Hi Franco

I’m sorry to hear that you feel ashamed of still being a virgin. There is nothing to be ashamed of. My husband was a late bloomer. He is very well rounded and an awesome person. You sound like one too. 😊

It sounds like a good thing that you are interested in getting over your fear of rejection and asking a woman out. I assume that you have already been talking with this woman? What were you thinking of saying when asking her out? What is acceptable in your culture?

The rejection that you experienced before, was it particularly bad that caused you to isolate yourself?

There is no neon sign indicating that you are a virgin, so it won’t affect asking someone out. You don’t need to share that information until you get to know someone more deeply.

Advice I heard from a therapist about getting over fear of rejection was to ask 100 random women out on a busy street. I don’t know if this is culturally appropriate though. The idea is you get some yeses. Some nos. And get used to rejection. It can be easier coming from someone that you are not interested in and never see them again. You don’t really have to get to 100 either. Just as long as is needed for the message to sink in.

What about rejection makes you afraid? How does the idea of it make you feel?

Dating really is a numbers game, like a lottery. It is a search for someone that you are compatible with and it is not personal if the individual doesn’t feel that there is compatibility.

To understand more about the importance of compatibility, consider what you are looking for in a partner? What aren’t you looking for?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Franco,

As a man of 32, that was the age I met my wife. I immediately knew I wanted her. So, I just broke out of my old mold. And said I like you alot. I said a lot of silly stuff about how looking at her has turn my head around that I see no other woman in my life. If you find yourself questioning your ability to talk to her then you will fail. Be confident in yourself. Forget about your insecurities. Rejection only hurts for a moment. Being alone can last a lifetime. So, go. What to talk about? Ask for her ideas about relationships? Should a guy keep pictures of his ex girlfriend when he is living with his present girlfriend? Make it like you value her opinion. Something like I would like your help. I met this woman that I am very interested in, say you think the woman is beautiful and should I ask her to have coffee with me? Then ask her to have coffee with you. You can be silly to break the ice. If she says yes then go have coffee and talk. Ask her questions about her, not talk about you.

Rejection? It is okay to be rejected. A no thank you is not a bad thing. Only bad is if she thinks you are a creep. Don’t be creepy. No one thinks bad of a virgin. The first always means more than everyone that follows. And most people appreciate it. Stop the fear and go head first into this. If you want practice then look at youtube.com Search “Charisma”, learn not to be shy.

Tommy

Hi Anita,

I would like to say that if a man meets a woman and does not show the intentions of wanting more then trying to be her friend will end up being her friend and nothing more. Without that little spark, that something that makes two people like each other, the relationship will not progress too far. And it has to happen early in the relationship. As I said, I was 32 when I met my wife. I tried that being friends first. You end up being friends and that is it. Showing that attraction and having that spark makes all the difference between a friend in the end and a lover forever. Yes, be confident but not macho. A man needs the confidence to approach and begin a conversation. Have you ever tried to approach a man? In society, it is the man that needs to make eye contact, walk over and say something to pull in the attraction. Rejection weighs heavy in the mind of the man as he has to walk away feeling shame and embarrassment.

When talking, do not answer questions with one word. Like if she ask you what you do for a living, Answer with several interesting ideas. Like, Baseball players get to travel to other cities and I grew up wanting to be a baseball player so I could travel but I could never hit the ball. So now I sell cardboard boxes. Look into her eyes and say it with a smile. Simple word answer does nothing to give another person to latch onto. To find something in common. To let the other person talk about themselves. Teasing around and playing .. shows a light hearted person. Easy to be around. Likeable.

Anita gives great advice (she is a great person) but here I think she lacks the experience of being a man and the associated difficulties of social interactions between men and women. It is time for Franco to make himself more sociable. I do not mean to go to learn to become a pick up artist . But, to learn how to be more charismatic. Make yourself into a person others want to be around and you will find it becomes easier to ask a woman to coffee. If you want to start with small conversation alone and the rest of being a friend then that is all you will get. A person would rather be shown a good time rather than asked what to do for a good time. A start up conversation of introducing yourself and asking if you would like to have coffee with me is more direct and shows interest right away. (Youtube.com Charisma on command. They give interesting pointers).

Tommy

PS, I am sorry if I interrupt and seem rude.

You are welcome, Franco, and please post again anytime you would like more input/ advice.

anita