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  • February 14, 2017 at 6:25 pm #127645
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear idontknow:

    You “projects have only beginning and middle”- but no endings- could it be because if they had endings they will be judged negatively, getting a bad grade, a Fail, maybe? Could it be you avoiding being judged to be not-good-enough?

    Your values of life, beliefs, songs, hobbies, people, sexuality, thoughts, ideas” keep changing- could it be you running away from detection, as in: I like X, but before you tell me I am wrong for liking X, guess what? I don’t like X anymore. I like Y now. But.. before you pronounce me wrong for liking Y, I no longer do.

    Anything like that?

    anita

    February 15, 2017 at 4:50 am #127679
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi idontknow,

    This is very common. I read a book long ago and at 3/4 of the book (it was a self help book with exercises) there was a chapter that said “I know you want to stop now”. The author then explained that there is something about the 3/4 mark where most people, yes, MOST, either stop or proceed in a very wishy-washy way. I remember there was a school teacher that said, “The bloom is off the old school rose” in the winter and “Finish up strong, boys,” in the spring of the school year.

    Maybe pick simple, small things you like and FORCE yourself to Finish Up Strong. Once you’ve mastered finishing small things, you can go on to master big things. Soon it will be second nature to follow through on projects.

    Best,

    Inky

    February 15, 2017 at 6:58 am #127681
    eight
    Participant

    Hey that’s my life !

    February 15, 2017 at 12:16 pm #127759
    Ana
    Participant

    Thank you so much, Anita!

    What you said makes so much sense! I am perfectionist and super self-critical. It seems that I make my own decisions but also I don’t have enough confidence to play my own thoughts and- – decisions! As if any small internal or external imbalance make me seek a better way.

    I really don’t want to give so much importance to what others are thinking about me but I am so emotional! Even when others are wrong, it’s me who is sorry and feeling bad. Do you have any tips so I can get over it?

    —

    And thank you too, Inky!
    I will pratice finish small things and start to smell the flowers.
    After all, what is the name of the book?

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Ana.
    February 15, 2017 at 1:32 pm #127775
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear idontknow:

    You wrote: “Even when others are wrong, it’s me who is sorry and feeling bad”-

    This means any negative feedback on your work, even when you know the feedback is not correct, leads you to abandon/ give up on your project, preference, like, ,etc.

    You asked if I have any tips on how to get over caring so much about any negative input-

    No, I don’t have tips. I am recently healing myself from a super self critic. The way to do so is long, difficult, requires at least at the beginning, competent psychotherapy. The process of healing, which requires a whole lot of patience, is about gently (over time) confronting the fear you had as a child: that of your parent disapproving of you. For a child, there is nothing much that is more scary than a disapproving (and aggressively disapproving is worst) parent.

    anita

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