What is true love? It seems that many people keep discussing about toxic, unhealthy relationships that linked with doubtful questions such as, “Should I stay or should I go?” or “I am no longer happy. Is this relationship suiting my needs anymore?”

I am 23 years old and I haven’t had many relationships, just three that I considered “official.” My first relationship was when I was 18. It lasted about 2 months, where I dumped the guy, and then realized that I wanted him back and we dated another 2 months, then he dumped me. My second relationship was worse and I was 19. It lasted a year, but we broke up and got back together multiple times. Our relationship was extremely unhealthy where a majority of it involved us arguing, yelling, and full of emotional abuse. After this relationship I decided to chose wisely next time, and to take it slow. I met my recent ex-boyfriend when I was 22. I was hesitant to jump into another relationship, especially since I saw myself having a long term future with this person. I didn’t want to mess this one up. At the beginning I set my boundaries (i.e. I have my friends, I have my own hobbies, I have x amount of time for a boyfriend). However, as soon as I saw that this was the partner I wanted to share everything with because I felt like he accepted me, I thought that this relationship was exactly how I would have liked it. I let all of my “walls” fall down and insecurities show with this person. Overtime I began to trust them and grow to love them more, and even now I still love this person. However, towards the end of our relationship we started to get into more arguments. I tend to get sad and cry a lot when my feelings get hurt or when I feel neglected, and I wasn’t able to communicate how I felt in a rational manner. (Neither did he. He would always say that he felt like he was walking on egg shells with me, or that the relationship was too difficult and shouldn’t be so hard). I didn’t think our arguments ended the relationship, but somehow I feel that my behavior was the reason for the break up. But at the end of day, he was the one that stated to me that I was too invested, and that he need a more independent woman, and that we would have second chance if we both changed.

Of course I was hurt. I loved unconditionally, accepted this person’s flaws, insecurities, and needs for individual growth. Did I do something wrong? I know I was not perfect in this relationship, and I may have lost myself in this relationship.

Knowing these new realizations, and learning from these lessons, I can only grow as a healthier young woman. Now I am at a point where I am trying to move forward with my life (it has been hard since it has been a month since I spoke this this person). I still believe in love. I just don’t know what that looks like anymore.

What is your story? What does love mean to you? How do you share it with your partner?