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  • #90615
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Reader:

    * “who” is the user name of a member who appeared on tiny buddha a few days ago and seems to be gone, maybe for good.

    I feel pain this afternoon, quite intense. I re-read who’s posts and his last “venting” thread. In a couple of his posts he was actively angry, lashing out at me a bit. I couldn’t, wouldn’t take it. I am not a psychotherapist, not here “on the job,” any kind of job, and if I was a psychotherapist, I wouldn’t be a good one. I am not capable, trained or willing to take abuse of any kind, once I detect it. I can’t. I won’t. So I couldn’t tolerate, if I was a therapist, a client who attacked me with his, or her anger. Some therapist are able to do that. Some people, maybe, are capable of keeping themselves whole while such a thing happens, able to endure “little” insults, “little” attacks, understanding the person attacking is hurt, and feeling empathy while under “slight” attack. I cannot.

    A few days ago, who came to visit here, this website. He came to play in the playground one evening, where Jack and I played around as we have done in the past, like little kids. He joined us and there we were, three kids playing. It was fun.

    I liked who. I felt for him and I tried to help him. He came up with a tagging game that I did not understand and I tried to understand it and play but I wasn’t able to do it right, and to this day I don’t understand the game. But he took it to heart and in his last thread blamed me for destroying the game. I didn’t mean to. I tried to pay attention to him the best I could, to let him know he matters.

    And I failed. Once he lashed out, just a “little” I couldn’t tolerate it and I don’t think I should. But I am hurting as I can see in his posts so CLEARLY how much in pain he is and has been his whole life. I can see the child in him, trying, ONE MORE TIME, here on tiny buddha, to connect. To make a go of it. His first sentence in his very first post was: “All my life I’ve always screwed things up”

    And I can’t help thinking, if only I made it possible for who, to really help him. If only I could have prevented his experience in tiny buddha being ONE MORE incidents being “screwed..up.”

    When you see someone HURTING so much, when you see them TRYING to connect, trying to get what they never got, acceptance… love, really, it hurts so much. I want to reach out to that hurting child and take his hand and comfort him.

    I was that child. Many of us are. Who is one such child, one that reached out so innocently, again, and has gone his way, disappointed one more time.

    This is breaking my heart.

    anita

    #90617
    jock
    Participant

    who
    if you area reading this, you’ll know that we do care.
    I thought we were doing well on here together.
    It surprised and shocked me that you left so soon.
    I didn’t want you to leave, that is for sure.

    #90624
    jock
    Participant

    re the tag thread that who started:
    I think who might look back one day and see that he over-reacted to the lack of responses and obedience to his rules.
    Perhaps lack of experience on Internet forums made him naïve in this area.
    I have started countless threads on different forums, that did not receive one response. I almost treated it as a test of my stamina and resolve, not to care. The key is to not personalise. “My thread is me”. “If they reject my thread, they reject me.” No they don’t. It means they are not interested in your particular topic or they find your approach too limiting. Or they are afraid you will be upset by a different opinion. So out of respect they don’t respond.
    Oversensitivity is often rooted in the ego. I know because my ego gets me into trouble too. I can easily misinterpret. Sometimes I am right, but sometimes I am wrong. it is fine to express uncertainty about a person’s intentions. But it is arrogant, to assume your suspicions are 100% correct.
    We all have an obligation to question our own tendency to react to something in a negative way. And we really need to work on the way we communicate.

    #90625
    who
    Participant

    To: Anita This exactly what your first words to my post was..>>>

    <>>
    That was from the (VEnting) page..

    How could you take it personal, when I had started my first sentence with:
    This is about me, and how I feel..

    Meaning it’s about me, not you.
    I was venting about self and life in general. It had nothing to do with you! or anyone here on tiny buddha! I didn’t leave or ask a question, because my post was a venting post. I didn’t feel that I had to leave one..If you read my Venting post, I just had 3 people that I knew die in the same week! meaning this week! one of the many reason that I started venting!and not once did anyone notice that!

    I am not the only person that you had issues with on here Anita! I read lots of your post. You even thought one time that your own best friend Jack was talking about you! And that’s my point, no one on here is talking about you!
    No it’s not about the game.For me it was about showing others respect and passing something good forward ..Just because it didn’t work for you! Meaning that I felt that you derailed my post, by saying negative things about how you don’t feel that many people won’t respond back etc. Already sitting it up for failure. Instead of letting people decide for themselves if they want to play. I felt that you made it more complicated than it actually was.

    When For some reason in post, you take everything too personal.That is truth! You went on to say that my post was insults..That’s what made me tic! because I feel you justify your actions in order to seem innocent or always the victum.. meaning saying that I and everyone is always attacking Anita! This wasn’t your first time, you have done this, meaning taking things personal! on my other post
    Am I Forever a screw up:

    <<>>

    Once again taking things that don’t apply to you personal! That is why I said what I said…And if you are going to cut and paste my stuff, please do it right! meaning when I wrote those post to you, it said only an example!
    This is how it really was said by me, actual words:

    <<<>>>>

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by who.
    #90632
    who
    Participant

    No I am not angry, nor mad etc.
    I have nothing against you or anyone here on Tiny Buddha!

    I’m not holding a grudge toward you Anita.. Even though I’m unsure on what you may or may not want from me? All I can do is APOLOGIZE SO I AM…I’M SORRY ANITA…..AND TO ALL WHO I OFFENDED..

    #90633
    who
    Participant

    And to Jack you are right! I’m not cut out for this!
    I rather talk to people in person, because words and face expressions don’t get mixed up! as easy as reading txt or post does! peace!

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