Hi Jerris,

All our early life we were put in a “system”, in “a track”, but once school ends it’s every man for himself. Even our old mentors are now competitors or strangers. I wish there was a Program for Life that we can take. But the truth is we’re all just winging it. There is no right or wrong thing or path to do. And that scares me! I would say practice Radical Acceptance for now.

Inky

Hi Jerris,
I knew perhaps a similar frustration? when I moved back home for a little while after Uni … it also sounds like atm you are financially stuck there? and if it’s not a good option to get a part time job to afford to rent a room while you finish getting your teaching certificate maybe you could focus on the thought that your course finishes in August..time will pass and those 7 months will soon be here. Keep focusing on making those lists and plans, what countries would you like to teach English?, which ones would offer more opportunities for you? etc research and plan:) This will give you something to look fore ward too and aim for. Try to be kind to yourself in the mean time, do thing that you enjoy, take yourself for nice walks or whatever you can do for relaxation when you’ve time.

People can be controlling or make unwelcomed suggestions..I’m not sure which is your situation? If it’s unwelcome suggestions? but you are living in a friendly an open environment perhaps use it as a learning opportunely for both you and your family/parents to communicate in a calm way your wishes and dreams and reassure them you’re putting in a lot of time and effort into your plans for the future. Sometimes parents may overdo it because they care, reassure them you are 24 years old capable and strong enough to handle what life throws at you. When they see that you’re happy overseas and have employment hopefully they will calm:)

On the other hand if they are overly controlling? perhaps ‘thank’ them for that suggestion etc .. consider within yourself quietly if you ‘agree’ or ‘disagree’ and let the words of the person just slide away..focus on the thought that maybe they do this with kindness in their heart for you but it is being expressed in an awkward way and the suggestion wasn’t wanted in the first place, as it’s ultimately your life and your decisions.

I wonder if you contribute financially to your household for room and board? or at least work it off with house/yard work? If not ? maybe you could also bring this up and discus… it might help with feeling a little more independent while finishing off your studies?

Jerris if traveling and teaching English is what you really would like to do that is your decision. No one is better or worst than you, and you know your heart and your wishes the best. People can plan and aim for things in life but nobody knows what will happen in the future we can only do the best we are able at that period. Fear is a “feeling” only, it’s there to remind us to ‘watch out’ or ‘be careful’ but if you want to do something (which is not going to harm you or others) and have prepared as best as you can than, accept that you have this feeling, remind yourself that it is not a ‘saber toothed tiger you are hunting, your life is in no danger but thank you very much there fear ‘ you want to travel and teach abroad and push through on your path.

and People talk… people talk if you fail, people talk if you succeed may the gods bless them… 🙂 Both failing and succeeding make up a happy and content life, when you learn and grow from it.

Best wishes

Best wishes 🙂

I once felt this way. Exactly, I picked a school, started on my GRE’s and did them every day, every minute, completely obsessively. It worked. At this time, if you don’t have children and you want to go abroad to teach. Focus, make it happen, study, apply, get your certificate. It’s okay to be in your head. It’s okay to be just for you. Learn to skate, study, go fishin, what ever floats your boat, just manifest your energy to where you want to be. Good Luck.

Be careful what you ask the universe for. The most efficient way to extinguish any response is to use it nonstop. So the most efficient way to overcome the fear of judgement would be to be ridiculed etc till it stopped hurting. It might be the only way though. When I was a little older than you, I had a child instead of finishing my PhD. My family didn’t want me to come home with her, as they are very traditional. When she was born she was deathly ill for 7 days. I stayed awake the whole time so I know. After that I had no false humility anymore. I was stripped bare. It’s not pleasant. But, maybe someone knows an easier way, I hope. I suspect though you might just have to risk it, and get judged, and see if what you want is important enough to reach for anyway.

I also suspect if you calmly and serenely, dare I say, adultly reach for your goals you might earn some respect. If not they are not worth your time. Where do you want to teach?

I’d like to share a short story with you , it may not help – as all issues in life are relative but I hope you will get something from it.

I had traveled the world , come from a fairly affluent family had many friends etc but eventually I squandered a lot of great opportunities and my addictions led me to run straight into many failures. These failures sort of “culminated” in my getting arrested for possession of prescription pills in Atlanta and spending six months in Fulton County Jail , not even calling any family and not really having anyone actively looking for me.

Understand that I had great expectations from life andfor a time could sustain this fiction with a thin coating of material success. But here I was . Broke , in an extremely rough prison and without a person in the world who I felt I could call. But you know , in a strange way I felt free for the first time in my life.

After that I got a job at Michaels (a retail craft store) as a salesperson and went from six figures to $7.50 an hour. I put my soul into that work (even though I could easily have hated it). And thats the key, that’s how we win no matter what by making joy our strength.

I am not back where I was financially, currently working as an electricians apprentice and at the age of 32 living with my Mom. A complete loser, right? Sure , anyone can categorize me that way and they would be correct , only I don’t feel that way at all. So in my internal world which is the only one that matter I am happier and more successful than I have ever been.

Why? Instead of “living with my mom” being some horrible mark of shame I see it as a great opportunity to enjoy and improve a relationship with the only family I have , I was, honestly, terribly lonely out in the world with all the trapping of a “good life”. Instead of starting a new, much lower paying and less “prestigous” (its funny too me that I ever had such a simple understanding of life where I thought my job defined me) position feeling like a drop to the bottom, its an exciting new adventure where I get to learn so much about myself and now my new dream is to start my own business selling solar panels and to that end I have saved $50,000 .

I am not saying that anyone should follow my turbulent trajectory or that you need to fail at anything only illustrating that a change in perspective is a choice and an extremely powerful one. I can say , for sure , that these last years have been the best of my life and I am growing as a person in a way that I never would have in my old life.

So I approach every day with humility and gratitude. Our stories are different but I would suggest you trick yourself into loving your job and your life while you plan for the future. No time on this earth is less valuable than any other so while you are making these plans for the future, you can get a lot out of what you are doing right now.

I know how hard it can be and I wish you the strength to hang in there but don’t forget how amazingly exciting the journey ahead of you is going to be and that without a doubt, in your future you will miss certain aspects of what you are experiencing now.

Best of luck!

Jerris

It sounds to me like the people offering alternate ideas for you are probably doing so out of their own fear of having you go off into the unknown where they won’t be able to keep an eye on you. It’s hard for people that love you to not experience anxiety by your doing something adventurous. Because THEY will have to worry (they don’t really have to, they choose to). It would be so much easier on THEM if you just kept to a less exciting plan…… Typical parental behavior. They are not trying to undermine you consciously, but subconsciously I’m sure they are in full gear. It’s like when you send a kid off for their first day of school ever, you worry that the world may not treat your baby the way it should. So the best way to calm their fears (and that’s what it is) is to do your research, present them with exit letters of other people who have gone on this same adventure and are “still alive”. Let them see that this is a reasonable thing for you to do, that you will be well taken care of and that you are doing your research and are not going blindly. And seriously, do that research! That alone will give you more confidence in your decision. Reach out to other people who have gone before you and get some tips and information. The more you prepare, the less vulnerable you will feel to other peoples opinions. And there is never a fail in life. There are experiences. It’s what makes life rich. Adventures are the short cut to self confidence, trust and inner strength. Then you honestly wont care about peoples opinions, seriously.

I say, look at the job at Ross as a means to an end. A great end. Just keep thinking about all the great things coming your way, keep a smile on your face and you will get through it. And where did you get the opinion on white versus woman of color determining how you are received? Seriously? Who put that junk in your head? It’s time to abandon the self doubt and start getting excited for yourself. Start laughing at people’s last pathetic attempts at keeping you a child. Just keep reassuring them. You’ll be fine.