Dear Kara:

It was a good initiative on your part to tell the friend not to tell you what he tells her. She has to respect your assertion, if she is indeed a friend.

Anyone can bad mouth anyone. If you choose to bad mouth any person in the world, it is as easy as pronouncing the words. So he is bad mouthing you. It is so very easy. Can you imagine if bad mouthing someone necessarily scared the person into submission?

I hope you are not scared to submission by his bad mouthing you.

I hope you persist in zero contact with him, be cautious and let his storm settle  down. Keep yourself and your children safe.

anita

Dear Kara:

I need to get away from the computer for about fifteen hours. Stay strong. Don’t be hard on yourself for having been with him, you met him at a vulnerable time and guilt tripping is an effective technique, works on a lot of people, you are not unique in this regard.

Post anytime, will read and reply when I am back.

* You wrote: “he is a nice person” in your very recent post. What do you mean by it, at this point?

anita

Dear Kara:

You are very welcome.

You wrote: “he is not acting this way to purposefully to hurt me, it is not malicious, I believe he is mentally not well”- I believe he is mentally not well as well, but I also believe he is acting this way to purposefully hurt you. Both are true, not one or the other.

The intent to hurt another person is not an exclusive motivation of the mentally healthy.

You wrote: “I understand why he acting the way… Which is dangerous“- I am glad you realize this and that you did come along way since the beginning of your thread. I am glad to be part of it, of your thread. Anytime you want to add to it (or start a new one), I will be glad to reply to you.

anita

Dear Kara:

You are welcome.

I will explain. You wrote in the post before last: “he is not acting this way to purposefully to hurt me, it is not malicious, I believe he is mentally not well”

By acting this way, you are referring in part to this: “apparently he is angry saying I used him for two years and I’m acting like a baby and how dare I do this to him again”-

He is angry at you. When a person is angry at another, naturally there is a wish or intent to hurt the person one is angry at. This is what anger is about, not only in humans but in other animals: anger motivates an animal to fight, which means to hurt another animal.

When your ex boyfriend is angry at you, naturally, he is motivated to hurt you, if not physically, than emotionally.

It doesn’t matter if he is mentally ill or mentally healthy, when one feels angry, one is motivated to hurt the object of their anger. This is what I mean by the sentence you quoted.

So he may be mentally ill, unwell, but he still wants to hurt, therefore he is capable of being malicious. The part that is good for you about his reputation of being a nice person, his reputation in his own mind, is that he is likely to not want to ruin it by going to far hurting you. Hopefully he will not go beyond what he said, that you used him for two years. Hopefully this is it.

I hope I explained the sentence well enough, did I?

anita

Dear Kara:

You are welcome. I hope you and your children enjoy your holiday.

anita