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Very Late Mid-Life Crisis?

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #218145
    Mark
    Participant

    Steve,

    As a man who just turned 65 who has worked on making my life the best I can, I hope I can help you here.

    Making changes in life gets harder when we get older in my humble opinion so give yourself some slack.

    It takes longer to adjust.  You have not said if you are retired or working full time or part time.

    I ask you, What do you like to do?  What did you do to have fun or nurture yourself before you made the change?

    Good for you for making the attempt to help yourself thru Toastmasters (which I really like) and the courses.

    Have you tried MeetUp?

    Mark

    #218157
    Steve
    Participant

    Hello Mark and thank you for taking the time to write, I appreciate that. I work full time and mostly from home in a small marketing company. I notice in your picture you like to bike..well I do enjoy walking as thankfully, my wife does also. I have recently gotten into painting, being inspired by Stuart Davis and Picasso (this is what I’d like to do full time, but maybe it’ll have to wait a few years until I am retired!) Also enjoy strumming guitar and singing, but have gotten a little rusty! Recently placed an ad on Kijiji seeking a mature acoustic campfire jam buddy. I tried this once before but had only one reply…but we’ll see what happens. I still have over four years to work and presumably, to live in our adopted community, so I must continue trying to connect with people and hopefully find a friend that shares some interests with me…a couple our age would be even better! Have not tried Meetup yet Mark…do you recommend it? Again, I thank you for your follow up Mark, and have a great evening…

    Steve

    #218159
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    Great that you are nurturing your right brain with paining.  I am focusing  on photography.  I post a lot on Instagram and Facebook with my photos and some other photo specific websites.

    I don’t think I can really retire because of my financial circumstances.  I am so blessed to find an amazing romantic partner recently.  This is after 6 years of being in a 4.5 yr relationship and after a 19 yr marriage 11 years ago.  I did not think I would have been able to find such an ideal partner.  Before that I had been working on myself with self love and creating a circle of close, authentic and loving friends.  It takes a lot of work and time.  It’s a continuous process.

    Meetup is just another avenue to meet people.  There is no magic formula or bullet.

    I have focused on what I enjoy and look to meet people from that.  I just look to try different things and experiences to stretch myself and to get out there.  I work on not having expectations or attached to making things/relationships happen.  I was open to women or male friendships but I must admit that it is harder for me to trust men.  Ironic since I came from a family of two brothers whom I love but not close to.

    The literature is not promising in making good/close friends at our age.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/07/real-trouble-making-friends-middle-age/325837/

    http://www.hopesandfears.com/hopes/now/question/216897-why-is-it-so-hard-to-make-new-friends-when-youre-older

    https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

    Let us know how things go.

    Mark

    #218219
    Steve
    Participant

    Congrats on finding a compatible romantic partner Mark..obviously your positive attitude and not giving up had a lot to do with that! I will check out meetup, and continue trying to build my own circle of friends, no matter how remote the reality of it seems right now. There is no alternative, and I don’t want to become a bitter negative parody of myself. We do have neighbours that we talk to, but one in particular, is more a stressor than friend, with constant snappy one liners – usually mild insults masked with humour, which I could do without. Oh, I’ve also started reading the Sedona Method which emphasizes releasing of stressful emotions and feelings soon after they occur..too early to tell if it will be of help but interesting reading..have a good week ahead ..Steve

    #218325
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Steve:

    I think it will help you feel much better if you assert yourself with this passive aggressive neighbor. There is probably a way to do it, for you to plan and execute such an assertive interaction with him, that will make you feel empowered. It is very difficult to feel good in a place where you live under the daily threat of being bullied.

    anita

    #218373
    Steve
    Participant

    Thanks Anita..I agree, my neighbour is going to get a taste of his medicine next time he zings me (I’ve been rehearsing) and I’m sure he will be surprised! I’ve been too concerned with trying to be ‘a good neighbour’ and fit in that I’ve allowed this idiot a free pass..no more! I’ll let you know how it goes, and thanks again Anita and for some good feedback/help you provided me earlier in the year..Steve

    #218491
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Steve. If you’d like my input on your planned confrontation with the neighbor, let me know what it is. Regardless, I am looking forward to read your update.

    anita

    #221345
    Steve
    Participant

    Hello Anita..just a quick update..I did confront my neighbor when at a neighborhood gathering last weekend,

    when towards the end of the evening he blurted out ‘that story sucks’ I calmly informed him that he was involved in this story also, and to think about that for a moment (it was just a recollection of pulling into the driveway first day I moved in) …everyone laughed nervously, and after another short pause I added you know_, you should come with a warning label, at which point everyone laughed again and shut him up for the rest of the evening..pretty mild I know, but don’t want to get nasty (which I’m prepared for if necessary) and wait and see how things go..still, it felt good!

    #221347
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Steve:

    I appreciate the update. You call your confrontation mild but if it is as effective as it seems to have been, then it was not too mild, just right. Congratulations for a good job!

    Sometimes we have to re-confront, in different contexts, different ways. I hope to read more from you, further developments regarding the neighbor and otherwise.

    anita

    #221359
    Mark
    Participant

    Steve,

    Great way of handling your neighbor!

    I suspect that this won’t stop him.  People tend to not change but maybe he’ll learn…?

    Thanks for sharing that.

    Mark

    #221367
    Steve
    Participant

    Thanks Mark..I think you’re right, but next time it’ll be a little more explicit..hopefully he’ll back off and be a little more reserved in his comments..we’l see, but good to hear from you and I hope you’re enjoying your summer!

     

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