Dear N:

Of all that you described, the internship is the only promising option you have. It involves moving away from home, away from the burden you experience regarding your mother’s health, away from the siblings you resent for not acting like they care about your mother (maybe they will once you move), away from the job and co worker you dislike, away from the friend you are hiding from.

The only promising option that I see. Take it…?

anita

Dear N,

First and foremost, let me applaud you for your courage to be able to open up to this community.

I think that it’s very respectable that one has a bravery like yours, and it’s excellent because it means that you’re not keeping your feelings bottled up inside of you.

You must be feeling horrible, N, seeing that you’re facing so many events at a time. You’re worried about your mother, your siblings are not making your life any easier, the issue with your internship, your job, etcetera. I agree that it is certainly too much to handle, and you must feel that your focus is very scattered.

I have been there before. I understand. With so many commitments piled up and so many things to stress about, you just want to escape from it all. I do have this avoidance tendency before, and even now, I have it. It is normal. I just wanted to tell you that.

It is very hard to cope currently, but my advice on this matter is to set priorities. Set a goal at a time for you to achieve. When you do so, you’re actually taking active steps instead of spiralling around your current spot of self-pity. I realise that I’m using pretty harsh words at the moment, but it’s required because I see that you’re currently too pressured to carry yourself as per normal in your life.

I hope that you heed my advice and start to continue living life again with confidence that things will be better. With hope in your heart that knows that the current you might not be in the best position – but there will be worst and there will be better as well. I believe in you!

I have had similar thoughts before – especially when I felt like my life was in the gutters too. I was jealous of my friends who looked like they have had it all under control, I envied how they looked like they were enjoying their present moments. However, I come to realise that what we are seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. We don’t know their full story that led them to get to their current destination. And I rather not to know, because they are them – I am me. Let me focus on improving myself, and becoming a better person than who I was before.

I do not need the best circumstances to put me in the best of moods. I am in control of my own feelings, and you too – you have the right to be happy.

I encourage you to follow your heart and stop thinking.

I wish you the best of luck.

Regards,

JN.