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Why friends disappear?

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Viewing 13 posts - 46 through 58 (of 58 total)
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  • October 12, 2023 at 11:10 am #423015
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eva:

    Thank you, Eva, you have a beautiful heart!

    I get scared of people even when they are not scary simply because I see my mother in others and because there was no one to help me while I was growing up (growing in, really), no one to counter her effect. People in general were not a source of help or comfort for me as a child; often- a source of distress.

    “I only had to do with a narcistic person – whom I don’t love as deeply as you love/d your mother! – for a year. Even during this short period of time she managed to confuse me completely, make me feel stupid, question my own sanity and hurt me. So I can definitely feel how horrible it was for you to live with such a person for years. Especially with a person whom you deeply loved. I can feel the huge disappointment and I am not surprised at all that you cut her off…”- thank you for understanding so well.
    “I am happy that you have become who you are today. And I am certainly not the only one who thinks so on this forum”- this is the nicest thing I read/ heard all day.. I like you, Eva, thank you for being you, and for being here!
    anita
    October 14, 2023 at 3:40 am #423099
    EvFran
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

     

    Thanks so much for your kind words, they made me so happy.

    I think this space is here to help people, not to judge them. If one needs advice, we can give our opinion but it’s up to the person to make his/her own decision. We can agree or disagree with it, but we are not in the situation, so cannot judge adequately, in spite if the empathy we might feel. So if you decided to cut your mother off, it’s your decision and nobody has the right to criticize you for that.

    I hope that you are enjoying a nice weekend!

    Catch up soon, Eva

     

    October 14, 2023 at 4:21 am #423100
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eva:

    You are welcome and thank you for your words of wisdom: “This space is here to help people, not to judge them…“, perfectly said! Have a nice weekend yourself!

    anita

     

    October 16, 2023 at 4:20 am #423158
    LunaIsHere
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear EvFran</p>
    It has been a while,

    I’m really glad to hear that my peice of advice was helpful to you and I’m excited to hear about how you’ve been moving forwards!

    Among the points that you have raised in your reply I relate most to that on “”people I attract”. In fact, I’ve always reflected on this thought and I’m coming to realize that perhaps, people attract those that reflect their current energy the most right now. For instance, if much of your energy has been focused on your fitness, (and I mean “you/r” in impersonal “you/r”) the people you are most likely to attract ( as in to “notice” and who “notice” you back) are those who are at the moment concerned about their fitness in some way too.

    I don’t know to what extent this is accurate but so far I’ve noticed it in my own experience with people.

    Anyway, I look forward to hearing your updates soon.

    Best wishes,

    Luna

     

    October 16, 2023 at 8:42 am #423161
    EvFran
    Participant

    Dear Luna

    Thanks very much for coming back on this. Yes, we certainly attract people with our current vibes. I think I got attracted to these people because they showed a different face of theirs. A smoky, cool, fun, enthusiastic face. I didn’t know their other face – which is only shown at home or once they get kinda used to you. No clue. One thing is sure: they seem to have two faces. In both cases I have cut contact. As I explained it previously, unfortunately I don’t see any other option right now. I have tried many things during the last year but I only got ignored or hurt. As much as it hurts me, I have to understand that tjis is the only way to protect myself and not waste my time. Life can get quite surreal with a narcistic person, who contradict herself 3 times in  one sentence, who can explain everything, who is always right, who is always late, who has 0 empathy and always talks badly even about her best friend 🙂

    Wish you a lovely week and thanks again for your thoughts.

    October 16, 2023 at 1:22 pm #423434
    EvFran
    Participant

    I meant smily faces, not smoky…

    December 25, 2023 at 7:05 am #426357
    anita
    Participant

    Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays, EvFran !!!

    anita

    December 25, 2023 at 4:46 pm #426367
    EvFran
    Participant

    Dear Anita, thanks a lot for your Christmas wishes, it’s very kind of you. I wish you the same and a very happy 2024!

    December 25, 2023 at 5:13 pm #426368
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eva:

    You are welcome and thank you! I wish you a meaningful, interesting and pleasant 2024 !!!

    anita

    December 27, 2023 at 4:58 am #426395
    Riti
    Participant

    I can relate to this post very much! I haven’t lost anyone in my life but came close and betrayed by loved one. Or that’s how I feel. I’m estranged by my sibling who I considered to be my support, biggest source of strength and can never seem to get over that pain!

    Going through the grieving process, I’ve learnt so many lessons along the way . We are all selfish one way or the other, and with time our priorities and preferences change. So a person whom you consider to be your best buddy , may have been in state to look after you or care for your needs in the past and is now no longer able to provide same level of support or friendship because there are other important priorities taking up his or her time. Yes, it shouldn’t be that hard to carve out few minutes to check on others but having that expectation of they will or should can leave us disappointed and hurt feelings. What I realized is that if we can keep our expectations low, we can never get upset about anything . It might sound terrible , but that’s the sad reality of today’s world and culture.

    January 3, 2024 at 8:00 am #426613
    Scoob
    Participant

    I’ve often wondered this myself.

    I’ve had many people that I have considered a best friend or even like a brother over the years. As far as I know the feeling was mutual. Sure, life happens but I always thought friends were for life, especially as important as they were. So where have they gone and why haven’t they been in touch?

    Some of my absolute best friends have just completely vanished and have never tried to be in touch since. Some I have found through Facebook or the like and have said they weren’t interested in being in touch. Many know how to find me and contact me but they just don’t. The reasons are many but they just sound like excuses. I understand that life changes constantly over the years and sometimes not for the better but I have never understood how these people that I spent years with and truly cared for have just written me out completely. A phone call is so easy. It really doesn’t take much to keep in touch. Of all the many awesome friends I have made over the years since being in my teenage years and now in my early 50s, not one of the people that was so close and important in my life has kept in touch. My best friends and I spent time together gether pretty much daily for years and it’s like it was just a convenient way to kill time now. I think I was brain washed as a child watching Laverne and Shirley and thinking friends were for life and always in touch or in your life or something. I suppose it’s common place that people move on and don’t care to be a friend anymore. Wish I had known that when I was making friends.

    At times it has been tempting, for the reasons above, to not make any new friends at all anymore. Sometimes I didn’t but have come to the conclusion that just because 99 percent of people live like that and forget others or forget friends, it’s people like us that are in need to be the loving people we are and continue to be a friend and more importantly show others how to do it too. There’s not enough love in the world so keep on showing and spreading love as long as you can. Nothing is wrong with you

    I.

    January 4, 2024 at 5:58 pm #426756
    EvFran
    Participant

    Dear Scoob/I.

    Yes, I fully understand that life changes for all of us, we focus on different things at different times. What I don’t get is that these 2 friends were the ones who initiated contact, they insisted that I stay with them as long as I wanted to – I move a lot, so I’d never stay forever 🙂 They told me how much they loved me, that I was the only person they could trust, they wanted to work with me etc etc. Then one day, out of the blue, they just dropped me like a hot potato. Without any apparent reason or discussion before. I am already over it and carry on with life, meeting new people everywhere I go.  I was just wondering why these people told me those nice things. I trusted them because I had known them for years and friendship is very important to me. Now I realise that I didn’t know them. I am also more aware of how people with narcistic personality can act, even though it’s difficult to detect it in the beginning or until you lived with them together in the same house.

    Also, I can understand that things don’t always work out between friends but I think that we can talk about it and end it afterwards. Especially when you ‘trust and love’ someone so deeply.

    Well, hard learned lessons but life goes on.

    Thanks for sharing your experience and for your support.

    March 7, 2024 at 5:53 pm #428485
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eva: thinking about you, hoping you are well.

    anita

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