@dream1992

Hello

Thanks for your post. I am not going to answer your question whether you should walk away or stay but I will try to provide some clarity around this question.

First of all, I am sorry for your suffering. On top of your own fears, you must be battling a constant guilt for being harsh to a guy who is willing to look past your insecurities. Give yourself and your partner a big hug. These sort of men are hard to find in current times 🙂

What is your biggest fear ? What will happen if this fear comes true ? Whats the worst that can happen ? Now work backwards and see if you can incorporate these findings into your daily living. Most often our fear disables us when we feel that we are not good enough and wont be able to handle whatever comes our way. Now ask yourself this question – is this really true ? Did you not handle coming into this life when so many other babies dont take their first breath for whatever causes, getting education, going to work, getting into your first relationship ? You eat food everyday despite being unsure if one of the bugs in the food could lead you to sickness etc ? When we are able to put so much faith in the unseeable, what is different about your current situation ?

Always remember one thing – nothing in this life is under our control except for our reactions. Our reactions stem from our predominant thoughts. These thoughts create our reality. Now, You decide what sort of reality you wish to create – one of misery or one of facing your fears and marching ahead with your head held high up ? Our thoughts are influenced by everything around us including our speech, how we treat people, what we read, what we eat or do, what we tell ourselves, what we write etc. Get into a habit of looking at these thoughts regularly as you will realise where the problem stems from.

Being nasty to your partner, distrusting him, looking at future in a pessimistic way etc is running away from yourself. You are not doing disservice to anyone else except yourself. If you dont learn kindness, compassion, self love and develop faith in other beings, you will keep getting stuck in similar situations repetitively until you learn these lesons. So why not try to learn these lessons in current relationship ?

Can I suggest that you see a counsellor or a local doctor to see if they can help you move past your anxiety related concerns ? You sound like a young soul so facing your fears and moving past them shouldnt be too hard.

You are worth it all so give yourself a chance 🙂

Best wishes,

Jasmine

Dream,

In addition to the other kind words, consider that he doesn’t deserve better than you, he deserves exactly you. Even as screwed up as you think you are, he is the same. That’s part of what drew you two together. You’re both a huge pain in the butt, and both magnificent.

Consider that you have a huge, big, open heart, and love him perhaps a little more than you love yourself. So, he farts, no biggie. You fart, OMG. He stumbles, and “how cute”. You stumble, and “what a stupid clutz”. Over time, too much of this weighs the heart, until it doesn’t even know why such a wonderful man would be with such a disaster of a woman. Don’t be fooled, friend, even your disasters are beautiful, and the only reason his errors slide right by is because you have such a fond affection for him. Lend yourself some of that light hearted acceptance, you need it too!

With warmth,
Matt