Hello,

it happened around november 2016.

yes it was the girl that i was referring to in my 2015 posts. the one that was too interested and too curious.

i think that in 2015  i was a bit different person.

i thought that being nice and kind in a home environment means something bad.

i wanted to escape to the world full of young people. i felt like in a cage because i was still living with my paretns as well as studying the same thing . for me it was forever and the neverending cycle.

but from the perspective now i see that its okey. parents need to be kind and nice.

of course every stage of your life and every generation needs to be differentiate. maybe i was too dependable before. and too immature.

but i hated that this girl wanted to say that my parents are too protective. i remember even in high school when we were talking – she was always having problems with parents. she didnt have a family. they divorced and then her dad died. and instead of getting help from friends – me, andother people. she decided to party and take drugs. and she became the queen bee because of the attention that she didnt get in her childhood.

everytime i was giving her a help hand she didnt want she preferred to get drunk and party only with men.

i understand. usually women want to be in the centre of men’s attention 🙂  its natural

but she didnt let other girl be on the same level in groups.

it was her who introduced me to the company that i met up this man.

but it was not my fault that we were attracted to each other.

she lives in a limbo, in a world that she CAN. because she wasnt given the attention and good childhood.

but it doesnt meen she NEEDS to destroy other people’s lifes.

i will never forget and forgive.

because it was always me , in high school and later- like her shadow. always her the 1st and me the 2nd. always when she had relationships i was always the one to tell her advice, good friend.

but when i wanted to set up sth for myself like a little relationship , she realised. 🙂 because she knew me. she knew my steps. so she realised i was into someone from her company. some of her guards. knights that only she can use, one to party, one to spend time, one to go to the cinema. 😉

i hope she will never be happy . because she uses people. she is very egoistical because she fears the abandonement like she experienced in childchood. but i dont want her problems to influence my life- especially when she has always pushed away the help i was offering ( with friends, or psychologist).

i was the only one who remained so long at her side. people were telling me even in 2010 – she is toxic, she uses people. i didnt listen.

in october when we met she was scared of me. she plays nice, has a nice face but inside she is a b***tch.

but what goes around comes around. i hope she will get her karma.

think she is getting it

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mya.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mya.

Yes she was the main factor of my thinking about moving out.

She was the 1st from almost all of my friends ( school, university, work) that was living alone. But it was her financial situation and some support from the council. Because of her family issues she was given some money. She was also studying something else, short period and now makes a lot of money because she is good at what she does.In a group of friend i remember she was the 1st to move out even in high school or at the beginning of her studies when i was still living with parents.

But living alone doesnt mean only partying. Its also responsibility. But she was the ONE that was making parties and everyone was talking about her, as she would have a place to be. So she could CHOOSE people.Everything in her life was very early.It is okey. But i was maybe too naive and i was comparing her to me.

I also wanted to be like that and i couldnt understand that my job ( half time) and my studies require more focus, work and generally more pressure. Now it doesnt matter because i live alone. I was in Spain it was ok but i was not like a wild kid. I am older more mature and i dont perceive living alone as partying .

But i have also some kind of an inner pride that i dont like to be dependent on someone. It doesnt mean that i do not take help. I take help i am more humble than before. But some of them didnt understand that i was kind of stuck at university, i didnt like my school friends. They started ( she started) to mother me, telling others that i have a very poor situation, telling others that my family is in a very bad condition . Why? I dont know. It shaped weird picture of me like of a very weak person.

When she was turning 26 in 2015 and invited me for a party i gave her some hand made present – it was a cool idea, i did that because i liked her and we have known each other 8 years. She told me it was bad, because it was too emotional, gave me a shot of vodka and told me to drink and to stop telling her wishes.

cool..

Coming back to you question. I though she was the one that was free, because she was the 1st to be independent. I knew she had problems but didnt want to take the help from NOONE. Only preffered  men attention and company. And i thought that she became someone because she was free.

Later i realised that i was wrong. That being free doesnt mean to make drama and drink. Maybe i dont have young memories like her. Maybe i didnt party like her because i was stuck in my room or my friends room doing my homework. But we had different lives. I can not compare it.

Before I was living in Germany for a year  and i was free.  I could do what i want but i was not as party girl like anyone could imagine. I lived a normal life. In spain the same. Being free means that you are not dependent on the same routine, of what others want you to eat at etc. I didnt even have it in my family home.

To fly and to be free means to create a life like i want and to do what i want.( with a respect to others).

Thank you,

yes i love freedom. Its something I like the most in any relationship. The thing i know that i can do something my way or i am not actually attached to anything makes me feel good. But i also care, i work a lot, i care. I can be aloof but it doesnt mean i dont care.

Thank you,

Mya