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Ex got engaged with the person he cheated on me with

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  • July 29, 2018 at 2:09 pm #219297
    Mouli
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m 24, a journalist from India. Pretty happy with where I’m right now.

    But today only I got to know that my ex boyfriend got engaged with the girl he cheated on me with. A gut wrenching feeling tore right through me. After just one and a half years when I am finally moving on, even though a little, a news like this just shattered me.

    So we had a super shitty breakup after a nice and sorted 3 year relationship. Our relationship was such that everyone got shocked when the breakup happened – from his friends to mone.

    There’s a huge ass backstory, not gonna get into it. But fact is he got into his current relationship exactly 3 days after breaking up with me, proving all my assumptions and doubts to be correct. I had move out from my city because I just couldn’t stand the memories that it used to remind me of, and kind of doing good in life as well ever since.

    But. What also happened is, I got ruined emotionally. Can’t fall in love, can’t date people, can’t even trust anyone anymore. After getting to know about him, I’m feeling even more bad about myself, that I’m in such a position after loving a person so much, while the person who cheated is having such a sorted life!

    • This topic was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Mouli.
    • This topic was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Mouli.
    July 29, 2018 at 10:25 pm #219315
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Mouli,

    You are hurting and reliving the pain from last one and a half years. It is difficult to move on from a nice and sorted 3 year relationship particularly if the feelings about it are left unresolved.

    You need to allow yourself to go through the situation being full aware of what is happening with your feelings. Healing can take place only through this. Suppressed feelings have the habit of surfacing at the most inopportune moments.

    A relationship is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what your expectations are. Maybe that is for later. At this point in time do things that promote your healing – be near loved ones and be in situations that you are comfortable with.

    Reminding yourself of the “shitty breakup” will give you the reasons of what was not right about the relationship and why you need to move on. But for now primarily be kind to yourself.

    Take care

    July 29, 2018 at 11:04 pm #219319
    Prash
    Participant

    *Re-posted

    Dear Mouli,

    You are hurting and reliving the pain from last one and a half years. It is difficult to move on from a nice and sorted 3 year relationship particularly if the feelings about it are left unresolved.

    You need to allow yourself to go through the situation being full aware of what is happening with your feelings. Healing can take place only through this. Suppressed feelings have the habit of surfacing at the most inopportune moments.

    A relationship is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what your expectations are. Maybe that is for later. At this point in time do things that promote your healing – be near loved ones and be in situations that you are comfortable with.

    Reminding yourself of the “shitty breakup” will give you the reasons of what was not right about the relationship and why you need to move on. But for now primarily be kind to yourself.

    Take care

    July 30, 2018 at 6:59 am #219399
    Mouli
    Participant

    Hi Prash,

    Thanks for you kind words. But didn’t quite get what you meant by, “You need to allow yourself to go through the situation being full aware of what is happening with your feelings. Healing can take place only through this.”

    Will you please do elaborate?

    Thanks.

    July 30, 2018 at 8:02 am #219407
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Mouli,

    Following the loss of a cherished relationship, a person generally goes through the 5 stages of loss. Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

    From your post, it looks to me that you had repressed some of these phases since you mentioned about being ruined emotionally despite changing places and apparently moving on. How long each of these phases last is totally unpredictable. Through being aware of what is going on in your mind, you need to go through these and take it to a place of acceptance where healing will be possible.

    Hope I have offered some clarification. Look forward to read from you again.

    Take good care of yourself

     

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