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Will he ever be over his ex?

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  • August 31, 2015 at 4:40 am #82614
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi TheDayDreamer,

    Well first of all, have you met the ex? Sometimes old girlfriends are labeled as “Crazy” but they are actually normal. Now, yes, she’s had problems too deep for him to handle. But is she really manipulative?

    If you haven’t met her, it’s easy for the mind to Fill in the Blank.

    What I would do is say, “If you hang out with her, bring me along.” This way she won’t try anything and he won’t go back into their unhealthy dynamic.

    If she asks him for lunch, he should say, “Let me see if my GF can make it.” If she pressures him to meet up with her alone he should say, “I’m busy.”

    As far as texting/calling/Social Media: He should view her as “That Guy”. There is always “That Guy” in your group of friends. That you are friendly to but not actual friends with. A short, one line answer or one minute conversation at best.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    August 31, 2015 at 8:18 am #82621
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Helen:

    I like it that you told your bf that this is hard for you. You can tell him further (if you haven’t so far) what bothers you about it, or be willing to explore it further with him. I would ask him for information: the nature of his relationship with her (facebook only? Phone calls? Meetings???) I would ask him if and how he has changed since and if and when and how she has changed since? And what changed in their relationship? What is he getting, what is she getting… what didn’t work then and is working now?

    I would ask in a non threatening way- make sure he is not on the defensive so you can get honest information, the only information that can help you. Once he feels safe to be open you can get all the information you want, if you listen objectively enough, evaluate what he says calmly.

    I would be concerned in a similar circumstance. I would be worried about just what you termed “co-dependent” element in him.

    anita

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