experience the other one in real life situations right next to you as this makes you see who he really is – with his good just as his less perfect sides 😉
Long distance relationships take a lot of energy and they can fuel you with just as much love. But the positive energy only comes through joint memories and the prospect of creating new memories together. So go, and fight for him and your love. But don’t don’t settle for a situation that doesn’t mirror your worth.
Sending much hope and light xx
I loved this! My beloved is in West Africa, me on the east coast mid-atlantic of the U.S. We are not rich and communication costs add up. Internet and phone connects are unpredictable at best BUT it is all worth it. He is my dream come true and is the best man I can ask for. We communicate as much as possible and are always together in our minds and hearts. He surprises me with calls, emails, texts, and planned as well as unexpected gifts…as I do him. We are a team, he is my rock and I’m his cheerleader and we face everything together. LDRs are hard and not meant for all but when it works it works. Not everyone understands it, they doubt us but we don’t let that stop us because we know how what we share is as real as it gets. Don’t let the distance define your relationship if your hearts are pure the love needs no help in defining what you have. TRUST-PATIENCE-UNDERSTANDING-COMMUNICATION are essential and can’t be overlooked. Don’t take eachother or limited communication time for granted. Laugh and cry together, say ‘I love you’, be careful of those who may try to sabotage you because they don’t understand or are envious. ALSO, realize that LDRs can move faster/slower than a local relationship due to the types of conversations we share (we can tend to talk more, learn more, bond more quickly because we aren’t going through ‘silent moments’ like if your went on a movie date), cultural influences can also affect the pace of the relationship….MAKE YOUR OWN RULES.
Hi Titi
Thanks a lot for your thoughts and story! I’m sure it helps many who are in a similiar situation. Maybe you wanna leave ur Email address so we can connect over a personal message? Hugs, Criola
Hello Criola,
I hope this response finds your well. Here’s my addy: hunnydropps73@gmail.com plz feel free to mail me 🙂
Hugs Back at You, Titi.
I can honestly say that I am 100% in love with my long distance girlfriend. This is the first time I’ve ever had feelings this deep for someone. I recently was able to visit her in her hometown of new York and have plans to go back in a few weeks to visit. My only fear is that maybe she is unsure of her feelings towards me. She warned me at the beginning of our relationship that she want one to express feelings and say or do lovey dovey types of things so I knew what I was getting into ahead of time. So how do I know if she’s really in love with me or if its.more of a wait and see thing. I really want a future with this woman because she is the most amazing person I have ever.met and I fall in love with her more everyday.
loved this article. My boyfriend and I just went recently went LDR two months ago; he has a busy work schedule and i’m afraid that not being able to talk as much will tear our relationship apart. I feel like the next time I see him i wont feel the same because of our speration. he is the only one I want and i dont want this to happen, how can i prevent this?
Hi Stacy
Yes, busy schedules can be draining and give you the feeling of loosing the bond to your special one. If I feel frustrated about it, I try to remember that busy work schedules are a common challenge for every couple – it’s something you need to handle either you’re in a LDR or not.
From my experience, business comes in waves and there are times when you have more time and energy to talk and spend time with each other than other times. For today, you could surprise him with a postcard or a movie night. Focus on keeping the bond between the two of you lively, and try not to worry much about how your next get-together will turn out.
As long as he is making room for you despite his busy schedule and you see it as a challenge you both can take together you will make it through this tough time.
Wishing you a lovely spring time!
Criola
Hi criola,
I’ve been in a Long distance relationship now for almost 4 years. We actually met online and have been dating ever since. He lives in Massachusetts and I live in California. I’ve visited him many times and I love his parents and his parents love me. His mom and I are very close. However, he’s only been to California a couple times and sometimes I feel like its better to visit him because he has more privacy at his 3 story house than my 1 story house. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but he’s my first serious bf. he’s 23 And I’m 21 but we’ve been dating since I was 17. I sometimes feel like I want to date other guys to get more experience with dating but I’ve found someone who loves me for me and idk I guess I’m confused. Any advice?
Hi Danielle
Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 It’s great you and your bf are handling the long distance so well and see each other often. It’s also great that you like his parents and they like you! I think it’s totally fine to spend more time at his side if you feel more comfortable there – no worries if it’s not exactly ‘even’ 😉
About your confusion.. Maybe you feel a bit odd because you don’t exactly know where this all is going..? Do you both talk about your future plans and how/when to be together in the long run? Working towards this goal may help you to feeling you really belong to each other and you are building up something together. The urge for looking out for someone else may thereby fade away.
Yes, you are still young.. but I don’t think you need more experience in dating.. it seems as you are already in a great relationship. So just work on the one you have and keep on making it beautiful 😉
Wishing you all the best and many exciting trips to Massachusetts!
Loves & light
Criola
Hi Criola,
I need help!
I’m currently on foreign exchange in Spain (I’m 16) and I’m dating a Spanish guy (17). It might sound kind of silly for my age but honestly I feel so in love with him. We’re constantly together and we can talk about anything and we have the most open relationship in the world (as in we’re open with each other… not an actual “open relationship” ^^). But in a month and a half I have to go back to Washington and finish my junior and senior year of highschool.
We’ve only been dating for 7 months but we love planning out our future and all that and we talk about it all the time. We graduate college at the same time (in six years!!) and we plan on moving in together and tackling the world together after 🙂
Obviously I know six years is a long time and it seems stupid to even hope. I mean, Spain – West Coast is a really really long way. If we both work for it we feel like we can see each other three times a year. We can spend the entire summer together and then during the year 2 other 2-3 week periods.
Could you give me any advice? Is it even possible to hope? I love him so much I cannot describe. Maybe it’s stupid to people who are more mature in the dating world but for us it’s so, so real and it breaks my heart to think that this could possibly end. Because right now is bliss, but I feel as if in one and a half months everything will come crashing down.
Thanks a million,
Amy
Hey Amy
Thanks for taking the time for reading and commenting as well as for sharing your story. My answer is very simple and straightforward 😉 You’ll give it a try and stand up for your love with your boyfriend!
It will be challenging but it feels much better to keep walking and building a path rather than thinking and worrying and not doing anything about the situation.
Have you thought of building up a professional life in Spain? You could spend the summers working there, or you could take up internships, volunteer work etc. to earn some money while being with each other and gain work experience. You could also think of doing your vocational training in Spain, or – if you already know you will take up studies – do an exchange semester or even study fulltime in Spain. Of course, the same goes for your boyfriend; he could try and come to the US as a student or trainee.
I’m confident you both will find a way if you want to be together. And as you say, you’re still very young, and you can always reconsider your path together when you feel it is not what you truly want.
Wishing you much happiness and strength! xx
how can I make a girl from outside of my country to love me in a long distance relationship ?
please someone help me …:$
I just entered into a relationship (2 weeks ago) with a guy that I haven’t met yet in person. We’re friends in Facebook and I met him a year ago since he’s my brother in law’s best friend. Just this April we communicated again, after losing contact for almost a year. I fell in love with him and same goes with him. Now, we always talked over the phone for hours every single day and night, every time we get a chance to. We laugh a lot and shared secrets too. I think it also helps that my guy is sweet like he used to sing me a song everyday, do whatever request i asked from him and he even make a song just for me. I know it’s too early but we are talking about our future together like marriage or having kids. This makes me hold on to him till the time that we meet (he promised that we will see each other personally within this year but no exact date yet). I believe in him and we trust each others too. I can feel it and I know that he loves me too every time we talk. I don’t let anyone discourage me about our relationship though I know they have a point. As what he always told me, our fate lies in our hands and no one else.
Hi Irene
Thanks for your lovely comment! Your mindset is wonderful, and I’m wishing you lots of love and magic with him. Take care xx
I been in a LDR for 1 year and 9 months, I met him on facebook….I’m here in florida and he is in nicaragua, am from there also, and what surprised me was that we’re from the same neighborhood, but we never seen each other, his grandmother has this store that I use to go shopping too, he said he was always over there helpung his grandmother out, but the thing is I’ve been over there and never once I saw him…Anyways our relationship right now is real healthy, we laugh, argue, we say we love each other all the time, we have doubts…
I think am going back to visit my family over there, I told my boyfriend and he got all happy, he wanted to tell everyone but I told him not too, because well one detail I missed out of all this, is that my family and his have bad history in the passed…they don’t want us together 🙁 well his family don’t have a problem with it, but mine does and it hurts me that they don’t want me with him, he said he won’t give up on me, that he will fight for me, because I came in his life when he really needed me….
What do you guys think I should do about that problem with my family not wanting us together? Pleasee help me, I love him and I don’t want to lose him
Hola Catalia
Gracias for your comment. How wonderful you’re in such a sweet and healthy relationship (although it must feel a bit like Romeo & Juliet lately). I know your problems, I also face them. It’s very painful (and shameful too) if those who are supposed to love and support you turn into “Nay-sayers” and make it even harder for you – particularly, if you already deal with a tough situation as the distance and all that comes with it.
I’m sure it’s very tough on you, and your strategies probably depend a good deal on the importance of tradition and loyalty in your family. In my part of the world the traditions are not as strict as in other cultures but I’m still in your shoes. My parents are/were very opposed to my relationship due to prejudices and sorrows on my (long term) happiness. I told them about my relationship straight-head onwards, talked to them, explained them many times how happy I am with my sweetheart, and that I won’t give up on us just because our bond throws them out of their comfort zone.
After one long heated discussion I got to the (exhausting) point, where I realized the talking won’t change their judgement, and I told them “Ok, I realize, you have your thoughts, and I can’t change them. Let me walk my path then, I know it’ll make me happy”. Lots of uncomfortable silent moments followed, and I just hated the awkward distance between us. By now, my parents have met him during his first visit in my country, and it helped tremendously. There are still prejudices and doubts, but we jumped a big step ahead.
So, from my experience I know how challenging and uncomfortable it can be, and you may loose a great deal of the (respected and trusting) relationship you used to have with your family. But, on the other hand, I feel it’s so important to stand up for yourself, for him and your feelings.
You may start talking to your mum or dad (the one you have a closer bound to or who shapes the decisions in your family), and explain them your situation. Then work from there. It’s also helpful to find some “allies”, such as a sensitive auntie or a supporting sibling. They may have an influence on your parents, and can help a bit. I also always tried to show my parents that I wanted an open, and honest communication with them, and that this is why I made them know about my relationship. I always hoped that this shows them I mean it well, even though the decision itself is not their cup of tea.
I hope this helps a bit Catalia. All the best to you both!! Keep on being happy with each other and have a great summer xx
We’re grateful about other readers’ thoughts too =)
thank you for this too. I told my mum and my sister, but they are far away from supporting me. I am now back with my family, living in a very ignorant neighboorhood but will move away from here soon..
I know my dad would not speak to me for a while if I tell him.
How was your parents’ reaction first? How did you tell? I am now at the point where I think I never can tell… and it drives me crazy too (apart from not knowing if my bf will ever be able to come to EU).
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My boyfriend will be leaving the country in 2 months and his career plans don’t see him returning. I obviously want him to be happy and I want both of us to pursue our goals. But, I am so conflicted right now that I can’t make any decisions with respect to my own life and career choices. I torture myself constantly with thoughts of whether I should align my career to the relationship so that we can be together or go ahead with my dreams, which are completely opposed to his. It is difficult for me because our relationship is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced but now I don’t know how to reconcile my relationship and the plans I always had for myself.
I know the sensible thing to do is to take care of myself first (” you’ll never wake up one morning and have your career say he doesn’t love you anymore) but I’m so scared of making a mistake and losing something that gives me so much joy.
Hey Miss Lost
Thanks for posting! I’m sorry you’re facing such a challenging time these days! I understand your feelings, and I know how puzzling they can be.
What does your bf say about it, is he willing to find a compromise? Could you both try long-distance for a while and pursuing your career plans apart from each other for a certain time? In a long distance you could also “test” how much you want to be with the other one, or if your lives grow apart from each other. Finding this out can be very painful too, but at least you would have tried, and knew, it’s not meant to be for now.
On another note, are you sure you can’t follow a career in his country/region? It may give your education an interesting (and important) edge to learning about your field in a different environment?
These are just ideas that might be worth the effort. But just do it if he is willing to working on it together – you certainly can’t bear the burden on your shoulders alone. Sending you a big optimistic smile!
Hello Criola, How are you doing today? can you please hook me up with someone … I’m presently working in Dubai. I want to love and be loved.
Thank you so much for this post. I am exactely in the same position. I am European, he is African. Due to papers our future is unknown. Well, part of our future. I know I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. We tried many different ways for him to be able to come to EU. Until now all failed. A lot of time and money have been spent. This is why I have doubts. I don’t doubt our love, I doubt our situation. I have been with him in the various offices and saw their “willigness” (irony..) to help.
The situation as it is right now drag me down. I can’t even skype with him, cause my family doesn’t know about us – and he can’t because of the bad connection.
Did you find a solution concerning the papers and/or your situation? Maybe I oversee what is so clearly in front of me. Or anyone else here knowing some opportunities for him to get out of Africa? thank you so much…
Hey Blanca
Thanks for your lines! My boyfriend and I face exactly the same challenges as you two do – immigration rules that seem super high to overstep, lots of closed doors (and faces) as well as financial burdens. We are constantly (re-)considering our options of different visa types, and go through every possible option we know of.
So far, I travelled his way (which is easier); a few weeks ago my boyfriend also came to my part of the world with a visit visa (after a first refusal by the embassy, our appeal, and an approval after only 24 hours).
It’s somehow sad, but international couples with visa challenges often get married much sooner than other couples – simply because they need to have the married status to be allowed to live together. I have refused this option so far as I want us to feel ready on our own timeline.. but it more and more seems like the only option – unless we win the lottery, or have an influential friend in some embassy 😉
I wish you both all the luck in the world! Keep us posted, will ya?
Warmly,
Criola
I know exactely what you mean by closed doors and closed faces. For now to get the visit visa, he has to work for more than 2 months to even have chances to get it. I am so nervous. I dont want a refusal again. So, now I have no idea how he is doing, cause he is on the sea for at least 45 days. I just know he is sad, and it makes me sad too. I can’t reach him via internet or phone.
Makes me crazy! I am not the kind of person sitting in front of the phone to get messages/calls. I have my own life, meet friends. But in this case, now I changed. – cause missing a call could mean it was the only chance to talk to him for another couple of weeks.
And yes, the marriage thing. We feel exactely the same.I dont want to marry because i HAVE to. I want to marry because I WANT to. and because I feel ready.
Where is your bf from? Where are you from?
Do you have other visa options in mind? The only option we have is the tourist/visitor visa. But that is not a solution forever. As first he worked and lived in EUrope (when we met), we didnt really think about the visa things. Well, we didnt want to. But now .. we have to..
Any news about your relationship? all the best!!!!!
Hey Blanca!
Have you considered a student visa which is also applicable for language courses?
can you give me more info about the language course opportunity? I already thought about it, asked several language institutes – but they didnt reply. Is it dependent on the language institutes or only on the embassy in Africa?
This is so inspiring..but what if he does not share the same optimism as I do?Is it really woth the fight if it’s only one sided?
Hello Dodo!
Thanks for dropping by!
I guess in every love – if near or far – the key is both face the same direction and really want to be with each other. Sometimes, it surely takes a while of adjusting to a long-distance, and developing the energy needed for it. Being in a long-distance is a particular challenge, and couples can really grow with it. But, if you gave it some time, and your partner doesn’t commit to the same level you do, you probably set yourself up to much pain. Maybe it’s not the right constellation at this point in time?
Take good care of yourself!
I met my boyfriend through a summer school in Canada. Unfortunately, he lives in Mexico and I live in Holland. We fell deeply in love and we try to communicate as much as possible, even though our timezones won’t really let us communicate that much (7 hours difference). I’m planning to go to Mexico next year, even though the flying ticket is kinda expensive. But I would do anything to see him again.. Even if I have to wait 11 months. I just really miss him but your article really made me feel better and I want to thank you for that. And to the other LDR people out there; have hope. It may seem all worthless at some points, but think about all the good things. When I skype with my boyfriend (we usually skype once a week on saturday night and whatsapp almost everyday) I always have loads and loads to tell him and so does he because we don’t ”see” eachother that often! It keeps our relationship interesting. And we always send random pictures of our nights out so we can both laugh about ugly party pictures. And even though we’re both very young, I’ll just wait and see where this relationship will take me. Deep in my heart I know I’ll always love him no matter what. And we have one thing in common; we don’t like the boys and girls in our own country : ) Thanks again for this amazing wonderfull article!
Many thanks Ann, for your sweet comment! I’m wishing you many exciting trips to Mexico and beautiful things to come to you and your man!
Hi Blanca
Somehow our thread is not allowing more replies; let me write you in a new comment.
I suggest you consult the online services of the embassy of your boyfriend’s country (as well as your country’s foreign office or academic exchange service) and check how student visas may be granted and if language courses count as studies. If this option exists, there will be language institutes matching the formal requirements; try to call them up or check their websites on what they offer. You also may want to get in touch with the foreign student offices of the main universities in your country – they can help you in finding out how to apply for a student / language course place. Maybe you do fit the requirements and could try this!
Best of luck to you two! =)
Yes I did that in the meantime. Thanks. I didn’t get any reply until now .. But hey, yesterday my bf was able to call me after 9 days of not hearing anything from him. (he is on a ship). He also told me he decided to quit his job right after the ship comes back to land. He is in a high position on the ship so quitting the job is somehow a huge step for him. Because he will be unemployed – and trying to get a visa. He said he couldnt be like this without even hearing my voice. I feel so relieved, cause I wanted him to quit his job, but didnt want to let him know directly. Now when he told me he will quit, I felt so relieved 🙂 But now, the visa needs to work out!! 😉
😉
update: study visa didnt work. EU does not accept his A-levels. Whatever. Now, tourist visa (90) days to ask for. TOmorrow is the appointment. Wish me luck.
Thank you for writing this article. I will share some of these on my next blog. I hope you visit my blog too. Thank you Criola! This really helped. <3 (cforyourself.wordpress.com)
Cool, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
oh gosh…u dont have any idea how much i needed this..i am a girl at my 20s and my bf is a year older than me..our relationship is 5 years old and we have been doing great since he left in America,Ny…I live in Europe…ITs hard..very hard and i feel like i cant do it anymore..is killing me…
This really puts me on a different mindset. I feel a little bit of relief. My boyfriend is in the Army. So it puts a huge hold on our relationship. It’s tough. But reading this will hopefully help me out. Thank you for having the time to write this out.
Thank you Christina for taking the time to read and comment, and best of luck!!
Good for you. 🙂 I live in the U.S. and my girlfriend is European. She is the love of my life. What is amazing is we have so much in common that we to this day have a hard time figuring out what our differences are. We are each others best friend. There is no one single thing that we cannot express to one another. Even our future careers goals are the same. She picks out my work clothes for my current job. I tell her I love her and that she is so beautiful I bet at least 30 times a day. The things you wrote about are so true. Communication is very important. One key thing you left out is respect. I tell her that I love her for her physical beauty but that her personality comes first. I did not know that true love existed until now. Everything happens for a reason.
🙂
What happened to my post?
Your blog is really inspiring! I am going crazy right now about how far me & my guy are. He lives in Germany & I live in California. I did a summer internship from June 10th to August 16th and I met this guy that works at the same place I wored. We started hanging out a lot which eventually turned into us dating. I fell really hard for this guy because when it came down to me leaving, I didn’t realize how much I’d miss him. He wrote me a letter and gave me one of his favorite shirts as a goodbye present. This is the first week without him and I miss him so much! I am not good at long distance relationships, but I think I’m going to see where this goes.
Yes Angela, you will figure it out together 🙂 Have you thought of coming over to Germany? California seems a bit sunnier to me, but hey.. there are some pretty exciting places in Germany too 😉 Good luck!
My fiancé surprised me with this candid and insightful article. I asked her to take a look at her behavior while I’m out of reach. At times, keeping myself constantly available to her while battling my own environment is overwhelming. She insists that I need to keep talking but she mostly keeps her fears to herself. I haven’t got this thing under control anymore than she has but I always encourage honesty and do my best to lead by example. Thank you, Criola. You totally nailed it.
Thanks Adam and good wishes to you!
Wow…I really needed this read today also. I’m really struggling bad
myself right now, with missing my guy, who just left his job in Iraq for
another in Afghanistan. I was supposed to see him in September, but now
it won’t be until December. The doubts here lately are what’s got me bad. When he was in Iraq…we would Skype everyday, which made my WHOLE day. He’s been on “stand-by” in the UK (where he is from…..I’m in the U.S.), for almost 2 weeks now (was supposed to only be a week) waiting to fly out to his new job, and we have only Skyped twice cause he has been busy catching up with friends and family. It actually makes me soooo happy for him to get to do that….It’s just been killing me is all!! *sigh* I’m just sooooo glad I came across this article. I totally cried
tears of hope. I’m keeping it, to read when the doubt hits. I just wish we were back to at least talking everyday! I never comment on blogs either. NEVER. It sure feels good to get some of these thoughts off my chest though. ^_^ I hope all is well with you and your guy!! 🙂
Wow, being separated from each other this way must be so hard too and I take my hat off to your bravery and commitment! I hope your bf is safe and you are back together already/soon! Loves & light and thanks for the good wishes 🙂
Criola,
Thanks so much for such a thoughtful, mature article. So much of what can be found on LDRs is sensationalized junk with no depth at all. It was a breath of fresh air to read your article. I have been in a LDR for over a year and a half. I am from California and I met my love on a vacation in Costa Rica. We have not only the challenge of the distance, but also cultural differences and different primary languages. Communication is complicated by the fact that he lives in a very remote rainforest area where internet is rarely available and phone connections are not always great. We generally talk every day anywhere from 5-10 minutes to a half an hour or more.
It helped me to hear you say that it is okay not to talk everyday. While I want us to speak daily when we can, sometimes we go for 2 or 3 days. I start to get really frustrated after about two days especially if I have texted with no reply or made repeated attempts to contact him. The burden to contact is mostly on me because he truly can’t afford it. I am tired of having to carry that load for so long now. Every time I have started to feel extremely frustrated or angry that he hasn’t communicated with me and I tell him this, there is almost always a really good legitimate reason for it – very busy work days, no signal, sick. I let insecurities start to creep and then feel bad for having any doubts after we do finally connect. I think he could do better at times, but the bottom line is I know he loves me.
I met his family and we got engaged in July and are now going through the fiancé visa process. He was denied a tourist visa to come here on vacation and meet my family. I remind myself daily that this man is willing to change his whole life to come here and be with me. When I do this it seems to balance out the thoughts I have about being tired of carrying the primary communication responsibility. When I do get frustrated he always calmly disarms me and reassures me that everything is fine. When we are together it is absolutely wonderful. I am looking forward to spending three weeks with him on a European vacation this fall and we expect he will get the visa around January so at least it feels like the end if the distance is in sight and our wedding and the beginning of a great life together is almost here.
Best of luck to you.
Dear Christina
Your post (*thanks for that*) really touched me – I felt connected to your story in many ways (language and cultural differences, communication tools, visa processes…). We do deal with those challenges too, and I also know those creepy moments when fear comes in and the ego snaps. You do reflect a lot though, and you know your mind is the trigger.. that’s already very helpful.
You two seem like a great team already! Maybe.. when you get tired and frustrated remind yourself that it is a giving and taking, and that he is giving what he can. He seems like a wonderful man that is proving his love by coming to your country. I wish you all the best for the coming weeks and a wonderful wedding and an even better life afterwards 🙂
I have had my relationship now for 6months. He lives in Cali I live in Ariz.we were going to get together soon but now he’s stuck in Jakarta we dont know how long. God lead him to me he said. We love one another desperately. However I find myself increasingly wanting to be physically with him an its so hard. An him the same . we love each other more then words can say an speak 2times a day plus a little texts we send. Its still very hard an we love each other deeply. I’ve never loved someone so much an know we are tobe together . Please help me tho I’ve never been thru this
Hi Susan,
I’m sorry things are so challenging for you – I know how it feels. All I can do is reassuring you when the two of you want to be together it will happen eventually. You love each other dearly – this is the most important piece of the puzzle! Keep hanging in there, and do what it takes to get back together. All the best to you two! And sorry for not responding earlier, my man just stayed with me for a few weeks and I was under the radar 😉
I just found the love of my life. She is from the Canada and I’m from
Denmark(Europe). I’ve had other distance relationships that failed
because the “sparkle” wasn’t there. But now I finally feel truly in
love. The time difference is 6 hours so I have to call her 5AM in the morning to speak to her haha <3 But damn, is it worth it <3
We love eachother so much, we have laughed together and cried together <3
But
I'm just so afraid of losing her or something like that D: That thought
is just killing me.. I spoke to her about it and she swore to never
leave me 🙂 We made promises to eachother.
May god bring us together one day.
I wish you the best energy to make your wishes come true! Stay happy and hopeful xo
I have recently met a girl who lives about 300 miles away in another state. We have known about each other for over ten years but never met. We finally met at a funeral of all places and there was an instant attraction. We talked after the funeral and decided to meet for dinner later that night. We talked for over five hours and feelings that I never knew existed came over me. Our phones erupted with texts and phone calls for two weeks. I went and visited her and we had a wonderful time together. She came down with a very bad cold when I was there so not all things went as planned. We texted for two days after I was back home and then communication started to dwindle. I knew she was very sick and missed several days of work. I would check in on her and only received one text saying she was feeling better. I sent a text that went unanswered for three days and then I sent another one telling her to have a great day and I haven’t heard from her in four days. She was going on a business trip so I know between missing work, getting ready for a trip, and raising a son she has a lot on her plate.
Reading this article gave me some reassurance about respecting each others space, which I think I have done, but I have a fear she may not respond to me. She has captivated my heart and as each day passes that I don’t hear from her my heart sinks and I feel the emptiness I had before start to return. I hope by being patient she will come around and at least say hi.
I hope so too Chris! You seem like a very gentle and patient man and she would be lucky to have you! I keep fingers crossed for the two of you!
Hi everyone i will never forget the help the priest of JAYEMA temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of JAYEMA temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest JAYEMA i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their JAYEMA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give priest JAYEMA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via jayemamagictemple@gmail.com
I have decided to try this dating online thing. Me and this guy NEVER met before!! Wet off of this dating site, spoke maybe twice. Well, a couple of days had passed and then all of a sudden he responds to my last message on the site!.. He had informed me that he was shipped to Iraq for an assignment, and that the reason he couldnt respond sooner was because he couldnt get signal to get to the site and end up having to pay for it, but the point is he made effort to get back in touch. Afterwards, he made it clear that he wanted to talk more so we began to kik. After the 3rd day of texting he advised that we began a relationship ( no lies, no secrets, be all in and give our all) and this was right after i told him that was done rushing into anything as far as a relationship goes. However because he boldly put it out there, and he stated that he was tired of looking and he think he found exactly what he was looking and this was his last year in the reserves that he was ready to come home get married and start a family.. of course that excited me so i figured one more try I guess wouldnt hurt. Well, here we are 3 weeks in and we’ve gotten pass our first argument… Im so into him but my only concerns is and are: 1. Although he reassures me from time to time that this is what he wants Im just scared that when he gets home that it could be a different story.. and 2. Although his finances are together and he is pretty much settlede he dont really ask me about my life or life style and that leaves me to believe that he may not be that interested in me. Last night I brung up plans and goals of his and found that we have some things in common but he never asked me what were my goals and or plans. Its hard enough for me to belive that this will have a happy ending but am I really getting ahead of myself with these instants doubts??? I am very inspired by your story and feel you might can help!! I dont want to start building resentment because he is not asking all of the right questions or saying the right things but i want clairty! Thanks for reading and really apologize for being long winded.
Most men are like this, Its not that they don’t want to know, its just they do not think to ask, don’t take it personal as of course he interested if he was not he would of used the word Marriage and found what he looking for. I find with my own sometimes he will ask or I will tell him and he will say I was going to ask about that, its not that he not interested its just the way some men communicate, as I read earlier men are more hands on and do not communicate as well as women do. Its nothing personal as long as he talks of the future and you in it then know you are the one he wants. Men do not say they want to marry someone unless they do. DO not let fear ruin it. I bet if you asked he the question he would say how silly you are for thinking that. You must also accept him how he is but if its a big problem for you then tell him.
I love it, and thank u for responding. After I post this the next day I implied to him, that if he was into astrology and zodiac that he should read up on my sign.. he said he wasn’t into that type of stuff, I replied ok.. I just thought since u don’t ask that u should read a little about me lol. He then said because he didn’t ask doesn’t mean he’s not interested. All I could do is smile. Im actually over coming my fears day by day and its only because he makes me comfortable to do so!! I appreciate ur feedback and thank u for reading my post, it meant alot and as I said before I really admire ur story and I pray that mine last a long time. He will be coming home soon so I’m definitely looking for new beginnings!!! THANK U!!!
Hi Rhonda,
I’m glad you’re all excited about him coming back soon 🙂 Sorry for not responding earlier, my man was just here at my side of the world and I always disappear from the radar during these weeks 😉 Another TB reader already gave some advise *many thanks* and I can’t add much more to it.. All the best to you two!
It’s nice to know that there are still
people who believe in long distance relationships. I am in one and it sure is not a piece of
cake. It entails a lot of hard
work. But come to think of it, all kinds
of relationship have its own challenges that couples need to overcome. Anyway, true love will always find its way
for you two to get through any obstacle that may come your way, even long distance issues. So, like you said, have faith in each other. This way, things will be easier for you
both. I find your advice of having
dinner together via Skype cute and sweet… I will definitely try that one! =)
Hehe, nice! 🙂
Hey and a big thank you for you post. It is especially the communication part about not having to talk everyday that hits me. It isn’t news to me, and in our relationship, we always say “real life” before internet conversations, but still, if we have to do close to a week without actually talking, it’s not that easy, I’m easily frustrated.
Basically I met the love of my life during my exchange year in Belgium in 2011 (I’m from Finland myself). We very very quickly fell in love and have been happily together ever since. Yes, one year physically together followed by a time x spent apart, it’s tough, but it’s also very much worth it. We talk about everything, pretty much literally everything. And even though we can be very busy, we try to find the time to exchange thoughts through Facebook at least. Communication is fairly easy, I learnt fluent french when in Belgium and she speaks great English aswell. Our families support us and I’ll be starting my studies in Belgium next year. She’ll then spend a year in Costa Rica, which will be our biggest challenge. But I stay confident! We work so well together… =)
Very globetrotter-style you two =) Have a wonderful 2014 and stay as positive as you are! I’m sure you keep growing together and stay happy and healthy!
Really feeling good after reading the article .Thanks Criola sharing such refreshing thought.I am going through such a situation that my relationship is going to stop,Its right that everyone are human and has flaws .My girlfriend is not sure about the feeling towards me she was lovable and careing at the beginning of our relationship but things are changed now and more over my doubts are pushing me from her i dont want to loose her .i am trying my best to keep her .Thank you once again criola
You’re very welcome Arunraj! I hope you found some answers and are doing well!
This is a very nice read, but I just found out yesterday that my online boyfriend left me for someone far as well (he lives in Germany, I live in the Philippines, the new girl lives in Texas)… now I don’t understand his logic about that but I’m taking the courage to move on…
Kudos to you, Gabriella!
This article was bitter sweet for me. I was just in a long distance relationship that lasted 4 months. Sadly, he let the doubt get to him and closed his heart to me. He decided he did not know me, and could not get to know me without proximity and access. My heart is broken because I was willing to try, to see the positive and he gave up. The rational part of my brain understands how he let that happen. The hurt part does not understand how he is letting me go after telling me that I was so peaceful and supportive and that we have such a balanced chemistry. We will most likely never speak again… I wish he would have seen it like you do.
I feel you. Same thing happened to me. Except, she left for a Frenchman.
Thank you so much for posting this. I’ve found it really hard to find people who are in a similar position as myself and I found this really helpful. I’ve been feeling very down the past few days as it’s so close to Christmas and my partner, who lives in Asia and is from Indonesia is spending it away from me for the second year. The biggest challenge for us is trust – how do you really know everything is true? I want to believe all we say to each other is true but that doubt thing you talk about above keeps on trickling in. Why is that? Is it normal do you think? I also seem to be doing too much questioning as I feel insecure which drives the poor guy mad! We have a wonderful spark and energy between us and I love him to pieces. I just hope we can find a way forward. Thanks so much for sharing.
Greetings to Asia – and you will go through it! I know what you mean, I also had trust issues, and we fought a few good fights about them 😉 The thing is.. this is also part of the relationship and you will figure it out together. You say you have a great spark and you love each other dearly – that is wonderful and half way.
My honey is very good in listening and staying calm when I have my moments, and he doesn’t get tired of showing me his sincerity. I now trust him fully but we grew with each other. I’m sure your bf is a similar wonderful kind, and if you share your struggles with him, he will help you to making things easier. Best of luck and I hope we both can celebrate Christmas this year WITH our loves! xo
I’m feeling so depressed and i feel this distance will kill me coz he is stronger and trying so hard to end this distance 🙁 but I’m missing him every single moments … 🙁 what should i do ? any suggestions ? coz I’ve tried most of the above 🙁
thanks alot in advance for helps
Have the same goal as he does. The stress of not knowing or having a plan is harder when you don’t have an idea of the end goal. One day gone is another day closer to the plan. Keep faith and try to keep positive that he misses you just as much.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your article, Criola!! I also am deeply in love with my sweetie, who’s a bit older and who moved out of the country quite some years ago. We’ve been together for 3yrs now while each other living in different countries, and now as I’ve finished my university and him deciding to re-orient himself professionally we want more than anything to move in together. The thing is it’s proving to be quite challenging, because we came to realize we have different ways of perceiving this step. I’ve accumulated (or it stirred up) such a huge fear and anxiety after this long distance period that I just got to say I have to do whatever to be with him, and by knowing he does not want to come back to love in our country, I have actually taken the difficult part upon me by saying ok, I’ll move. But the thing is I now see that that’s a very difficult thing for me to do, so I am just extremely anxious right now because I simply don’t know what to do, I love him very much and I truly feel we need to move in and be together. But we have to do it in a very harmonious way, it’s so important to truly understand each other and support each other cause otherwise the relationship once having moved together wouldn’t function properly.
So great to talk about this, would love to contact you personally and share more insights, it truly helps to connect with people on the same page :)!!
Hey Ella, I’m glad you liked the post 🙂 If you feel like, please leave your email address and I’ll try and get in touch xo
So very sweet of you, it’s wizella@yahoo.com!! Lots of love to you, will be waiting for your precious insights!!
Thanks Ella, I’ll write you soon. But I’m not an expert at all, just trying to figuring it out myself the best I can 😉 Good night xo
Same here, but maybe two great insights will equal a really wicked one!! It’s always so lovely to have people sharing and learning from each other <3 <3 Good night to you too!!
Haha, agreed 🙂 Talk soon!
Hi Ella, sorry it has been very hectic at my end and I didn’t manage to write you so far. My email is criioolaa@gmail.com in case you want to get in touch 😉
Your words really helped me. I just got back from visiting my bf this afternoon and I held my tears the whole day but after that in the shower I just burst into tears and basically cried my eyes out. I miss him so much. A week before the last day I would be spending time with him until the next holiday I mentally prepared myself for it, and I was so sure I got it, that I was going to be ok and happy. Then the plane landed, and I realised I’m no longer in the same country as he is, and fear crept in, sadness was too overwhelming, I just missed him so much my heart literally hurts. I can’t focus on anything else. This is really unhealthy and I try so hard to be strong. I get strengthen for 5 mins, and then I feel sad for an hour. It’s so hard not having him here. He’s my everything. I wish I had someone I could talk to who understands it, and lets me cry when i need to. He;s my best friend and usually its him I run to when I feel bad or sad, but for this, I really don’t want to start being the crazy gf who calls him every 5 mins crying. Usually, I just pray. But I’m gonna print this article out because your words really helped. thank you.
I’m with you Charis and understand you too well. It IS hard and it so often sucks! All we can do is making the relationship beautiful despite the odds, enjoying and appreciating the other one in our life and work towards a future together. I hope you know you’re not alone.
I am in the same situation. We both live in Canada, but 19 hours from each other. Sometimes I have doubts and fears because we don’t speak as often as I would like us too, also I don’t get to see her on webcam as often. I am 100% in love and dedicated to her, but the uncertainty of when we can end the distance is hurtful. It seems at time I want this more than she does and she can’t give me a clear answer on anything really, just that she can’t make it all happen now… she doesn’t plan, but lets time run its natural course… but I am a realist and know that time is short for anyone and don’t wish to be away from her, to live a happy life with her… but not knowing anything is hard for me to keep positive.
I know what you mean Nathanial, and I share your frustration and fear. Not knowing when the distance is over, can be hard to deal with. I hope life helps us a bit and together with our commitment we will get there sooner than later. Greetings to Canada!