Whenever I feel jealously or envy I try to use it as an instructive tool to look inward about what exactly is being triggered by this or that person’s behavior or success. I know that sounds like a load of baloney, but… It’s amazing what you can discover about yourself in this way. Oftentimes I’ll subconsciously be burying what I really want, so jealous or envious feelings help me see what I’m really longing for in my heart or where I may be afraid to journey — what I really desire or need to work on.

I would also say that this quote is very much true — “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Your time on this earth is so brief. Why spend the minutes, hours or days torturing yourself by focusing on what you don’t have? It wastes so much of your time — and time is all we got. What do you really want to be doing with your life? In this present moment?

It’s so much easier (and lighter) to wish someone well and focus on doing your own thing. To let go of all that doubt and negativity you might be carrying with you. It’s hard to build a life, and focusing too much on jealousy and envy can slow you down. If you really thought about it, I bet you could find so much to be grateful for in your own life. Also, someone might be jealous or envious of you too — so it’s all about perspective. The truth is we never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head, so that beautiful, carefree friend you’re jealous of might have some deep sadness in his or her life you never considered. Life is so beautiful and messy.

One other thing that I’ve noticed on my own life journey — your friends can probably sense if you’re saying or doing things half-heartedly around them due to jealousy or envy (even if you think you’re hiding it). I know I have sensed when a friend wasn’t being genuine around me and I’ve felt that I’ve acted differently when those feelings have arisen within me. I’m working on it.

But what I have also noticed is when someone is just doing their own thing and wishing other people well and minding their own business… they tend to attract others to their light too. Maybe that beautiful, carefree, messy, empathetic friend rubs you the wrong way, because she’s triggering a deep longing or desire in yourself you’re afraid to face?
We’re all figuring this out and we’re all works-in-progress. I’ve definitely been there. Not sure if these thoughts help at all, but I wish you well. This stuff is hard and it’s okay to not have it all figured out today.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Marie.

I know. It’s so hard. But I think you reaching out and trying to understand these feelings is an amazing step. It shows you’re looking inward and searching for answers and understanding. I actually really love what Kevin said above.

‘There is nobody on this entire planet who can be “just as pretty as you” or “just as smart as you”, because you are unique in every respect. You are perfect exactly as you are.’

We’ve heard it before… but it’s the TRUTH.

But that still doesn’t mean that this journey isn’t complicated and tough. Wishing you the best, Alexandria!

Jealousy isn’t something someone does to us, its something we do to ourselves. In some sense we choose such experiences so a path to healing involves taking responsibility and asking yourself why you spend so much time comparing yourself to others…. what value does this experience have for you? Does it allow you to stay stuck?

All Emotions serve a purpose and I suspect jealousy points to areas in our lives that we need in to integrate. By either letting go or setting goals.

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”

“In the hero stories, the call to go on a journey takes the form of a loss, an error, a wound, an unexplainable longing, or a sense of a mission. When any of these happens to us, we are being summoned to make a transition. It will always mean leaving something behind,…The paradox here is that loss is a path to gain.” ― David Richo, How to Be an Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration

Your awareness to the problem of Jealousy is a door to self discovery. It has served its purpose, so you can let it go.  I know easier said then done… or is it….

A place to start might be a practice of mindfulness. When you become jealous of someone’s beauty, the issue is not their beauty but that you don’t feel beautiful. Begs the question of what is beauty? How do we measure such a thing? As a species we love to measure and label, but the reality is we suck at it. A authentic practice of mindfulness will eventually lead to jumping off this judgment and measuring ‘train’.

We work for that which no work is required. Accept yourself as you are as you challenge your self to grow, to do better as you learn better, without labels or unnecessary judgment. Who can ask more of themselves or others?

 I constantly feel this hole inside of me that I want gone! It totally prevents me from feeling good about myself.

The first step is to start loving yourself a lot more.  Fill that hole with your own love of yourself…

From the things you have said,  your don’t seem to have a particularly high opinion of yourself and if you’d don’t love yourself, you will tend to radiate those signals to other people, making you less attractive (as in less lovable) Weren’t the most popular kids at school always the ones who were “full of themselves” and looked like they loved themselves… ?

If I recall,  there are some excellent posts on Tiny Buddha about self-love and self-compassion. It’s not a quick fix.  Like all ego reprogramming exercises,  it will require patience and dedication,  regular practice and the honest desire to change..

But is worth it if you can stick at it.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Kevin.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Kevin.