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What can possibly be going on between them? am I just being insecure?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #224489

    alexa05
    Participant

    Hello. Ok, so my boyfriend has a female friend which happens to had been his real state agent like a month after him and I started dating, but he told me they are also <b>friends</b>, they're around the same age group, he is older than her and me, so when my bf did his housewarming party, he invited me and my family plus his family and friends including her, I got a bad vibe when I saw her trying to get her nose in everything in the house, like she was trying to win his family over, bring all the things, food, etc, I saw clearly that she was trying to get his attention all the time,she clearly likes this man, and I noticed him tense, likes stressed in the party and my aunt which is older told me that she clearly noticed that he did looked tense and nervous,anxious.

    This girl is always messaging him, telling him her problems about her adopted kids, family issues, she even send him a text asking him if he was free at night so they can go out, my boyfriend is very noble, good person and wins a good salary, i told him the day after the housewarming party that I did not like her at all. I don't even talk to my boyfriend this much, or message him, like this woman does!! MAYBE I SHOULD START DOING IT MORE OFTEN.

    This woman even wanted to be his roommate in the new house he bought for US, she wanted to live in a bedroom efficiency type, mind you this woman has like 4-5 adopted kids.I recently saw some of the messages she sends him, and she seems desperate for his attention, always initiating contact with him, they used to text through Whatsapp but now they text more through normal text message, but this past weekend we went to Disney world and he had told her that we were going with his friends , we left on Friday and that same day in the afternoon she texts him on Whatsapp and says : “”Hi, what are you doing?” in Spanish and my boyfriend saw the message but did not reply since we were in disney with his friend, but still HE COULD OF REPLIED TO HER, BUT DIDNT! I WONDER WHY?, so i guess she saw that, and then on Sunday she text him again saying: wow you don't say hi anymore!, Ok. And that's it.I wonder why he did not reply her? And why in some of the previous messages that she has been asking him if they can hang out, he tells her he is too busy, that he has too much work, and he has brushed her off a couple of times as I saw in the messages.

    The thing is that well, he did in fact answer her on Tuesday( we came late on Monday) and then he replied to her ” Oh sorry for not answering, that he had been in the Disney parks til late and plus his battery was dead. <b>And then he invited her to eat</b> to ”thereby talk about business”,(she offered him if he wanted to join her on her towels business”) so she replied” that she couldn’t cause she was going to go out with her cousin and her cousins husband” and he replied “Ok you let me know, If not we go tomorrow ( which he meant yesterday) but I went out with him yesterday, just to see if he was going to give me an excuse, thereby I would have known that he in fact was going to go out with her.

    I don't know what to do, I feel confused,insecure,should I talk to him openly about all of this with honesty or just wait til I see more of their interactions through their conversations and see if something is really happening?

    #224617

    anita
    Participant

    Dear alexa05:

    You wrote about your boyfriend's real estate agent: “trying to get her nose in everything in the house, like she was trying to win his family over, bring all the things, food, etc… always messaging him” – real estate agents do these things, bring food, trying to win everyone over because they are trying to win that commission by selling the house. I observed such behavior on the part of a real estate agent myself recently, she was a woman, the owner of the house, a man, and I know with certainty that she was not trying to establish an intimate relationship with him. Public Relations is a huge part of a real estate agent's job.

    You wrote about your boyfriend that he looked tense, “like stressed in the party.. nervous, anxious”- that is not evidence that he was considering or carrying on a relationship with the real estate agent. Money is involved in the selling of the house, that could be what stressed him.

    His real estate agent wants to be his roommate in the new house? Well, I suppose she is not making much money at her job and can't afford to buy a home or pay full rent for an apartment. If she is financially desperate, I suppose it is possible (but not necessarily so) that she will be interested in being taken care of by your boyfriend, whom you say makes a good salary. But I see no indication in your share that your boyfriend is interested in her as a girlfriend.

    You wrote: “I feel confused, insecure“. Five months ago, April of this year, you wrote regarding the same boyfriend that he was going to stay overnight at his ex wife's house so to look for property where she lives and look at stuff he still had in her house. You were very concerned that he was going to cheat on you with her.

    December of 2016 you were very suspicious regarding a previous boyfriend, that he was carrying on an emotional affair with a married woman living far away. Regarding that boyfriend you wrote: “I always ask myself what's going to happen with us… we have not talked SERIOUSLY about the future and it makes me feel with: doubts, lots of insecurity, emotional ups and downs, anxiety attacks and so on… sometimes I have even thought of just Breaking up with him and moving on with my life!… I feel STUCK… I AM exhausted mentally and emotionally.. I  don't know if he is being truthful.. I'm not feeling this relationship anymore, from some time ago, my body, my heart and my soul just wants freedom”

    My question to you: do you feel now, with your current boyfriend, similar to what you felt with the previous one (paragraph above)?

    anita

     

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