Dear Sophie:

Welcome back and congratulations for executing your plan to move to Canada.

Regarding your changing feelings to this new man in your life: I think it is understandable, that your feelings for him change.

When a man is not interested in you, or is interested in you in a very limited way, then you might feel the same craving for him, the same exhilaration when with him, the craving is in that exhilaration. People often feel the same craving a lifetime.

But when you are in a relationship with a man who is interested in you, then sometimes you feel that same craving and at other times you feel fear following doubt. It is not just the craving.

Does this make sense to you?

anita

Dear Sophie:

Let’s examine this: what are the faults you found in him? List them specifically, if you’d like.

anita

Could it be that you lost interest because he already confesses his love for you? He’s already conquered and the excitement is gone! Many of us are attracted to the thrill of the catch, wanting what we can’t have.  I’m one of these people, always attracting emotionally unavailable men, hence, still single. The guys that genuinely liked me and were nice to me I didn’t want because they didn’t make enough money or not handsome enough. I found shallow excuses not be with them. I was always chasing after the next best thing and wanted to win their love.  It was futile! It took me a while to figure this out and going forward, I’ll shift my expectations and see how it goes.  Could you be doing the same thing? Fear of commitment?

Dear Sophie:

You wrote that “He’s done  nothing wrong at all”- maybe  he  just didn’t ask you questions about you, about what you value, what motivates you, what you care about most in life, how you feel, what you think… maybe he is not curious to get to know you. And maybe you don’t ask him questions either and so, the two  of you are  not getting  to know each other more and more… and so, it is boring. If that is the case, then it is “nothing  wrong at all” – just boring, unchallenging, niceness without depth.

Could that be the case?

anita

Dear sophie:

You are welcome. When you wrote that maybe you are very  shallow, you are referring to the fact that you sometimes do not find him physically attractive, correct?

There is the physical attraction element. The previous guy you moved away from, you wrote that he was  extremely good looking. This guy is not as  good  looking, correct?

This guy is also “too nice”. I wonder what too nice means to you and if it  is connected to what you wrote June 29: “I love the feeling of a  man looking after me  and being in control so I guess that’s what I will miss”-  I wonder if  this man in your life right now, if he is not “being in control” and that  is what  you are  missing?

anita