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What should I do?

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • July 11, 2018 at 4:12 pm #216319
    Mark
    Participant

    PrettyInPink,

    I view online relationships as not real.  There is a lot to be said about face-to-face, regular and frequent contact in order to establish a close, honest, authentic relationship.  Most of us will idealize people and put our projections onto others.  It is easier to do so online.

    My take is to focus on those who you can establish a face-to-face relationship.  Friends or romantic partners.

    Mark

    July 12, 2018 at 8:14 am #216391
    Lila
    Participant

    PrettyInPink

    I was in a similar situation (with my boyfriend actually) not long ago. I think giving him the space he needs is really considerate of you. But if you miss him, there’s no harm in dropping a message such as ‘I hope you’re doing well’.

    He may be in a difficult place right now, true, but as Mark said, sometimes we project- both online and in real life. You mentioned you think your insecurities might be playing a part in your thoughts and I can definitely relate to that. Sometimes our perceptions take over.

    You are in no way smothering him by contacting him sooner than later. But don’t feel let down if you don’t get the reply you expect. If it continues in this way where he doesn’t respond often/unenthusiastically, leave him alone and see if he contacts you first with effort. Sometimes you have to focus on yourself and let go.

    Lila

     

     

    July 12, 2018 at 9:03 am #216411
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear PrettyInPink:

    You wrote: “I can’t help feeling like he is losing interest. I guess my own insecurities are kicking in”-

    My comment: the fact that you are considering the possibility that he is losing interest is not merely a thought based on your feelings of insecurity, but on the reality that people do lose interest in others, especially following a beginning, short relationship, be it online or otherwise. It happens often because a deep, lasting bond hasn’t been created yet. There are things happening in a person’s life that take away one’s attention from a beginning bond before it becomes solid.

    anita

    July 12, 2018 at 9:34 am #216419
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    Thank you all that responded.

    Turns out he was watching the World Cup and did video chat me later. I should have just called him, but I felt he needed space. So what I realized is I should go back to doing the things I love to do to take my mind off him.

    July 12, 2018 at 9:37 am #216421
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    Hi Mark

    Thanks on your take on the situation. I feel online relationships are just as valuable as face to face especially in today’s world. I have made friends online with people that I have never met in person. At some point I might meet my friend or not. Doesn’t really matter to me at this point.

     

     

    July 12, 2018 at 9:39 am #216423
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    Hi Lila

    Thank you for your response. You are absolutely correct with your view point. I should have just called him. He was just watching the World Cup like I mentioned in my comment.

    July 12, 2018 at 9:44 am #216427
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your input. I totally agree with what you said. I’ve made friends that are hot in the beginning, but then get cold and in some cases simply ghost or go Houdini on me. While others have stayed. So this is not unusual in relationships. You are right.

    July 12, 2018 at 9:50 am #216431
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear PrettyInPink:

    It was a relief then, wasn’t it, that he was watching the World Cup. You wrote that you believe that online relationships are as valuable as face to face.

    I think that online communications can be and often are more valuable, more truthful, more authentic than face to face communications. This is why I am here on this website.

    anita

    July 12, 2018 at 3:47 pm #216457
    PrettyInPink
    Participant

    Yes it was a relief. He’s still not back 100% from the situation but at least he is communicating.

    July 13, 2018 at 4:50 am #216493
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear PrettyInPink:

    It is helpful to be clear about one’s motivation in communicating with any one person, to specify what it is at this point. Are you clear about your motivation in regard to communication with him?

    anita

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