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words of advice? support??

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  • October 31, 2017 at 9:29 pm #175979
    cranberry
    Participant

    So two months have passed at this university. I feel very lost at the moment, like I do not have an identity and I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. As of now I am a psychology major but I don’t think that’s what I want to do :/ and I really don’t want to waste money or time. Life is moving so fast and its scary. I am so shy and anxiety ridden and making friends is hard for me but I do talk to more people than I did when I first started college and that’s very encouraging. I feel like I’m actually a very funny and fun person but since I’m so timid I walk around school very uptight and nervous all the time. Like I’m living a lie or behind a mask. I’ve started going to the gym and I think I want to start creating music for fun. I downloaded this software to start creating beats and stuff but I have no idea how to use it and I haven’t had the time to start messing around with it. I’m going to therapy as well which I think is a step in the right direction but I also have a hard time forgetting my ex. I miss him and love him so much. I did the pathetic thing of asking him if he ever believed we will get back together and he just said he did not know. I have to stop being to naive and hoping for something that doesn’t exist. He doesn’t  love me anymore and that’s it. In my mind getting my life together would be figuring myself out, having a set career path and having him back in my life. Even if we don’t ever get back together I would at least like some peace of mind. I’ve made so many mistakes and I was such a toxic and insecure gf and I feel like I’ve screwed up so much for myself. I try talking to other guys but I’m not interested, I was interested in this one guy but things didn’t go very far. I’m starting to think its not time for me to start dating, it has only been 4 months since we’ve broken up. I don’t talk or even look at his social media anymore and hes not the focus of my life but he’s still remains in the back of my mind and it sucks. I just feel like I suck as a person. I want to find myself and get my life together but I don’t know what to do.

    help?

    November 1, 2017 at 4:58 am #176003
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi cranberry,

    You’re a Freshman, correct? If so, now is the time to take as many courses as you can that you are INTERESTED in (forget what you can “do” with it as a career. It’s not about that now.) and that would go toward fulfilling your graduation requirements. You don’t have to think about actually declaring a major until next year. Very few eighteen year olds know what they’re doing for the rest of their life. I was an Art History major, and if I had to do it all over again would have gone into Religious Studies instead. It’s still unusual for your major to run parallel to what you actually do later in life.

    As for the guys, and a social life: Make friends with your RA (resident advisor), your roommate’s friends and people in your dorm. If you’re not in a dorm, make friends with the most likely people in your classes. What I did was orchestrate movie nights and invite other new/lonely/shy people as a group. You will be seen as a good person to know! And trust me, you will soon forget “the guy” as there will be droves of Sophomore boys/men wanting to meet you!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Inky.
    November 1, 2017 at 5:45 am #176015
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cranberry:

    You wrote: ” I walk around school very uptight and nervous all the time. Like I’m living a lie or behind a mask”- will you elaborate on that mask?

    Maybe living unmasked would be easier than living behind a mask.

    anita

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