the worst thing for me is that i analyse too much and sometimes i get paranoied too much because of people’s behaviour.
its like i want the world to be like i want it to be. im too possesive sometimes.
sometimes i cant rely even on myself.

its like those people do their thing they focus on their careers relationships friendships and i analyse their lives.

sometimes its my fault because i take too much effor to think of otehr not for me- thats why my face is stubborn but i feel weak inside when it comes to meeting new people.
when someone is nice – i see the second botton. when someone helps me i think i need to be careful because that help is not straight.
when someone talks nice to me i think its a lie.

its true.

how can i change it?

sometimes i think i perceive the world differently talking about others.
i dont do drugs i dont drink much i dont smoke.

i think the worst and the 1st enemy is my mind, my brain…….

hello, thank you all for the replies in the last 2 years. finally we have not been together.

this girl is still with her 5 year younger boyfriend ( that she can control) since that time since 2015.

i cut the contact with her in november 2016. i am happy about that.

this man has had 2-3 girflriends. i had one boyfriend abroad when i was since february 2017 until august 2017.

this man was behaving weirdly even after… 1 year after even when he had girlfriends ( but unofficial).

he would come up to the parties or just at my work ( i was a freelancer then).

i moved on when i saw that he was possesive and weird, he didnt let me move on.

i chosed some other man that UNFORTUNATELY he knew before. when he realised i liked him and vice versa, he interrupted, disturbed.it was in january 2017.

now they are close friends.

iam single again. i dont have anyone.

he did that in purpose because he saw i liked that other man…

the other man now works with him as freelancers.

its complicated i am away from that company.

that woman is queen bee in other company of her younger boyfriend. attention-seeker. i am not there. i dont wanna be associated with her.

i still dont know why he was possesive and jealous of my friendship and flirt with that other man.

he didnt want me, it was in october 2016 when he was picking me up home several times from work. hewas so humble, not bad boy, he would almost cry, i was put in a weird situation. i finally asked him what was between us and why it didnt work out.

he told me we could meet up . but next days and weeks he freaked out, panicked, started ignoring me like he would made a mistake or idk.

but then was possesive and jealous of the other man…

then i moved to the other country for 7 months to work. he had other gfs but was liking my pics.

when i came back we met only twice. he was idk nice and humble, was scared of me. once .

we didnt talk, we didnt see each other since august 2017. i just sometimes like his facebook statueses.

i dont care. i just got rid of him.

but still the bitter situation remains deeply in my heart and head. why was like that… ?

why i was so prone t o other people’s comments?

it was me who was weak. that girl did her job she interrupted. now she is calm and she can now say- you didnt want him, why did you cry- it was 3 years ago 🙂

so i lost. but i cut those people away.

i do my thing. maybe sometimes they see that on social media maybe not.

i just dont want to have anything in common with that man.

if i like something i can comment or like his status but it doesnt mean anything.

i dont wanna come back.

chapter has been closed.

Hello, thank you for your reply anita.

I justthought that maybe someone is interested in astrology here and could help me understand the period of my life that i am now in.

But it is ok if noone can help because i have been interested in astrology since just a few months and i do not know a lot. 🙂

The main question for me in the other thread was that since a year  i have felt a big change.

I needed to reply to this thread because i felt like i didnt close it ( even mentally here). When someone mentioned that i was ‘blocked somehow’ previously 2 years ago it was true.

When i moved away to Spain in february 2017 until august 2017 i felt a relief. I was working and studying. Now i finish my long period of my student life. But its ok 🙂 I unblocked abroad. Its all about mind. Before maybe I was too paranoied and too shy to admit that i cared about other’s opinions.

Now i am a different person, i am assertive, nice but assertive – i can say NO. I am an adult. I am 27 even 3 years ago i didnt feel like 24-25 year old woman. I still felt weird like a young child. Mentally.

Now it has changed. I accepted some facts i can not make a past back, its okey. I got rid of some toxic people, now i am only friends with A FEW. It was good 3 years of self improvement and self consciousness.

I am very grateful and thankful of the help and posts and advices that all of you gave me here in the forum. I appreciate it.

Yes it was helpful 🙂

Anyway those people have been toxic. I mean this woman the most toxic person.

This man is not even her friend anymore. Maybe he is but only a friend. SHe is an attention seeker, always on facebook, instagram, other social media that allows others to see her life. and she publishes it in purpose not to lose the attention.

As someone said before – that people will give her a side-eye someday- i think that a lot of them have already done it 🙂

that is why she can not be an individual unit , experienced by herself but only with other people. she is dependent on others.

since 2015 i have learnt that to be able to share my life, happiness or any relation with other person i need to be full , i need to be calm and whole, unity. Without that it could be toxic, because any of us, me or the other person cant give only take.

Its important to give as well.  I also understand it better now. Maybe before i was too immature, too proud full of myself, but now i know, i guess i learnt my lesson. It was good 2,5 years.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mya.

yes i think you are right.

now i just do not think of her, we havent met since october 2016. sometimes i see she is active on facebook, spamming and commenting everyone. but its ok. i let her be.

these two years tought me a lot. especially regading my confidence and my life. that was ok.

i learnt that people especially my age have 2 sides. i do not know why but here in my country among every one of the group, people pretend and have masks. abroad my friends didnt have masks.have been real.

here i dont know what happens, a lot of my friends is fake. even they are intelligent, graduates. like they want to prove something or i dont know.

and being real,being vournelable but aware of life, and things that happen around is a sign of being weak not strong.

people are afraid to show emotions. and they hide it thats why a lot of conflicts occur.

usually people like me because i show emotions and i am strong and even when i was younger i used to tell in a nice way what i wanted. maybe as we discussed before i was not as assertive nor talkative and i couldnt express my emotions bravely.

but that is weird because since the beginning of my studies i was involved to groups with Queens Bee. and i was always the ‘rival’ of them. and because people knew those girls better they usually relied on them/ their opinion.

i didnt understand the hierarchy because really, still i dont need to be dependable, i can act how i want i can invite whom i want,i can talk to whom i want. there is no hierarchy.

and in those groups people were gossiping about other, outside friends that added someone on facebook ( what did it mean, why did she do it, is she in love with him). my mind doesnt need to be filled with trash like that.

that is  why i think only a few people liked me because i always had my path, my way of doing things, expressing myself.

i dont like drama. i just cant see myself screaming at my friend and throwing things at her. its not about me being weak and not  being able to express emotions. its maybe gentle behaviour like a normal person would do.

i see that before 30 . in the age gap 27-31 ( 28-30) people mature. i have felt more matured than my friends before. because i didnt make drama i was doing my thing. but i realised that drama people calm down before the age of 30.

and everyone forgive them the drama. i usually do not forgive the drama.  i can be nice and talk but i cant forgive. because its the way they made me feel. and i was away hidden in a corner because i felt bad and they were having romantic dinners. but when you ask them they wouldnt know what was going on with me because they didnt have the emotional  intelligence to guess or to be empathetic even to one of closest friends.

i know that everything will be okey with me. situations like that occured twice more after this one. but it was about work not a man. it was in 2016 and in 2017 when abroad. i was stronger. people wanted to cheat on me somehow because i was nice and normal at my workplace. but i was stronger than they thought.

i know everything will be fine but i usually do not come back to queen bees that made me feel that way. when i cut contact with her she cried and beg me to stay but i had a satisfaction to turn my back ( like in movies!! ) hahah and go my way.

and i will not have karma. because  i can feel and i am  empathetic.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Mya.