Dear Maria,

It sounds like you’re really hard on yourself, therefore maybe you’re hard on others ?

Its difficult  to change the tapes that play over and over, since childhood.  But it can be done if you’re sick and tired of hearing the same thing day after day. I’m glad you’re afraid of what is on the other side, if that’s what keeps you hanging on another day, then great.

Try spending time with quality people, people that care.  Be kind to yourself, you wouldn’t  believe how that will help you have a kinder view of others.  I was a cop, so I’ve seen the things your talking about more often than I’d like to speak of.  Maybe it’s time for a change of environment. I had to get out of the city.  It was hell hole, literally.

Everyday when you get up try saying…”I love you…and I’m going to have the life I deserve”. Even if you don’t believe it.  And there’s a audio book, and a regular book of course, called “The Secret”. Give it a try.

And a great start to getting your feelings out by posting on here  get the anger out.  If you have to walk, jog, lift weights…get it out!

Dear Maria:

You wrote: “F*&^ you Shawn”, not F*&^ to “what the circumstances did to” Shawn, but F to Shawn.

You wrote the same to Nicole, to your grandfather and to John, but you got to your mother, you wrote:

“F*&^ what the circumstances did to my mom”.

Only then, F*&^ what she did to me”. So what she did to you then, is not her fault; t was her circumstances.

Why is it Shawn’s fault, Nicole’s fault, your grandfather’s fault, John’s fault, not their circumstances?

As you continue to interact with your mother, you hold a lot of your anger in. What you hold in is exhausting you, making every move you make so difficult, is what I am thinking. Is that why you are so tired, so exhausted, so “whatever”?

anita

Dear Maria:

I understand. I didn’t suggest that you care about their circumstances and therefore, somehow justify their mistreatment of you. You are not in any contact with them, are you?

I suggested that you don’t justify your mother’s mistreatment of you either. Figuring you are in contact with her, I am thinking the contact with her is exhausting you and is not good for your well-being.

anita