What do you when the person you like start to make you doubt them?

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.

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March 8, 2019 at 7:56 am #283671

Anonymous
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Dear Mutubu:

Reads to me that it is not a good idea for you to go to Canada to visit her. She is not your girlfriend, really. She is a woman you’ve been communicating with online for a while. I don’t see a relationship there with her. Like she communicated to you herself: “I’m not your girl so can’t relate… we’re single we’re just talking”-

No reason to spend money traveling long distance, getting your hopes up so to see a woman who is not your girl, and who is “just talking” with you.

I hope you can have a relationship with a young woman in your area, one you can get together in person, wouldn’t that be better for you?

anita

March 8, 2019 at 8:31 am #283675

Katie
Participant

Hi Mutubu,

I can’t really speak to whether or not you should go visit her…I think the conversations you have in the coming months will help you decide that. I do have a different perspective though…or maybe I just misunderstood your post a little. But from what I understood, after 3 months of talking she wanted to make it official with you and have a full on committed relationship, right? But you told her now was not a good time and to wait till summer. So it seems to me like she may have felt rejected and allowed herself to feel things for other people which she is allowed to do as you two were not in a relationship. I think you both need to have an honest conversation with each other, one in which hopefully she can be open and honest as well. You can express your feelings for her and also your doubts and see how she responds.

March 8, 2019 at 11:36 am #283715

Inky
Participant

Hi Mutubu,

This is how you know where she REALLY stands: She gets to come down and visit YOU! If she hems and haws then you know your answer.

See, this is why I’m not big on long distance and/or online relationships. Real life tends to creep in.

Go see a girl who’s local.

Best,

Inky

March 8, 2019 at 12:43 pm #283721

JayJay
Participant

Hi Mutubu,

What the others say above is exactly the same as I think as well.

Good luck with your future relationships, which I hope are (like Inky says above) based in the same country, ideally in the same locality and not based completely on-line and in a world of virtual reality. You are worth much more than that.

Jay

March 8, 2019 at 3:56 pm #283749

Mutubu
Participant

First off I want to thank everyone who’s replied you don’t know how much that means to me and that’s cleared my head up a lot.

Yeah I was contemplating about going all the way there because after the conversation we had I don’t feel comfortable going to a city that I’ve never been to and to go see someone who says they’re down for one but seems to be afraid to make the effort. She does have family in the same city I live in because we all went to the same high school and although she’s busy I feel like that’s safer for both of us. I’m a patient guy who doesn’t ask for the world from anyone, i’ve been told by previous women i’ve encountered that I’m “once in a blue moon type” and things end not working out with them because they say “ I’m ready to commit.” Or “ you deserve someone better“ or “ You’ve been a big part of my life and I don’t want to lose you” and whether or not we stop talking, they come back into my life wanting me back.

I guess what I’m trying to say is how do I deal with someone who’s indecisive? What are someways you guys would bring up these kind of concerns? Would you try to exhaust all options before ending things ?

Once again thank you

March 8, 2019 at 4:50 pm #283753

Mutubu
Participant

First off I want to thank everyone who’s replied you don’t know how much that means to me and that cleared up my head a lot.

Yeah I was contemplating about going all the way there because after the conversation we had I don’t feel comfortable going to a city that I’ve never been to and to go see someone who says they’re down for one but seems to be afraid to make the effort. She does have family in the same city I live in because we all went to the same high school to me, I feel like that’sbetter for the both of us. I’m a patient guy who doesn’t ask for the world from anyone, i’ve been told by previous women i’ve encountered that I’m “once in a blue moon type” and when things didn’t work out with them it was because they say “ I’m ready to commit.” Or “ you deserve someone better“ or Mainly “ You’ve been a big part of my life and I don’t want to lose you” and whether or not we stop talking, they come back into my life wanting me back.

I guess what I’m trying to say is how do I deal with someone who’s indecisive? What are someways you guys would bring up these kind of concerns? Would you try to exhaust all options before ending things ?

Once again thank you

March 9, 2019 at 6:38 am #283781

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Mutubu:

You are welcome!

“how do I deal with someone who’s indecisive?..”

Let’s look at your current dilemma: the woman you are interested, at one point “pops the question and wants to make it official”, later she told you: “I’m not your girl… we’re single we’re just talking”, and most recently, “she wants me to come up to Canada to see her”-

I don’t think she is indecisive, I think she is impulsive in the area of dating/ relationships with men. She was into you at one point, then maybe she communicated with another guy, or had a date with one and lost interest in you. Later, it didn’t work out with the guy, she was lonely and got interested in you again. In that case, if you travel to Canada, she may find another guy interesting while you are flying to see her, which will make your visit there quite miserable.

You wrote: “I personally feel like I can’t have those same conversations we had before because trust has been broken”- trust is very important in a relationship, and I don’t think you should try to have a relationship with a person you don’t trust and who has proven to be untrustworthy.

anita
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