Home→Forums→Relationships→trying to get over a relationship, nothing works!
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Anonymous.
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July 15, 2020 at 7:24 am #361746
AnonymousGuestDear taylalouise:
You shared that you reconnected with a friend and the relationship progressed into a physical/ romantic relationship, including living together for 3 months. You treated her like your girlfriend, but the relationship was never official.
“we would just argue back and forth all the time because we’re very different in beliefs and what’s important to one another… things turned to sh** in January.. we barely talk now.. she also blames me.”
“it just feels like something’s missing. She’s missing. And I don’t know if it’s because I’ve convinced myself that’s what I want, or it’s actually what I do want.. I miss her so much I’m just so caught up on all the good times and forget the bad”, “why can’t I still let go?”-
– because you are emotionally attached to her. We people get emotionally attached to people who are good to us and for us, and to people who are not. If she is not good to you and for you, then missing her does not mean you should try and get back together with her. With time and understanding, the force of the emotional attachment to her will lessen.
For my understanding, but more importantly, to encourage your further understanding, I ask: can you elaborate on what you mean specifically, by “we’re very different in beliefs and what’s important to one another”?
anita
July 15, 2020 at 9:40 am #361757
ValoraParticipantHi taylalouise!
I think, no matter what, the bottom line is it’s going to take time. There’s not a whole lot you can do to speed up the process of getting over someone, aside from not setting yourself backwards by doing things like getting into contact or checking her social media or looking at things she’s wrote or sent to you in the past. So just make sure you’re trying to put her out of your mind, even when you really miss her. With time, that attachment will fade, but it can’t be rushed.
July 15, 2020 at 12:51 pm #361790
taylalouiseParticipantThank You all for the replies and responses
To your question Anita me elaborate on what you mean specifically, by “we’re very different in beliefs and what’s important to one another”
Like she thinks always actions are the most important thing and i don’t, i’m more words of affirmation. also i hold my spirituality very close and important to me and i opened up about it to her and shared it and kinda always laughed about it or took the piss out of it. she’s admitted she’s pessimistic and i’m the positive one so it’s very hard when there’s just a negative thought lingering, like i used to say i always feel like things are a test and you’re testing my actions and everything. i dunno there’s a lot more i just can’t think right now
but thank you so much for the responses!!
much love
July 15, 2020 at 1:21 pm #361802AnonymousGuestDear taylalouise:
“she thinks always actions are the most important thing and I don’t, I’m more words of affirmation”- it is about actions and words, not one or the other. There is a saying: walk your talk and talk your walk, in other words, one’s words should fit one’s actions, and one’s actions should fit one’s words.
Maybe she was too obsessive about that fit between your words and actions, maybe she pessimistically looked for a misfit between your words and actions (?)
“I hold my spirituality very close and important to me and I opened up about it to her and shared it, and kinda always laughed about it”- laughing about something very close and important to you was an action on her part, an action expressing disrespect of you. I don’t think you miss that about her, when you miss her, do you?
anita
July 15, 2020 at 8:56 pm #361848taylalouiseParticipantthanks for your responses anita 😆
sorry i didn’t word that properly, of course actions are important like i don’t say something and act completely different, i was always big on communication and being open and vocal about everything and she struggled with that. what i deemed to be actions she thought was not as in little things like cooking dinner, picking her up from work, taking care of her when she broke her collarbone etc that all turned into you don’t care, you never did which frustrates me the most because i do care i cared so so much but my actions never showed it?
you’re right i don’t miss a lot of things and i tend to forget the negative but also it’s hard to let go of all the good times and how i did feel. so i guess i’m asking how to deal or combat with the weak moments and moving forward?
July 16, 2020 at 8:46 am #361871AnonymousGuestDear taylalouise:
“how to stop the temptation of reaching out or messaging her?? I miss her so much, I’m just so caught up on all the good times and forget the bad… how to deal or combat with the weak moments and moving forward?”-
– Notice when you start missing her and the good times with her, when you have images in your mind of her and the good times. Then, don’t be alarmed and do not rush away from these thoughts and images, and the feelings that accompany these thoughts and images. Instead, gently remove your attention away from these thoughts and images, by replacing them with something else. Gently, patiently, direct your attention to the present moment: look around you, is there something that needs attending to in the here-and-now:
A task to be done? Time to take a walk outside because the weather is nice? A dog that needs to be taken for a walk? A poem that needs to be written because you feel so inspired? Etc.
When you find yourself again, in thoughts and images of her and the good times, and the feelings accompanying such, do the same thing all over again. And again.
anita
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