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Why do the men that love me turn into hating me

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  • December 2, 2017 at 7:30 am #180319
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Nicole:

    You wrote: “the man I loved end up hating me for this  addiction”- you are referring to drug addiction, correct? The men in your life who “turn into hating (you)”- may be hating you because they are hateful. But decent  men will be frustrated with a woman addicted to drugs.  A person addicted to  drugs, be  it alcohol, illegal drugs or (abused) subscription drugs is not a good  candidate  for a healthy relationship.

    The addiction has too be managed, the underlying injuries should be  in the  process of  healing, before a  healthy, loving relationship  is possible with a decent person.

    If I  understood correctly, and do  let me know, I hope you do attend to managing  your drug/ substance abuse problem,  start or re-start the healing process required, and  so, avail yourself  to a healthy, loving relationship with a good man.

    anita

    December 2, 2017 at 3:47 pm #180341
    Peter
    Participant

    We repeat the past in order to heal it. You can break out of the cycle when you make this truth conscious. Try to create some space where you can be with yourself without labels, judgments or measuring of your experience.  When you can sit with yourself without labeling your experience as this or that you will be less likely to get stuck living out the labels.

    I found the following books helpful when I struggled to understand my relationships. ‘How to Be an Adult in Relationships’  and ‘When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships’  by David Richo

    Most people think of love as a feeling, but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.”  Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person.

     

     

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Peter.
    December 3, 2017 at 6:12 am #180367
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Nicole,

    As I’m reading your long post, I almost miss, because it’s almost as an aside: “I’m raising three boys on my own.”

    THAT is what the post should be about. It should be: “Help! I lost my job due to drug addiction and I’m raising three children on my own!” NOT “I don’t think my mom loved me and all my BFs broke up with me when they found out I wasn’t perfect.”

    1. Get yourself into treatment/see a doctor/get a support group

    2. Find a job ASAP!

    Then when the boys are all adults and you have the time to ruminate, THEN you can work on resolving your origin story and romance side stories.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
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