Very Stressed out... - Tiny Buddha

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by squidgirl.

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April 24, 2016 at 10:23 am #102609

squidgirl
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How do you deal with a boss that takes everything personally? Thinks they know what’s best for you based off the little personal information they have about your life? My boss is a “favorites” picker and although I’m usually on his list, I realize that it’s only if I do exactly everything he wants the exact way he wants it. When that becomes impossible then he becomes impossible too.

He pretends to be nice and approachable but everyone at the office is afraid of him. Very much like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Recently I had to make a personal life choice that effected my work life in a big way. I was honest with everyone who needed to be involved (including my bosses boss who was very understanding) but my boss has been nothing but negative and difficult. It doesn’t fit with what he wants so instead of being flexible or trying to be understanding he is acting out and making my work life very uncomfortable. This is causing me a ton of work stress on top of the life stress dealing with my personal issue.

I feel like the issue itself is not important in these circumstances. Like I said, I was honest and open with the people who needed to be clued in and so far this one boss is the only person who hasn’t been understanding. I know hes upset because usually I fill in for him and he is then able to do whatever he wants, and this would prevent me from being able to do that. But I also can’t control that and feel like it’s not my fault if he just constantly relied on me and never thought to come up with a plan B.

Does anyone have any advice on dealing with a difficult boss? So far I have kept my cool, stayed polite and understanding, but I’m worried that the stress will cause me to snap or get upset and cry in front of everyone. He has a very nasty temper and is known for talking down to people. I only have to work with him a little bit longer so should I just keep my head down and take it in stride until I can officially move on?

I’m not sure how much more I can take!

April 24, 2016 at 10:34 am #102611

Anonymous
Guest

Dear squidgirl:

I vote for not keeping your head down, not in this circumstance, not in any circumstance (other than the extreme where someone points a gun at you, close range, and tells you to keep your head down)-

Assert yourself with this boss, as calmly as you wish, but assert yourself. You keep your head down- he will increase his attacks on you. As a bully, his mission in life is to subdue others. Submit yourself, and you energize his bullying.

It is amazing how a bully retreats when showed real strength. And real strength is not you losing your cool, screaming at him, giving him a piece of your mind once and for all, no. It is sticking to the specific issue at hand, the thing he just said, looking him in the eye, and with a strong voice, say what is true. And walk away.

You keep your head down now, you will explode, cry in front of everyone, get some people’s pity, but you will be announcing your weakness to all and that will be something you take with you everywhere you go: submit (it is only until… I must otherwise, he/she might …etc etc etc.)

anita

April 24, 2016 at 11:14 am #102616

squidgirl
Participant

Thank you so much Anita! That totally pumped me up. I think it’s hard sometimes as women, especially in these situations to feel one way while the world is telling you to behave a different way. I am going to plow through with my head held high!

April 24, 2016 at 11:15 am #102617

Inky
Participant

Hi squidgirl,

One solution is to hire an intern so there is someone around to fill in your old role. If he complains, ask him point blank in front of everyone, “What solution would please you?”

He will look like a jerk, because nothing he says will save face.

You can also tell him in front of everyone, “What do you want? You know we’d all give you what you want if we could. So what is it you want?” Again, there is no correct answer as he knows you cannot give him what he wants.

It’s tough, but temporary.

Hang in there!

Best,

Inky

April 24, 2016 at 1:34 pm #102621

Spiritual Gangster
Participant

Hi Squidgirl,
You had mentioned that you only have to work with him for a bit longer?
How much longer? If it is a fairly short amount of time, I would recommend that you keep your head up and just try to stick it out until you are no longer in this toxic environment. I’ve learned throughout the years that work superiors aren’t always the most pleasant people to deal with. At the end of the day, you need to remember that they are in the role that they are for a reason. Life isn’t always fair and sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet. Maybe let your boss know how you feel towards the end of your tenure so they are aware of their behavior.
In the meantime, just continue to do your thing. Strive to be a better person everyday. One day, your boss will be a forgotten memory.

April 25, 2016 at 10:29 am #102695

Lyndsay M Anderson
Participant

Hi all, I am sorry to post here but wanted to know how to start a new thread.

April 25, 2016 at 1:05 pm #102719

Anonymous
Guest

* oliviapope: click FORUMS above, go down the CATEGORIES of forums and choose one, for example: RELATIONSHIPS. Click it, go down the page to the empty box for the Title and the body of your thread. Looking forward to read yours.

Dear squidgirl:

I hope you are still pumped up. And that you practiced assertiveness with your boss. If it didn’t work out to your satisfaction, don’t give up on the principle, but learn how to assert yourself better next time. Keep the practice and please do post again. I would love to read how you are doing.

anita

April 25, 2016 at 4:09 pm #102731

squidgirl
Participant

Thanks everyone! To answer some questions…I only have to work for him for 3 more weeks and then I will be transferring to a different location. The likelihood that we will ever see each other after this is slim to none, but we do still work for the same company so it’s hard to say, and also important that we don’t burn a bridge.

I still feel pumped and I am pulling ideas from all of you! I really appreciate the feedback because I was feeling so lost and annoyed that it was hard to come up with anything but anger. Right now I’m keeping my head held high but also not going out of my way to try and please him or help him in hopes of him being nicer to me. I do agree that it’s not my job to change him as a boss or person so it’s best to just let him do his thing and not make it worse by picking fights or complaining. Especially since I get to leave soon! I think hes coming to terms with the situation and has begun to ignore me, but we’ll see how that changes as my last day gets closer.

Again thank you all so much!!
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