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Trying to learn to be more patient

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  • July 22, 2016 at 9:32 pm #110314
    Kadidja
    Participant

    For a while now, I have been focusing more on myself and stop trying to compete to be number 1 in my best friends heart. Since then, I’ve been amazed by how much emotions I’ve been really surpressing. For a whîle now,I’ve been less stressed, controlled my anger and been having less paranoia thoughts. I used to be involved in my best friends relationship and I’ve stopped doing that months ago. I don’t give her advice on what to do with her life anymore. That being said, I want to try to be more understanding and patient with her,because She wants to still be my friend. However,a part of me wants to move forward in my life. Since I’ve been taking care more of myself, there were a lot of things that I never knew that I enjoy doing. Sometimes when I talk to her, I get this feeling that I want to leave. When I don’t speak with her for a while, I feel great. But when I do, the feeling is different. We’ve been through a lot together. Since she’s been so busy her boyfriend college and work, I felt distant from her. I told her multiple times that I’ve missed her and I want to spend time with her,but she always said ” Yeah I know” or ” I’m sorry baby cakes. ” when I told her I would leave her alone with her bf till she had free time, she didn’t like that.she ssaid that she still wants to talk to me. I don’t want to keep asking her to spend time with me anymore. When I decide not to talk to he for a while(to clear my mind ), that’s when she starts to worry about us. I don’t want to give demands to her anymore. When I focus on myself Ang my other friends, I feel more at peace. But with her, I feel distant and scared.

    July 23, 2016 at 5:37 am #110315
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kadidja,

    I think it’s natural to drift away from your old friends, especially in college. This makes way for a more different kind of friendship.

    When we’re younger, we naturally want to be with our BFFs 24/7. But when you’re an adult, you find if you see your friends once a month, that is a triumph. It’s just different. Life, work, relationships, school… and perhaps later moving and a new family… makes the 24/7 BFF relationship impossible.

    But guess what? It’s OK.

    Next time get together with her (with no score keeping on who contacted who last) and have a great time, with NO talk about missing her, etc. Just have a good time! The best friendships pick up where they left off, even a decade later!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Inky.
    July 23, 2016 at 6:45 am #110323
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kadidja:

    It is better for you if you no longer interact with Molly (the name of the friend you provided in a previous thread). Obviously it is better for you. How do I know? Because you wrote above:

    “For a while now, I have been focusing more on myself and stop trying to compete to be number 1 in my best friends heart. Since then…I’ve been less stressed, controlled my anger and been having less paranoia thoughts.”

    “a part of me wants to move forward in my life.”

    “Since I’ve been taking care more of myself, there were a lot of things that I never knew that I enjoy doing.”

    “Sometimes when I talk to her, I get this feeling that I want to leave. When I don’t speak with her for a while, I feel great.”

    “When I focus on myself Ang my other friends, I feel more at peace. But with her, I feel distant and scared.”

    How much more evidence do you need, to see that really, this relationship is not good for you?

    You wrote that she is interested in you continuing this relationship, that when you distant yourself from her, she pulls you in. It is not for your own good to be pulled in; not for your best interest to interact with her at all. My strong recommendation, based on your own writings, is to end all contact with her.

    anita

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