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what to do?

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  • #82190
    buddha123
    Participant

    Hi, I am confused. I wanted to marry a guy whom loved but he gave reasons for not doing so. We had a fight, i left that relationship long ago..but he contacted me few years back. Since, I had not gotten over him, I responded to him months later. But, somehow, he still had reasons for not committing. This really drove me nuts. I stopped talking to him and having any expectations. It was closed. But, 3 weeks ago, he tried contacting me again. Called me few times, messaged.. I did not respond.Haven’t received any call after that. What you all think, what should I do? Talk to him back or move on. Its more than 6 years I know him and almost 4 years I haven’t seen him.

    #82193
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi buddha123,

    It depends. I would respond, but only have one communication a day and keep it short. This way there’s no endless back and forth. If he writes/calls and you respond with a brief paragraph text or a brief conversation and then say you have to go… This will force him to think about what you said. And if he texts/calls back and you don’t respond until the next day, he’ll really have time to think.

    People do change, but I would have no expectations concerning him.

    He’s calling because even though he still has issues, he doesn’t know where else to go! You can talk to him AND move on. OR you don’t have to respond at all, and hopefully he’ll move on himself. Do what feels right.

    Best,

    Inky

    #82197
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear buddha123:

    The fact that he keeps contacting you does not mean he is ready to commit to you. It can mean different other things. Ask him why he contacted you, listen, ask more questions- gather information. Don’t leave it to “luck” or the magic of anything could happen- check and see, what changed? What motivates him to contact you. What does he want… a good exercise with anyone so you know where everyone is.
    anita

    #82245
    Jodi
    Participant

    Did he give you a reason that he keeps contacting you? If you respond, I would start with that question. What is he hoping to gain? As Anita pointed out, contacting you doesn’t mean he’s ready to commit. He could just be lonely or testing the waters to see if you’ll take him back. You can respond and also move on as Inky said, it’s not an either or scenario. Best of luck!

    ~Jodi

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