Hi, I have just come out of a 4 year relationship. I knew it wasn’t right not long after we met. He has always been generous and I supportive but loves to be ‘right’ all the time and very self opininated and I believe has ‘narcassitic’ traits. Everyone one around me told me that I should break free. I was afraid and kept ‘saying sorry’ to him after he had dumped me (twice on my birthday and other times – Valentine’s Day and before Christmas). He has got himself worked up and convinces himself that I am ‘impossible’ and sweeps everything at my door. He wants me to think that I am impossible and unempathetic. People call me a lovely person and I consider myself a gentle soul. I have bought him really nice gifts and taken him on holiday twice and paid for meals but he insists on telling me how much he has done for me. All the thanks yous is never enough. He would exaggerate the ‘bad’ things he sees in me and convinces me and himself that it is ‘not working’. He has been emotionally abusive to me and jumps down my throat. If I tell me when I am upset with him and I cry, he brushes it off as ‘most people would not get upset’. When I ‘upset’ him, he lets me know in know uncertain terms. He lives in a big house with his adult children and their partners and grandchildren. If I give him a kiss and act passionately (cuddles) in HIS kitchen he thinks I am ‘trying to prove a point’, when his daughter or son or grandchild walks into HIS kitchen. He Crititizes me and wants to make me feel I am at fault etc. if things upset me, it is difficult to talk to him as he will ‘blow up’ on me and I end up feeling bad and I apologise even through my own tears. I could go on but this is the type of toxic relationship I endured. If I can’t be me, then he is not accepting me for me (I can’t even kiss him in fear of being accused of it being for the wrong reasons). I bought him a red rose last week and a little thank you card for the support and love he offers. He accused me of buying it as a ‘sorry’ gift because in his eyes I was ‘horrible’ to him. He complains that I have a snarl and that my botton lip drops and that I have a tone. He has even told me that he feels sufficated when kissing and pulls me away and said he doesn’t want to breathe in my ‘carbon dioxide’. I have had him yell at me when I felt ignored by him. He convinces me and himself and everyone that I am to ‘blame’ and that I have the ‘problem’. I had counselling after an appointment with my doctor and I told her about my feelings and how I felt when faced with emotional abuse and I then burst into tears. She thought I had been treated like a second class citizen and sent me off to counselling. I asked the relationship if he would like to join so he could put his views across but to write a ‘letter first’. He wrote the letter to the counsellor (it was more like a psychiatric report) where he spoke about ‘my dysfunctional family and that I do this and that and pin pointed all the things he perceived about me to be true. For example he said that I put on a face of positivity but I am in denial, he said that I go from high to low, and other ridiculous lies. He keeps telling me to look at the mirror. He needs to look at his own mirror because he will see all the things he said about me in his own reflection. He adores his children and grandchildren and they are always first. Their feelings are paramount, My feelings are not. There are other thiings in the relationship that I could put down here but yesterday he finally ended it. We were on a train to London and it was not going well. We were not in sync but each time I answered his three questions I said a ‘no’ answer. He doesn’t like the ‘negative’ and ripped into me. We got off the train and he dumped me on a platform. The railway guards saw what was happening and they came up to me after the relationship had ‘walked off” and asked if I was OK. I said I was OK. I went looking for the relationship after being dumped. He told me I was impossible and said I didn’t show any empathy. I ran to the other platform – up and down stairs – and saw him waiting for the return train. He stonewalled me. He said it was over and walked away. He wanted to tell me how ‘impossible’ I am and I just took this level of abuse and other put downs. I texted him later that afternoon and said ‘sorry to him and asked him if he was OK’. I didn’t empathise with me but a ‘go back to your own home’ text, do not come to my home. I spoke to him today and he tried to convince himself and me how awful I am and that I was impossible (again) and that he didn’t want to be in the relationship. He went on about my kissing him in his kitchen as being a ‘point scoring exercise to prove a point’. I told him I kissed him becasue I cared about him. He told me that the reason why I bought the red rose last week was because ‘I was sorry to have upset him earlier’. I bought the red rose to show love and care. No matter how much I tried to defend myself (calmly) he said I had a tone of voice and said he wanted to finish the relationship. He said he would be a friend if I need help with anything but that would be it.  I kept telling myself I was unhappy becasue I felt pain, emotional pain and often in tears. He doesn’t sympathise when I am in tears and complains that most people would ‘brush off the perceived slight’.  He can’t possibly be wrong can he?  He has a loving tone of voice for his adult children but then his tone changes when he talk to me.