You say you love me, but want no relationship?

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Este.

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November 2, 2015 at 3:21 am #86558

Fern
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My past 3 “relationships” as it were, have all been with guys who always say they want nothing serious with me. But then it turns into them wanting to go on holiday together, we are saying we love each other and we plan our lives together. But at some point they always freak out, and say this is far too serious, and I can’t handle a relationship. (Note: All these relationships, have been more than 6 months). I don’t if its something I’m doing, if I’m choosing the wrong guys….but they always seem to fall for me…and we’re happy..but then they start acting off, I ask them what’s wrong, and all of a sudden its too serious. Somebody help, I’m feeling so confused and upset.

November 2, 2015 at 4:11 am #86559

Anonymous
Inactive

Mmmm. Do they have anything in common? Do you meet them under similar circumstances? Do you have a particular ‘type’ they fall under?

Is there a thought process you recognise with each norm them? What do you hope for when you first meet a guy? Do the relationships follow a similar pattern in every day ways?

Usually if the same things keep happening around us then yes it’s us since we’re the one constant in all of it. Not a blame thing but I mean once that pattern is spotted then it’s easier to break it tiny way by tiny way

November 2, 2015 at 5:56 am #86560

Fern
Participant

One of them ended up being my bf for 2 years, but he was still freaking out about the commitment.
The other two I didn’t meet them in the best of places, but I’m always fine with it being something fun, but they are always the ones saying the heavy stuff first, so i think that circumstances have changed….
No, they are definitely all different people…I suppose they are all still hung up on their ex when i met them.

And no, not really, I mean the only thing they all do is never take me out anywhere, we are always stuck in the house.

Yeah that sounds about right.

November 2, 2015 at 6:19 am #86561

jock
Participant

I mean the only thing they all do is never take me out anywhere, we are always stuck in the house

That sounds disrespectful to me and a real red flag. Perhaps you need to be more sensitive to early warning signs like this.
There are other factors like age. I imagine older guys would be ready for more serious commitment, which is what you are looking for.
Perhaps take a break form relationships for a while and just try to enjoy life on your own. Discover other passions in life.

November 2, 2015 at 6:35 am #86562

Inky
Participant

Hi Fern,

I’d like to second jack on giving older guys a chance. Guys in their twenties seem a little immature to me nowadays. Guys in their thirties can still get that commitment = jumping off a cliff feeling. Find someone pushing or at forty. If he is single, it usually means that he has had probably one or two long term relationships and knows how life and relationships “work” by now. i.e. Bring her flowers. Take her out once in a while. Be polite. Clean your house on a semi-regular basis. Have a steady source of income. Know how to take care of yourself.

Blessings,

Inky

November 2, 2015 at 6:50 am #86563

Fern
Participant

Thank y’all. You’ve been really helpful 🙂 I think taking a break might be helpful, and I have a thing for older guys anyway, so that’s fine 😛

But honestly, I really appreciate the help.

Fern x

November 10, 2015 at 11:25 pm #87202

Este
Participant

Hello Fern!

Haha. Ok, I can relate to what you have experienced. Well, just want you to know that, when we stop looking for a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife etc, the suitable person for you will come along. This is purely based on my own experience, after calling off my own wedding last year, I just stopped looking. I just focused on myself, improving, growing, loving and be kind to myself…and that’s when ‘My Man’ appeared. He’s so different from the guys I have picked and dated – in the sense that, just not my ‘type’ or so I believed. So, there you go. 🙂 Love yourself and be at peace with yourself. Om. 😀
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