I have two ways of being that are giving me grief in recovering from a broken heart:
1) open, loving, accepting, compassionate, joyful
2) closed, sad, frustrated, confused, regretful
My relationship ended 8 months ago. For the past three months my ex and I have exchanged texts and on occasion indirectly expressed how we are feeling about life/each other. Two weeks ago I went to visit him for a day. I spent the night and we hung out like old times, but never spoke about our relationship and how it ended on a bad note with no closure. I was fine with that, as I have been practicing accepting others and the present moment as it is.
I continued texting him or sending facebook messages (usually just something silly, but also how I missed him on x-mas). He reciprocated about half the time, but sometimes he just doesn’t respond. Usually I’m fine with that, but today it made me really sad.
So now I feel those feelings like I do in being #2. I think maybe I should just let him be. I should disconnect from him. I don’t know what he wants. I want nothing more than to be with him again (I spent the better part of the last 8 months figuring that out). I haven’t said that to him because we live in different places and have our own new lives going on.
I’m just so confused. I know how to nurture my self, my life, to find joy and happiness with what is. But this path of confusion is never-ending. And I don’t want to make a decision to cut him out of my life from place #2. I know it’s just my hurt state that wants to say forget it all. It’s just all very confusing.
Any suggestions, comments, wisdom?