Hello there Anita,

I hope you are ok and thank you yet again for replying.

His mother has full custody and we see him every other weekend, but on holidays or half terms we have for a week or two weeks, depending.

well yes, you hit the nail on the head, i am trying to make someone who doesnt have me first on his priority list only himself as he always has.

But how can you love someone like that and not want to give up even when you know he doesnt and wont care as much as you will or do.

I am at the moment doing Reiki Healing, i was going to psychoanalysis, psychiatrist and psychologist too and spent so much time to try and get better, but nothing seemed to work, i felt great on that day and then the next week till my next appointment i was depressed again. It just seemed like a temporary fix and going through all the emotions and talking about all the painfull things just made me worse.

In regards to Reiki, we have a very good connection and i dont know why i just seem so much more calmer, i dont know if its to do with the Reiki or i have just started not to care anymore i.e giving up.

Like i said above he is now deployed and we hardly speak, whenever he isnt working. I have to believe what he tells me, apparently last night there was a midnight meal (for those who were working night shift), he doesnt work night shift and i also had no idea that they served food at that time as he never told me. So i questioned this and said ”oh i didnt know there was midnight food ” etc.. and he went on full attack mode that i am always finding faults and that i dont trust him.

My usual reaction would have been an emotional tantrum, and it just didnt come. I was a little upset, but i was very calm and explained to him if i dont know something its because you havent told me and there was no need to swear and go on and on about it.

I think this threw him off, he came back after about 2 hours babbling on about trust and what i said was wrong and he did nothing wrong, and i answered him, its all good no worries whatsoever, lets forget this. I get a reply saying i love you with a crying face..

Seems to me its like reverse psychology now, i am showing him strength and he is now like a whimpering dog.

This is just so frustrating!!! I just want to get on with my life.

Hello Anita.

Yes it is very nice being able to communicate with you again.

Yes you are right in the aspect that the person who is most important in his life is his mother, not his father and I.                               When i moved over his son was a lot more connected to me, obviously being used to having his mother around and not his father. Only as time has gone by and me trying very hard to make him and his father connect, has the circumstances changed and now he wants his dad a lot more than he ever has, and for this i am so so happy, as they both need one another.

Again you have said something that has hit me hard but i also know its very true, it wont be traumatic for him to lose me, but will be very traumatic for me unfortunately, even now that i have been away from him and its killing me. I sent him his xmas presents too via Amazon, his father could have done the same but didnt. Now that i think of that too, its pretty messed up.

Wow, you know i never thought about it that way. My biological father has been in and out of my life, would speak to me for a couple of weeks and then disappear for the next 2 years unless i call him to make contact. I had my step father though who loved me unconditionally and looked after me when my father didnt. I always want approval from people and want love, because i give so much love back. Is this my problem?

Well it did at times, that my want for approval comes from my childhood but my Councillor never properly explained to me why i feel the way i do or why i have such a dire need to be loved and wanted, i thought this was a basic human need, is it not?

Blessings

x

Dear Anita

How do i stop this need of wanting to be loved by people who dont? This is what i find so hard.

Of course i can tell you, it is very complicated my childhood. My mother and my step father were together before i was born, they were separated when i was born but not divorced, he still had contact with my mother and his children ( my 2 step sisters). My mother proceeded with another relationship to a married man ( My biological father) and then they had me. He of course had a wife and children too, and to be honest i dont think very much bothered about me. My step father on the other hand wanted my mother still and he continued to support my mother and us children. They still were not living together, but my step father used to come to the house everyday to have lunch with us, he did all the food shopping too, took us out for meals etc.. very strange arrangement, but then again thats all i knew. He showed me love in the sense he never let me go without, he would take me to the beach to pick shells, to the park, to his house to play with his expensive china and take me for meals, as i got older i held him very high as he wasnt my dad but never ever wanted me to call him by his name, ONLY dad. I only found out that he wasnt my dad at the age of 6, was quite a blow, but i didnt really connect with my real dad, so this man who brought me up was considered for me, my dad! i lost him when i was around 23 years old from prostate cancer. My world turned upside down and even to this day i cry for him but at least he is not suffering. I saw it as unconditional because i thought this man loves me so much yet i am not even his child, and this is how i love too, i give so much love to people and unfortunately most of the time it is not returned.

Blessings

Hello Anita

I am trying to go back in time to see who was in my life that didnt show me the love i craved. I think i have blocked it out, i dont remember mum being very much in my childhood, very small snippets of it just like my step father. My biological dad i remember very little. I wasnt very close to my sisters growing up either because of the large age gap, the sister closest to me is 11 years older than me. This is all i can honestly remember 🙁

If this is the actual problem i have, then how do i get out of it since i have this ”problem” for 29 years, literally my whole life!

Blessings

Hey there Chanelle

Thank you for taking time to reply 🙂 I know i can do it, i know i can, i was the one that broke it off with my last bf of 4 and a half years and i cannot understand why on earth i cant let this person go!

You are so right a person can only change if they truly want to, and i dont think he does because he  doesnt try and i honestly do believe he thinks he has no issues or problems.

What he has done to me and what he keeps on doing to me is disgusting and if it were my friend telling me this id tell them to leave this person!

Thing is i dont think i deserve more than this, maybe this is the punishment i deserve for all the wrong things ive done in life, that i wont find anything more than this.. i am so scared to abandon all these hopes and dreams ive set my mind to with him. I feel like ive wasted 3 years of my life! I have invested so much physically and mentally on this person .. i dont know what is wrong with me, i am just petrified of letting him go.

Blessings

x