I’m only 22 years old and my life experience is lower than yours. But I’d still like to share my opinion.

I think you should tell her since it’s not the first time. If you don’t tell her she will do these things even more, because she thinks it’s easy to lie.

Depending on her personality she will react either defending or appologizing. In your situation I would approach her by explaining your feelings and her avoiding these tasks. Don’t ask her why she did that because she may feel threatened. Also, you know perfectly well why she did that, don’t confront her with that since there’s nothing to gain for you here. End the conversation with a smile. Don’t wait for her to defend, just say what you need to say. Rather show a kind face than signs of anger.

Hope this might help 😉

Regi

Hi Airiene,

It unfortunately sounds like she’s “done” with parenthood. When our child is disabled, our jobs never really “end”.

She knows you’re a good mom and she is using that to her advantage. This will kill you, absolutely KILL you to do this, and hopefully you only have to do this once: BE UNAVAILABLE (you have “to work”/the phone died/car trouble). She will realize that unless SHE steps up “The girls don’t get carpooled! They are without their support person for a day!” What will happen is the other mom will (FINALLY!) be stuck with that anxiety herself. She will have to forgo a concert and baking cookies. When she sees that you, too, have work/”work” (read: can’t be manipulated) she WILL step up to the plate.

Also, find  more people to share the apartment or create a different living situation. Groups of five to seven are shown to be the healthiest. This way you don’t get as stuck in these weird dynamics.

Best,

Inky

Dear Airene:

You are welcome.

I understand your concern about not wanting to alienate Sue. It makes sense to protect your daughter’s roommate situation by not alienating the mother of your daughter’s roommate.

anita