Hi there,
Thank you so much for your detailed reply.
I’m not familiar with Bradshaw, but I’ll certainly look it up.

The issue is that she gets very little attention from her mother (who is re-married and has a third child with her new husband, thus the eldest one ((the one I’m talking about)) and the middle child (my youngest sweet niece) were uprooted from their home a few years ago, taken away from their father (my brother – a paranoid drug abuser who suffers from delusions) and moved in with this new step father who was basically a stranger. This upheaval is not lost on me, which is why I’ve allowed a lot of her behaviour to pass. The big problem began at Christmas though. Desperate for some attention from her mum, she told a lie about me. She said that I had forced her to text her father to say thank you for the Christmas gifts she had received. This is an absolute lie. I said she was welcome to use my cell as she didn’t want her father to have her number, and that was the end of it. We had a lovely few days (you’re right, we are very close. My brother and the girls’ mum are not very good care-takers and so they had spend every weekend since they were born at my mother’s house up until they were shipped off to the new step dad.)

As I mentioned before, my family is pretty broken. I’m the only one who doesn’t drink, smoke or take drugs. I’m working really hard on myself to be a better person and to be as grounded and responsible as possible. I don’t swear, shout or argue around the girls and only ever been fun and supportive. I’ve taken them on holidays, baked cakes with them, talked with them about using deodorants and tampons, things that a mother would usually do.

The problem is that now my niece has spun this lie, things have gotten out of control and she can’t take any of it back, without admitting she was lying, which she won’t do as she is a 14 year old!

The email that I just wrote was filled with love and ‘let’s forgive and forget’ and move on for everyone’s sake. There was not a criticism in it.

I totally agree with regard to the little sister. I will most certainly take ever opportunity to embrace my time with her and to try and make her feel loved and special.

Thanks again for your response.

Well that’s exactly my point. I have contacted her on two separate occasions now saying, come on, let’s put this behind us. I love you and we are just being silly now. And both times she has come back scathing and vindictive. I have to set some boundaries surely and also let her know that her behaviour is not acceptable and does have consequences. I don’t mean in a mitherly wsy, I realise I’m not her mother, but her actions have had a domino effect and she’s getting so wrapped up in drama. Her behaviour is unacceptable and surely I’m not supposed to just allow her to act this way and makeb things difficult for everyone? I thought we were supposed to set healthy boundaries where people who are selfish and draining are concerned?

I’ve reached out with love twice now, and both times she has acted terribly and selfishly. I’m sorry she might be going through some things right now but where do you draw the line?

Hmmmi guess this is why I’ve never posted in a forum before. It’s so difficult to give people the big picture and assumptions are made. I don’t keep ‘bringing this up’ ive emailed her twice since Christmas. That’s the only contact I’ve had with her.

My point of coming on here was really to be pointed in the direction of some literature that may be useful to me. This is something that keeps me awake at night and brings about anxiety that only xanax can fix!

Thank you again for your response but it’s impossible for you to give me sound advice due to you not knowing the ins and outs on everything. And how could you? That’s not a dig at all, it’s just something to consider when talking to people on forums.

I really just want some reading material, author recommendations, etc that might be able to help.