Dear christy:

If you and him get back to the relationship you had before, I think the relationship needs to change. These disappearance acts on his part need to stop and some label needs to apply to the relationship, a label that will exclude his disappearances.

If he contacts you again, please post again and we can talk about improving the communication with him, at least make it good enough for you to know where he stands and where you stand in these interactions with him, what are the expectations and so forth, on both parties to this.

As to you asking him if it is something you did… not a good idea to volunteer to take the blame, to assume you are guilty. If I was to send him a message after a few days of his disappearance, i would leave him a message like this: “I hope you are safe and well. Please call me as soon as you can.”

Post again anytime.

anita

Hey Christy,

My question is, do I let it go and attempt to move on? Or do I make one last effort to determine if it’s really the end for my own closure and state of mind?

I guess it comes down to your gut and current feelings. You seem to have come to your own conclusion and are waiting for confirmation from you significant other. Unfortunately you aren’t receiving any answers. What do you want to do, if you had to make a decision right now, what would you do? If he refuses to answer you, then it’s his own fault if you decide to move forward with your life. Clearly if communication is a problem this won’t change automatically if the relationship does resume. If you were to move on, without closure, then make up your own. As Anita has stated above, don’t automatically assume you have done something wrong if you truly believe your not at fault. This just means in future interactions that end up like this you will have to sacrifice your stance to accommodate your SO when he may in fact be in the wrong. This would not be a mutual relationship. Ask yourself, right now, are you happy? If you are in a relationship, what kind is it? Do you want to continue like this?

Hope this helps, post anytime.
Sincerely,
Matty

Hi Christy,

Yeah I have to agree with you, that his lack of communication all of the sudden is very unusual given what you said about him being consistent. Yes, make one last effort to contact him but also make sure before you cover all your basis first, that 1. He isn’t in the hospital 2. stop by his home and tell him you’re concerned if he does answer the door and if you’re not comfortable with that, send a police officer to go and check on him. 3. Check to see if he changed his number and if he did, well I would let him contact you first, as much as it’s going to hurt you, you will have no other choice but to move on.

I don’t know him so, there might be many reasons as to why he’s not communicating all of the sudden but I would cover all your basis first before assuming. Like I said, try one more attempt to contact him and see what happens.

Let us know how you’re doing in the future (sooner or later) what ever works for you hun.

Sending lots of love,positivity and light your way.

M.

Dear christy:

It just occurred to me and I wanted to ask you: do you carry with you a belief that things are your fault? As a child, were you told by a parent/ care taker that everything is your fault? Were you blamed a lot? Or otherwise took on yourself the belief that bad things that happened were your fault, a punishment for you being bad…?

anita

Dear christy:

I read your two line update. So no explaining why he disappeared. He said he wanted you in his life- was it an answer to a question you asked him, for ex.: “Do you want me in your life?”

So, him coming in and out of your life at will, no explanations… that makes you relatively comfortable because it is not too good to be true. If something is too good to be true, then it would be a matter of time before your hope turns into despair. This way, getting the crumbs off the table, so to speak, makes you relatively comfortable. You get some food, be it crumbs and you know your place…?

anita