I wish you a lighter and a Merry Christmas, Rosie,   and   Natalia  !!!

anita

Dear Natalia:

You are always welcome to post here, Natalia!

“My psychiatrist… never tells me and my appointments just get cancelled… her secretary books the appointments and doesn’t check“- I wish everyone did their job attentively and responsibly…!

“My mom decided to book a trip without telling anyone and invited herself to my brother’s house… they had to drop everything to cater to my moms whims!“- she feels entitled.

“I’m so upset , she’s probably going to do this to me next ! Just show up unannounced and expect everyone to drop their daily routine…. I don’t understand why she pretty much thinks she owns me and my brother and our homes, she even shows up at our work unannounced”-

– you wrote six days ago in regard to your mother: “I felt really bad for her that she had to make such ‘sacrifices’ just to bring us to Canada“- I am guessing that she thinks that she owns you and your brother and that she is entitled to show up unannounced to your homes and places of work because of the sacrifices to bring you and your brother to Canada (refuge camp and all), sacrifices she may have repeatedly told you about, so that you feel you owe her..?

“I’m also on the hook to help my dad and will need to help him move in with us as he is losing his rental place a lot sooner and has no where else he can afford to live. I need to find out some resources here because I’ve never taken care of a sick older person before, don’t know what do expect, I’m sick with worry and actually have been having many bad thoughts lately about giving up for good”-

– My goodness, Natalia.. You are under pressure at this time on two fronts: your mother and your father. More worrisome is the latter. It happened in the last few days (after you last posted here) that your father has to leave his apartment?

anita

Dear Natalia

What a brave and compassionate person you are giving your father a place to live in your home.

Does your father still drink alcohol?  I gave up alcohol nearly 15 years ago and now that I am in charge of the household we no longer have it in the house apart for the odd occasion when people I am entertaining bring it. Along side abstinence, good nutrition  is important to help the body heal. Chronic alcoholics are typically deficient in vitamin B1 (thiamine), vitamin B6, vitamin B9 (folate), and vitamin A[3]. Even in small amounts, drinking alcohol raises stomach acidity levels and reduces the ability to absorb nutrients through the stomach mucosa and small intestine.  Coconut Oil may also be helpful my dad has 35mls melted into his breakfast each day ( it took about 3 days to kick in).

I wish you all the best

Roberta

What if any health issues does your dad have?

Buddhist texts encourage us to have gratitude for all that our parents have done for us, this is something that many in these modern times struggle with. So general teachings on interdependence and gratitude may be more helpful.

Dear Natalia

When we give a gift we should relinquish ownership of it and allow the recipient to do with it what they will. You have offered and made a room for your father, it is his choice when &  or whether he picks up this gift.

Something done resentfully is not a gift.  It is a burden to both parties.  One of the techniques I learnt from Sravasti Abbey this week is to go and sit somewhere public like a cafe or train station and look at each person who comes in/ passes by and mentally wish that “may  they be happy”.  This helps us with connection & helps open the heart.

I had to work hard on my inner life to enable me to look after my mother when she had cancer, buddhist teachings nourish & help me each & every day as I look after my father. It is harder to look after some one with whom we have not had a good relationship for what ever reason. I hope there is a support group near you for such as ACoA Adult Children of Alcholics.

Instead of worrying, enjoy the luxury of the  freedom that you have in this moment.

Kind regards

Roberta