“Distance means so little when someone means so much.” ~Unknown
People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible ways of loving someone. I live in one: As a young European, I am deeply in love with my African boyfriend who pursues his career in Asia.
I met my love about two years ago. After dating for a few months and sharing a wonderful time in an Asian country, we split up, as he had many doubts about things that seemed to separate us. At this point in time, our differences seemed to be too wide to merge them into a happy, long-lasting life together.
This period was very painful for both of us. After one year—when I had already returned to my home country—he approached me again, explaining how wrong he was, and asking for a second chance.
I didn’t know what this implied, but my heart was saying wholeheartedly yes as I was confident the differences weren’t stronger than our love. My heart felt embedded in his, and I still loved him deeply.
So we started fresh again—this time with an extreme distance between us.
The first months felt easy, as the bliss of being back together melted the distance away. Even though different time zones and tight budgets influenced our ways of communication, it only mattered that we had found our way back to each other.
We missed each other dearly; but there was a certain peace with the reality. I could feel him being on the other side, thinking of me and being in love with me. This was all I could ask for.
However, I knew this serenity would come and go; frustration could kick in eventually and challenge us. Around one year and two visits later, the downsides of the distance did indeed knock me off. I missed my boyfriend during days and nights, and fear crept in.
What if this would lead us only to a big disappointment?
My mind dug through tons of questions and my world felt not as open and wide anymore. We knew we would need to deal with lots of issues if we wanted to be together—ambitious career paths and different work/life-balances, immigration papers, money, languages, intercultural differences, a worried family on my side.
It‘s not easy to keep up with the constant uncertainty of the future, and I often feel tired of external factors that hinder us.
But it has also dawned on me that I can’t make myself the victim of circumstances. We need to keep putting our heads up high and take the distance as our current external state that shapes us but will change eventually.
I don’t deny we live on two different continents, and can‘t have breakfasts in bed or spontaneous weekend trips to the sea. But I always wished for a wonderful man with a beautiful character who loves me for who I am. Now I got my wish—just totally out of my comfort zone.
I’ve learned some lessons along the way—and they may help even if you’re not in a long-distance relationship:
1. Communicate.
It‘s important that you speak, listen, write, fight, and laugh with your partner about everything that’s meaningful to you. I use different channels for communication, and surprise my honey from time to time with a postcard, a colorful photo, or an unexpected call.
We don‘t hear from each other every day; sometimes we can‘t Skype for days due to clashing schedules or bad Internet connections. This is annoying but okay.
We remember to respect the other person‘s schedule and space; we don‘t expect the other one to be available all the time. I think it’s important to keep it light to a certain degree so that there’s no need of constant (virtual) presence that would be draining at some point.
Also, I feel much better after sharing my struggles with my boyfriend; it’s a way of being honest and authentic. Make yourself a team in this. If you take on challenges together, it’s easier to handle the physical distance, and you get closer and surely learn a lot about each other.
Even if you aren’t miles apart, you want to find the right balance of interaction, and spice up communication with surprises here and there. You want to handle challenges as a team and become closer through them.
2. Challenge your doubts.
I can‘t make the distance define my feelings for him. It is what it is, and we can only do our best today in loving each other, and work toward a life together with patience and faith.
Distance doesn‘t kill love; doubts do. Therefore I give my best in choosing love over doubt.
Sometimes I’m not strong enough and let fear creep in. Then I share my frustration with him, talk to a close friend, or do something uplifting just for myself.
Then the feeling of love comes back on its own and laughs gently on my worried mind.
Every relationship faces challenges, and doubts may plague us sometimes. It’s our mind that causes doubts, so we’re the ones who can choose to take on a different perspective.
I’m not suggesting oppressing worries (that may be reasonable in unhealthy relationships), but I’d like to encourage you to choose a positive outlook when it’s healthy, instead of blocking yourself with limiting thoughts or labels.
3. Become clear about who you are and what you want.
If you love whole-heartedly it’s easy to put the other one on a pedestal and treat him/her like a superhero.
In a long-distance relationship it may even take more time to realize the other one is just as human as you.
Keep learning from each other, and don’t be afraid of discovering the flaws or challenges the other one may have. Try to first see what it is in you that makes you irritated, and exchange thoughts about it calmly and respectfully.
Always keep curious and ask lots of questions. Be willing to open up just as much.
Also, talk about where you want to head together and how you want to live. It’s important to create a vision together to know you’re on the same page.
As long as you respect and love your partner, you will always find a way to deal mindfully with conflict and disagreement.
4. Spend quality time together.
You don‘t need to talk every day. Just make sure the time with each other is well spent. Laugh a lot.
Try to treat the distance as a friend, not an enemy. Be creative, play with the technical possibilities—celebrate occasionally with a dinner on Skype, watch a movie via shared screen, or dance to some good music. Your joy about sharing those day-to-day things may be very high, as you do not take them for granted.
Visit each other as often as you can, and spend time just the way you want. Save up money for visits, split costs, and plan activities you want to do together. This is crucial for you as a couple, and it refuels the batteries.
Even if you see your loved one often, you still need to consciously choose to spend quality time together.
I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make out of it.
The point is to not deny the hard parts, but also to not feel paralyzed by them.
These are just a few ways to find strength and happiness in a committed long-distance relationship. What’s your biggest love challenge, and how do you overcome it?
Photo by garryknight
About Criola
Criola loves her friends, inspirational blogs, novels and fashion, dance, coffee and croissants—and she’s deeply in love with her boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world. Criola often finds herself at crossroads in life, ready to pursue her passion and all-day happiness.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
As an American girl dating a French guy living in London I really appreciated your story. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone! Best of luck to you both!
I know how you feel.
While teaching English in Brazil, I spent an incredible 6 months with the best man there. I returned to New York City and we are still together, even having been apart for a year. Our biggest challenge is trying to find a job for him here in NYC. It’s difficult to rely on others for sponsorship when our economy isnt doing well. We keep trying and hoping. Patience and persistence is key. We love and adore each other and believe the challenge is worth it.
Your article couldn’t have come in a better time. I live in California and dating a man in Canada. It’s not easy, quite frustrating and the doubts are killing me! Trust is big, and I lack that….I’ve walked away from it, but he came looking for me, but I can’t shake of the doubts. Fear definitely consumes you! Gives me hope and to know Im not alone.
2 yrs ago i re fell in love with my childhood love. she lives on the other side of the country.The love is there but the timing is bad. after reading this it definatly changes perspective on how to deal with the distance. Im glad I came upon this post. great advice
Dear Mike, JJ, Camille and Samantha
Thank you very much for reading and commenting; I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and even found some comfort in it. It feels good to know we’re not alone in this – I especially feel this when reading blogs or books on the topic. I wish you all the best and also pray that the universe has got our backs.
Much love and light to you all 🙂
Best wishes to you both from someone who has walked a similar path. My husband and I spent the first three years of our relationship across the Atlantic from one another. Dating takes on a whole new meaning when it requires a plane ticket just to share space. You speak of the many lessons we learned as well in communicating, setting realistic expectations, and understanding doubt. We now have over a decade together, the last eight years of which have been spent physically in the same space. We’ve made a home here, on my side of the ocean. We love, we work, we play, and we face challenges head-on as that is how we learned that they are best overcome.
I love that Naea 🙂 I’m so happy for you guys and I do wish the same ending for me and my boy. I can feel the strength and commitment with which you showed up in order to being finally together ~ what a wonderful reward. Your story gives me so much hope; thanks! I also like you point out that challenges don’t magically stop when you finally spend a daily life together ~ it’s a new chapter to begin. Much love to your side of the ocean xx
What happens if the other person keeps doubting though? How do you make them see that your love is something that should be cherished?
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He is in the Marines and I live in the US. His first two years were spent stationed in Japan. During those two years, he went through hardships (I know) that I will never be able to relate to, but so did I. However, I stayed strong and believed that we would end up working while he, although strong most of the time, would slip into what we called “a funk” where he would doubt the power of our relationship/love. This third year he is in Europe (I can’t say where because that would really narrow it down) and although miles-wise we are closer (6000 instead of 8000), relationship-wise he is farther away than ever. He’s broken up with me three times, all doubting his ability to be a man and (more so) be my man. He has an issue with not being able to “protect” and “provide” for me and worries that if he’s not preforming at top notch, someone else will.
In reality, my heart belongs to him. I’ve always known that, and I still feel it. However, I’m getting exhausted from always having to be the one who is strong or the one who believes in us. How do I fix things before they completely tear my heart up to shreds? Today he went from (10am) “we’re going to get through this amount of distance because I need you in my arms” to (9pm) “I don’t know how I feel right now”… and it’s horrible. He’s always scared of hurting me (see the “Toxic relationship” post for those details) but I’d rather be strong through those pains than him questioning our love’s strength and value.
I’m so lost and tired. I love him, with all my heart, but don’t I deserve some effort and faith from his side too?
P.S. I am very happy for you and your love, you (as well as the other success stories commented below) give me hope.
While I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship, I can still relate these lessons to my own cohabitation situation.. Something you said at the end really struck me: “I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make out of it.”
Equally, I think that physical closeness does not equal emotional closeness. It’s so easy, getting to see my love every day, to take that for granted and neglect the emotional side… Thank you for the reminder to pay closer attention. Best wishes to you and your love!! =)
I found this article just on a day that I needed to. It’s bad enough to deal with normal insecurities like one’s self image but factoring in someone you’re interested in who is 2100 miles away sometimes drives me nuts.
We actually met via FB through a mutual friend so we have in fact NEVER met in person. That he is “interested” I believe there is no doubt since we have been texting and or emailing everyday–it will be two months 1/6/13. With the time difference, his job with a huge telecom company that has him on call frequently and him being a part-time dad with a full-time attitude to his 7-year old daughter, talking on the phone has been a challenge. Sometimes I’m afraid he will get bored but so far that hasn’t happened. We check in with each other as if we are “dating” and it’s actually really nice. Righ now I am merely enjoying the exchange but I would be dishonest if I said it was enough but I tend to be a hopeful person by nature. I found the timing of coming across this article quite serendipitous and am so happy that I did.
Thank you for the wise words and for sharing your insight.
I needed this. I’m struggling right now but there is a voice inside me that tells me to take it day by day. The doubts just drag me down. Thanks for the positivity.
Hello, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend from Tennessee and we have never met/hold each others hand yet but I do know that I love him and I know that he loves me too we’ve been together for 3 years now and we are still going stronger but we really cannot deny that all relationship goes through hardships like arguments and misunderstandings sometimes he refuses to listen and when i ask him why i annoy him he refuses to answer.
sometimes when he is mad I give him time but I also loos the guts to talk when the time comes that he is willing to talk. I always keep on having doubts about our relationship especially when I feel that he is cold.
But I really love him and I always tell him how much I love him!
I will do my best to keep him happy and in love with me until the very end.
We are in a gay relationship by the way.
I just felt so sad when he said to me once that there is no way for us to meet in person. I felt like I lost hope and cried the whole week since we both know he is the only one who is capable of traveling here to my country and if he thinks like that then it means he is not willing to come here and there really is no way for us to meet in real life .
He is the only one who made me feel loved and I now he will always do but I am so scared and getting impatient of when is the right time that we meet.
:'(
Dear Christian,
thanks a lot for your comment! i can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to being in a relationship of three years with the man you love and haven’t even met him yet. Is it visa issues that make it so difficult to see him?
I don’t know your relationship and I can’t really say anything about it.. but I feel a bit as if you were hiding behind this relationship and don’t think you’re worth more than that. You are! And your boyfriend should see you, meet your friends, family, places that are important to you, your culture. It’s so important to experience the other one in real life situations right next to you as this makes you see who he really is – with his good just as his less perfect sides 😉
Long distance relationships take a lot of energy and they can fuel you with just as much love. But the positive energy only comes through joint memories and the prospect of creating new memories together. So go, and fight for him and your love. But don’t don’t settle for a situation that doesn’t mirror your worth.
Sending much hope and light xx
Dear Shauntay,
thanks a lot to stopping by! I hope things fell into place for you and your man and you’re happy! Much love
Hey Little Fighter,
I trust things calmed a little down and you found back on your path! I know how much sorrow can come from this uncertainty.
Sending you much hope and strength
Thanks Kaylee for your sweet words! I should answer you in a personal message soon 😉 Wishing you and your love much happiness
You’re more than welcome Marie! I hope you will be ok! Taking it day by day is a wonderful way of seeing it! Let me try this too 😉
I loved this! My beloved is in West Africa, me on the east coast mid-atlantic of the U.S. We are not rich and communication costs add up. Internet and phone connects are unpredictable at best BUT it is all worth it. He is my dream come true and is the best man I can ask for. We communicate as much as possible and are always together in our minds and hearts. He surprises me with calls, emails, texts, and planned as well as unexpected gifts…as I do him. We are a team, he is my rock and I’m his cheerleader and we face everything together. LDRs are hard and not meant for all but when it works it works. Not everyone understands it, they doubt us but we don’t let that stop us because we know how what we share is as real as it gets. Don’t let the distance define your relationship if your hearts are pure the love needs no help in defining what you have. TRUST-PATIENCE-UNDERSTANDING-COMMUNICATION are essential and can’t be overlooked. Don’t take eachother or limited communication time for granted. Laugh and cry together, say ‘I love you’, be careful of those who may try to sabotage you because they don’t understand or are envious. ALSO, realize that LDRs can move faster/slower than a local relationship due to the types of conversations we share (we can tend to talk more, learn more, bond more quickly because we aren’t going through ‘silent moments’ like if your went on a movie date), cultural influences can also affect the pace of the relationship….MAKE YOUR OWN RULES.
Hi Titi
Thanks a lot for your thoughts and story! I’m sure it helps many who are in a similiar situation. Maybe you wanna leave ur Email address so we can connect over a personal message? Hugs, Criola
Hello Criola,
I hope this response finds your well. Here’s my addy: hunnydropps73@gmail.com plz feel free to mail me 🙂
Hugs Back at You, Titi.
I can honestly say that I am 100% in love with my long distance girlfriend. This is the first time I’ve ever had feelings this deep for someone. I recently was able to visit her in her hometown of new York and have plans to go back in a few weeks to visit. My only fear is that maybe she is unsure of her feelings towards me. She warned me at the beginning of our relationship that she want one to express feelings and say or do lovey dovey types of things so I knew what I was getting into ahead of time. So how do I know if she’s really in love with me or if its.more of a wait and see thing. I really want a future with this woman because she is the most amazing person I have ever.met and I fall in love with her more everyday.
I think its hard to trust but everytime I have ever had even the slightest doubt about her I push it away. I just think about something amazing she did or said that made me smile or happy and those doubts disappear
loved this article. My boyfriend and I just went recently went LDR two months ago; he has a busy work schedule and i’m afraid that not being able to talk as much will tear our relationship apart. I feel like the next time I see him i wont feel the same because of our speration. he is the only one I want and i dont want this to happen, how can i prevent this?
Hi criola,
I’ve been in a Long distance relationship now for almost 4 years. We actually met online and have been dating ever since. He lives in Massachusetts and I live in California. I’ve visited him many times and I love his parents and his parents love me. His mom and I are very close. However, he’s only been to California a couple times and sometimes I feel like its better to visit him because he has more privacy at his 3 story house than my 1 story house. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but he’s my first serious bf. he’s 23 And I’m 21 but we’ve been dating since I was 17. I sometimes feel like I want to date other guys to get more experience with dating but I’ve found someone who loves me for me and idk I guess I’m confused. Any advice?
Hi Criola,
I need help!
I’m currently on foreign exchange in Spain (I’m 16) and I’m dating a Spanish guy (17). It might sound kind of silly for my age but honestly I feel so in love with him. We’re constantly together and we can talk about anything and we have the most open relationship in the world (as in we’re open with each other… not an actual “open relationship” ^^). But in a month and a half I have to go back to Washington and finish my junior and senior year of highschool.
We’ve only been dating for 7 months but we love planning out our future and all that and we talk about it all the time. We graduate college at the same time (in six years!!) and we plan on moving in together and tackling the world together after 🙂
Obviously I know six years is a long time and it seems stupid to even hope. I mean, Spain – West Coast is a really really long way. If we both work for it we feel like we can see each other three times a year. We can spend the entire summer together and then during the year 2 other 2-3 week periods.
Could you give me any advice? Is it even possible to hope? I love him so much I cannot describe. Maybe it’s stupid to people who are more mature in the dating world but for us it’s so, so real and it breaks my heart to think that this could possibly end. Because right now is bliss, but I feel as if in one and a half months everything will come crashing down.
Thanks a million,
Amy
Hey Amy
Thanks for taking the time for reading and commenting as well as for sharing your story. My answer is very simple and straightforward 😉 You’ll give it a try and stand up for your love with your boyfriend!
I know, it will be challenging but you better keep walking and building a path rather than thinking and worrying and not doing anything about the situation.
Have you thought of building up a professional life in Spain? You could spend the summers working there, or you could take up internships, volunteer work etc. to earn some money while being with each other and gain work experience. You could also think of doing an exchange – or even study in Spain. Of course, the same goes for your boyfriend; he could try and come to the US as a student.
I’m confident you both will find a way. And as you say, you’re still very young, and you can always reconsider your path when you feel it is not what you truly want.
Wishing you much happiness and strength! xx
how can I make a girl from outside of my country to love me in a long distance relationship ?
please someone help me …:$
thanks mike
But I think she will lose attraction as you are far from her …that what happened with me ..
I just entered into a relationship (2 weeks ago) with a guy that I haven’t met yet in person. We’re friends in Facebook and I met him a year ago since he’s my brother in law’s best friend. Just this April we communicated again, after losing contact for almost a year. I fell in love with him and same goes with him. Now, we always talked over the phone for hours every single day and night, every time we get a chance to. We laugh a lot and shared secrets too. I think it also helps that my guy is sweet like he used to sing me a song everyday, do whatever request i asked from him and he even make a song just for me. I know it’s too early but we are talking about our future together like marriage or having kids. This makes me hold on to him till the time that we meet (he promised that we will see each other personally within this year but no exact date yet). I believe in him and we trust each others too. I can feel it and I know that he loves me too every time we talk. I don’t let anyone discourage me about our relationship though I know they have a point. As what he always told me, our fate lies in our hands and no one else.
Hi Irene
Thanks for your lovely comment! Your mindset is wonderful, and I’m wishing you lots of love and magic with him. Take care xx
I been in a LDR for 1 year and 9 months, I met him on facebook….I’m here in florida and he is in nicaragua, am from there also, and what surprised me was that we’re from the same neighborhood, but we never seen each other, his grandmother has this store that I use to go shopping too, he said he was always over there helpung his grandmother out, but the thing is I’ve been over there and never once I saw him…Anyways our relationship right now is real healthy, we laugh, argue, we say we love each other all the time, we have doubts…
I think am going back to visit my family over there, I told my boyfriend and he got all happy, he wanted to tell everyone but I told him not too, because well one detail I missed out of all this, is that my family and his have bad history in the passed…they don’t want us together 🙁 well his family don’t have a problem with it, but mine does and it hurts me that they don’t want me with him, he said he won’t give up on me, that he will fight for me, because I came in his life when he really needed me….
What do you guys think I should do about that problem with my family not wanting us together? Pleasee help me, I love him and I don’t want to lose him
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My boyfriend will be leaving the country in 2 months and his career plans don’t see him returning. I obviously want him to be happy and I want both of us to pursue our goals. But, I am so conflicted right now that I can’t make any decisions with respect to my own life and career choices. I torture myself constantly with thoughts of whether I should align my career to the relationship so that we can be together or go ahead with my dreams, which are completely opposed to his. It is difficult for me because our relationship is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced but now I don’t know how to reconcile my relationship and the plans I always had for myself.
I know the sensible thing to do is to take care of myself first (” you’ll never wake up one morning and have your career say he doesn’t love you anymore) but I’m so scared of making a mistake and losing something that gives me so much joy.
Hello Criola, How are you doing today? can you please hook me up with someone … I’m presently working in Dubai. I want to love and be loved.
Hola Catalia
Gracias for your comment. How wonderful you’re in such a sweet and healthy relationship (although it must feel a bit like Romeo & Juliet lately). I know your problems, I also face them. It’s very painful (and shameful too) if those who are supposed to love and support you turn into “Nay-sayers” and make it even harder for you – particularly, if you already deal with a tough situation as the distance and all that comes with it.
I’m sure it’s very tough on you, and your strategies probably depend a good deal on the importance of tradition and loyalty in your family. In my part of the world the traditions are not as strict as in other cultures but I’m still in your shoes. My parents are/were very opposed to my relationship due to prejudices and sorrows on my (long term) happiness. I told them about my relationship straight-head onwards, talked to them, explained them many times how happy I am with my sweetheart, and that I won’t give up on us just because our bond throws them out of their comfort zone.
After one long heated discussion I got to the (exhausting) point, where I realized the talking won’t change their judgement, and I told them “Ok, I realize, you have your thoughts, and I can’t change them. Let me walk my path then, I know it’ll make me happy”. Lots of uncomfortable silent moments followed, and I just hated the awkward silence between us. By now, my parents have met him during his first visit in my country, and it helped tremendously. There are still prejudices and doubts, but we jumped a big step ahead.
So, from my experience I know how challenging and uncomfortable it can be, and you may loose a great deal of the relationship you used to had with your family – doubts in your decision can be so hurtful. But, on the other hand, I feel it’s so important to stand up for yourself, for him and your joint feelings.
You may start talking to your mum or dad (the one you have a closer bound to or who shapes the decisions in your family), and explain them your situation. Then work from there. It’s also helpful to find some “allies”, such as a sensitive auntie or a supporting sibling. They may have an influence on your parents, and can help a bit. I also always tried to show my parents that I wanted an open, and honest communication with them, and that this is why I made them know about my relationship. I always hoped that this shows them I mean it well, even though the decision itself is not their cup of tea.
I hope this helps a bit Catalia. All the best to you both!! Keep on being happy with each other and have a great summer xx
We’re grateful about other readers’ thoughts.
Hey Miss Lost
Thanks for posting! I’m sorry you’re facing such a challenging time these days! I understand your feelings, and I know how puzzling they can be.
What does your bf say about it, is he willing to find a compromise? Could you both try long-distance for a while and pursuing your career plans apart from each other for a certain time? In a long distance you could also “test” how much you want to be with the other one, or if your lives grow apart from each other. Finding this out can be very painful too, but at least you would have tried, and knew, it’s not meant to be for now.
On another note, are you sure you can’t follow a career in his country/region? It may give your education an interesting (and important) edge to learning about your field in a different environment?
These are just ideas that might be worth the effort. But just do it if he is willing to working on it together – you certainly can’t bear the burden on your shoulders alone. Sending you a big optimistic smile!
Thank you so much for this post. I am exactely in the same position. I am European, he is African. Due to papers our future is unknown. Well, part of our future. I know I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. We tried many different ways for him to be able to come to EU. Until now all failed. A lot of time and money have been spent. This is why I have doubts. I don’t doubt our love, I doubt our situation. I have been with him in the various offices and saw their “willigness” (irony..) to help.
The situation as it is right now drag me down. I can’t even skype with him, cause my family doesn’t know about us – and he can’t because of the bad connection.
Did you find a solution concerning the papers and/or your situation? Maybe I oversee what is so clearly in front of me. Or anyone else here knowing some opportunities for him to get out of Africa? thank you so much…
thank you for this too. I told my mum and my sister, but they are far away from supporting me. I am now back with my family, living in a very ignorant neighboorhood but will move away from here soon..
I know my dad would not speak to me for a while if I tell him.
How was your parents’ reaction first? How did you tell? I am now at the point where I think I never can tell… and it drives me crazy too (apart from not knowing if my bf will ever be able to come to EU).
This is so inspiring..but what if he does not share the same optimism as I do?Is it really woth the fight if it’s only one sided?
Hello Dodo!
Thanks for dropping by!
I guess in every love – if near or far – the key is both face the same direction and really want to be with each other. Sometimes, it surely takes a while of adjusting to a long-distance, and developing the energy needed for it. Being in a long-distance is a particular challenge, and couples can really grow with it. But, if you gave it some time, and your partner doesn’t commit to the same level you do, you probably set yourself up to much pain. Maybe it’s not the right constellation at this pint in time?
Take good care of yourself!
Hey Blanca
Thanks for your lines! My boyfriend and I face exactly the same challenges as you two do – immigration rules that seem super high to overstep, lots of closed doors (and faces) as well as financial burdens. We are constantly (re-)considering our options of different visa types, and go through every possible option we know of.
So far, I travelled his way (which is easier); a few weeks ago my boyfriend also came to my part of the world with a visit visa (after a first refusal by the embassy, our appeal, and an approval after only 24 hours).
It’s very sad, but international couples with visa challenges often get married much sooner than other couples – simply because they need to have the married status in order to be allowed to live together. I have refused this option so far as I want us to feel ready on our own timeline.. but it more and more seems like the only option – unless we win the lottery, or have an influential friend in some embassy 😉
I wish you both all the luck in the world! Keep us posted, will ya?
Loves and light
Criola
I know exactely what you mean by closed doors and closed faces. For now to get the visit visa, he has to work for more than 2 months to even have chances to get it. I am so nervous. I dont want a refusal again. So, now I have no idea how he is doing, cause he is on the sea for at least 45 days. I just know he is sad, and it makes me sad too. I can’t reach him via internet or phone.
Makes me crazy! I am not the kind of person sitting in front of the phone to get messages/calls. I have my own life, meet friends. But in this case, now I changed. – cause missing a call could mean it was the only chance to talk to him for another couple of weeks.
And yes, the marriage thing. We feel exactely the same.I dont want to marry because i HAVE to. I want to marry because I WANT to. and because I feel ready.
Where is your bf from? Where are you from?
Do you have other visa options in mind? The only option we have is the tourist/visitor visa. But that is not a solution forever. As first he worked and lived in EUrope (when we met), we didnt really think about the visa things. Well, we didnt want to. But now .. we have to..
Any news about your relationship? all the best!!!!!
Hey Blanca!
Have you considered a student visa which is also applicable for language courses?
can you give me more info about the language course opportunity? I already thought about it, asked several language institutes – but they didnt reply. Is it dependent on the language institutes or only on the embassy in Africa?
I met my boyfriend through a summer school in Canada. Unfortunately, he lives in Mexico and I live in Holland. We fell deeply in love and we try to communicate as much as possible, even though our timezones won’t really let us communicate that much (7 hours difference). I’m planning to go to Mexico next year, even though the flying ticket is kinda expensive. But I would do anything to see him again.. Even if I have to wait 11 months. I just really miss him but your article really made me feel better and I want to thank you for that. And to the other LDR people out there; have hope. It may seem all worthless at some points, but think about all the good things. When I skype with my boyfriend (we usually skype once a week on saturday night and whatsapp almost everyday) I always have loads and loads to tell him and so does he because we don’t ”see” eachother that often! It keeps our relationship interesting. And we always send random pictures of our nights out so we can both laugh about ugly party pictures. And even though we’re both very young, I’ll just wait and see where this relationship will take me. Deep in my heart I know I’ll always love him no matter what. And we have one thing in common; we don’t like the boys and girls in our own country : ) Thanks again for this amazing wonderfull article!
Thanks Ann, for your sweet comment! I’m wishing you many exciting trips to Mexico and beautiful things to come to you and your man!
Hi Blanca
Somehow our threat is not allowing more replies; let me write you in a new comment.
I suggest you consult the online services of the embassy of your boyfriend’s country (as well as your country’s foreign office or academic exchange service) and check how student visas may be granted and if language courses count as studies. If this option exists, there will be language institutes matching the formal requirements; try to call them up or check their websites on what they offer. You also may want to get in touch with the foreign student offices of the main universities in your country – they can help you in finding out how to apply for a student / language course place. Maybe you do fit the requirements and could try this!
Best of luck for you two! =)
Yes I did that in the meantime. Thanks. I didn’t get any reply until now .. But hey, yesterday my bf was able to call me after 9 days of not hearing anything from him. (he is on a ship). He also told me he decided to quit his job right after the ship comes back to land. He is in a high position on the ship so quitting the job is somehow a huge step for him. Because he will be unemployed – and trying to get a visa. He said he couldnt be like this without even hearing my voice. I feel so relieved, cause I wanted him to quit his job, but didnt want to let him know directly. Now when he told me he will quit, I felt so relieved 🙂 But now, the visa needs to work out!! 😉
😉
Thank you for writing this article. I will share some of these on my next blog. I hope you visit my blog too. Thank you Criola! This really helped. <3 (cforyourself.wordpress.com)