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  • February 25, 2018 at 1:18 pm #194663
    jillian
    Participant

    I’ve never posted publicly like this before but I’m finding myself at a crossroad. I’ve currently been dating this guy for about 2.5 years and we live together and are financially intertwined. He has an alcohol problem, when he drinks he becomes irrationally angry and it’s always towards me and it stems from trauma in his past that he can’t let go. Two weeks ago, we were having a few drinks with some friends and out of no where he assumes I’m hooking up with his friends, so I just got upstairs to avoid the argument because I would NEVER break his trust. He proceeds to follow me and scream at me very aggressively to leave the house, 10pm on a work night. He said some extremely hurtful things and kicked me out, with no concern for me at all. It’s been two weeks and he hasn’t drank since because I told him I would leave if he drinks anymore.

    I just can’t seem to forget all of the mean and personal attacking things he said to me. This isn’t the first time either. But, this is the longest he has committed to not drinking..

    Is it worth staying? Has anyone gone through this..and did it get better? I don’t know. I love him but is it really worth it anymore?

    February 25, 2018 at 8:38 pm #194705
    Mark
    Participant

    jilian,

    Rarely an alcoholic is able stay sober without help; whether its AA, therapy, rehab, etc.  If he has past trauma that is unresolved then I suspect he will continue to self medicate with alcohol or something substance that puts his demons out of his mind for a while.  The anger is part of his acting out his trauma.

    You cannot fix him.  Whatever you do, he will still have his unresolved trauma and addiction that goes with it and the anger resulting from that.

    Go to Al-Anon for that is a support group for people who are intertwined with addicts.  You can hear their stories and ways to deal with an alcoholic.  They will tell you it won’t get better.

    Mark

    February 26, 2018 at 8:43 am #194773
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear jillian:

    You asked: “Is it really worth it anymore?” – we don’t forget a serious act of aggression by the one we love, I don’t think. You can forget a somewhat aggressive teasing or a louder voice or such, but what you described is serious aggression. At one point it kind of neutralizes the love, takes away the trust in the love shown us, doesn’t it?

    Two weeks of him not drinking and two weeks of him not getting irrationally angry. Are you considering waiting a certain amount of time, to see how long he stays sober?

    anita

    February 26, 2018 at 6:40 pm #194877
    James
    Participant

    Hi Jillian,

    my boyfriend is an alcoholic and has been clean for more than a year now. During the time of his heavy drinking, he was extremely abusive and I’d sometimes cry at night asking myself why I was still around. I ended up moving out and he hasn’t drank since. He’s a strong man and things are much better… he didn’t do it for me, he did it for himself because he knew he was destroying relationships. We still have issues, there’s no doubt but there is hope for people to get sober and stay clean. Keep in mind, it won’t solve all of your problems but it helps a whole lot. Best of luck to you, I feel your pain.

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