Hi Jazzhands 805,

Your twenties, you’re doing them right.

If you want, please elaborate on what you think is the underlying cause of this anxiety and depression you are feeling, we’re all here to listen. In the meantime I have some advice:

Hear me out on this: your early twenties are not actually the best time of your life-that comes a little bit later when you’re close to your thirties after you have a few more things figured out. But life only gets better if you push through hard times like this and learn from your pain. And this pain is totally normal, everyone experiences it when they get out into life to find that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. But the difference is not many people learn from it. I believe by reaching out to this forum, you are willing to own your situation and change direction now to make your future better

When I was 22 I went through exactly the same thing and then I heard this: your life is like a boat on the ocean, it goes wherever you head it. And like a captain of a ship, if you make even tiny, tiny change in your heading now while you’re in the midst of the seemingly endless expanse of the ocean, your end destination will be radically altered.

So that means even though you feel like nothing is happening to make you feel better today, the choices you make can help you get to the destination you are seeking. Though the ocean may be rough, you’ve already made one great choice to go to counseling. Some other choices that will change your heading:

Simple steps to start out with (bear with me, they may seem silly but they helped me when I didn’t feel like I could get out of bed)
-Make sure you brush your teeth everyday
-Take a shower everyday
-Eat breakfast everyday (start with anything, even if it’s a donut, just get into the habit of eating in the morning)
-Drink lots of water
-Read a ton of books
-Find a supportive group on campus
-Wrap yourself up in fluffy pajamas and drink a ton of tea in the evenings, make sure you get enough sleep
-Keep going to therapy and tell the truth, the whole truth, never hide anything from your therapist because they can’t help you unless you tell them exactly what’s bothering you.

Some more advanced steps once you start to feel like your mood is evening out

-Focus on a sport or exercise
-Focus on your finances
-Attend meditation classes or yoga classes (perhaps your uni has free classes)
-Research internet resources (there are many on this site under the “home tab-helpful free resources” that can help you start to educate yourself about the root causes of anxiety and depression)
-Start working towards eating a healthy breakfast
-Start journaling or just writing anything
-Keep writing here, it’s a great place to vent

I’m just going to leave those there, it’s up to you to find what works best, these are just things that helped me. Just remember Self Care (the steps on the first list are basic Self Care steps that are easily eschewed during times of depression) is super important in this time and you deserve to do it for yourself!

Cheers,

M

Hi Jazzhands805,

My kids are going through something similar.

In HS they had more friends than they could count. At the start of college most of their friends would be home during the holidays. Now? Everyone has scattered. Even on campus everyone isn’t as tight anymore. It can be very isolating.

I say get off the drugs if you can. I would also seek refuge in routines. And make sure you have (or create) something special to look forward to everyday. The list posted above is an excellent start.

There is a Golden Time in your twenties when you start your career, travel, have your own place and/or meet your future spouse.

But you are still a student. You need to concentrate on finishing up school. Don’t worry about relationships. Like, at all! I remember the end of Junior year I felt lackluster, sad and out of sorts. I think it’s common.

Hang in there!

Inky

Hey. I apologize, for the length of this response. This is my first time using the forum. I am twenty years old right now. I agree with Anita that the problem starts in the childhood. I lived away from my father in a different country because he could not get the visa to visit me. I could not go back either. I lived with my uncle in most of my life. His family made me feel like an outcast. I was always made fun of, and the safety that father provides was missing. I had/still have low self-confidence (work in progress). I always missed my father. Plus, all of the other relatives made me feel like I am nobody, I have now worth. I was living at the mercy of my uncle. It may seem exaggerating but at times, I felt like his slave. Although my mom lived with my uncle too, she was always working for him.I was working for him too for living expenses. I never got to spend time with my mom. High school was really bad because I never enjoyed myself, and didn’t talk to people. I wish I did. All I did was work and study. I always missed a close knit family to go back to. After high school, I moved away to New York. It was one of the best things I did. Although its still hard. Paying for college and paying for your expenses yourself, its better than being at someone’s mercy. Today, I face inner self all the time. Those experiences in childhood make me feel inadequate still, however I am fighting it. I feel lost usually too! I feel even more lost when I find people who had a better childhood and and at least get to go back to their family during holidays. I have not done that forever. This gets hard to deal with because the cycle of being lost keeps happening. We are in the same boat, especially those who are trying to build career and life themselves, without many resources. But, once you make it, you will be King/Queen of the world!! The following is my journal entry: It may seem repetitive. (Please let me know of your thoughts)
​
Usually, I feel directionless. I have not seen my family in forever. Life seems boring. Same routine. I feel like something is missing in me. I get happy and be grateful, but there is something, like a bridge missing inside of me. I don’t know what it is, but it kills me when I am down. When I am down, it makes me feel like why am I doing what i do, why do people do what they do. What am I supposed to do in life? I guess that my sense of belonging is missing. I push hard to continue in my down time, but even when I am happy, this missing link bothers me. I go to school, and know I am making into a good career, but why do I think so much. I just think of life a lot. Why can’t I just do things that I need do do and not think about my life too deeply. This weird feeling makes me feel very alone. I don’t know what to do about it. Why can’t I just live life of a party and work hard in school instead of thinking of life. I don’t mind thinking about life goals, and making plans, but I am like always thinking, and analyzing my life. This prolonged process with that missing link is eating me inside, and I ma less able to see my surroundings. During my downtime at work, I always get into my head and that inner critic gets me to the rock bottom. I talk to my mom, and she always says the same thing. It’s okay, we will be together again, till then focus on studies. How can I do so, when something is taking my energy, psychologically.