Dear Flinn,
Heart felt empathy. If it helps at all, we can substitute “him” for “her” in your text (minus the kid factor) because you have expressed so many of the things I have felt over the past 7 months since breaking up with my guy.
About the only thing I can suggest is that you are on the right path, it will just take courage and strength to stay the course. It sounds like you know what’s best for you regarding the woman you love (just because you can’t be together, for whatever reason, doesn’t mean that love isn’t present). My therapist told me it will take as long as it takes…weeks, months, even years. I’m exactly in the same boat too with respect to looking for or being open to new love.

Hang in there, listen to your soul, you’ve come so far already. And know that you are not alone. I will hold you in my prayers. I think this is some of the hardest stuff we as people go through.

Sojourner

Hey Finn,

That you thought about a trip was the first step! 🙂

Another thought for travel – mental and emotional – books are mentioned to help, and here is some music, take a listen:

I was once
Tied at the root
Confined with twine
Both mind and foot
I cut it loose
And now am free
As anything
Alive can be

Unbound,
Suzzane Vega

Folks do you have songs that help with your personal development?

Sometimes I put a song like this on repeat and let it get into me. Feeding the subconscious. They say a lot of our behavior comes from there.

Big blue

You can do this! I have found these forums to be very helpful and supportive too…stay in touch.

Flinn, you articulated your struggle very well. I know this is an awful thing to say but it’s kind of comforting to know that someone else struggles with similar issues and I’m not crazy or abnormal. One of the crazy things I did to try to get past my “addiction” of communicating with the guy in my life was make a daily chart. I thought if I could go a week without trying to communicate with him, that everything would be much easier. There were certain times of the day when I was less busy and would always talk to him. I forced myself to keep myself occupied during those times and I would check off the hours that I had succeeded in not communicating with him. My friend saw the chart and made me tear it up. 🙂 She said.. that’s crazy and a week is not going to make your feelings for him just go away. She asked why I was punishing myself. I obviously wanted to talk to him so why was I punishing myself by not talking to him. He does want me in his life and he can’t imagine me not being there, it’s just that he can’t be with me now. (that part is too complicated to explain). My friend’s advise and the advise I’m trying at the moment is… I am still talking with him and enjoying his friendship (and yes i get jealous at EVERYTHING – it’s ridiculous and I know it) but at the same time, I am leaving myself open to running into the right person that I enjoy being with and can actually be with me too.

Flinn,

Beautifully said, brother. The thought of bodhicitta came to heart as I read your words. When we get fed up with our side of an afflictive cycle, we can turn away from it, and as it erodes, make plenty of space to let it go (as we bumble our way onward.) Namaste.

Consider Pema Chodron’s talk about bodhicitta. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DafQYGo3Zkc

With warmth,
Matt